Of Domestical Duties

Object. Anna vowed her child to God without her husbands consent, why may not they much more vow themselves to God?

Answ. Assuredly she was persuaded that her husband would not be against it, and so had an implicit consent: which may well be gathered, because afterwards she made it known to him, as both the name given to the child, and that speech of Anna, I will bring him that he may appear before the Lord, and there abide forever, and the answer of her husband, The Lord establish his word, and his going up with her when he was dedicated to the Lord, do all show.

Thus far of the first branch of a wives submission in abstaining from doing things without her husbands consent. The second followeth, in doing the things which herequireth.

§. 43. Of a wives active Obedience.

It is a good proof and trial of a wives obedience, to abstain from doing such things as otherwise she would do, if her husbands contrary will did not restrain her: but yet that is not sufficient, there must be an active, as well as a passive obedience yielded. That old Law before mentioned (thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee) implieth so much also. If she refuse to do what he would have her to do, her desire is not subject to him, but to her self, neither doth he rule over her.

This active part of her obedience hath respect

1. To his commandments, readily to do what he lawfully commands.

2. To his reproofs, carefully to redress what he justly blameth.

For the first, so far ought a wife to be from thinking scorn to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any means she hath of her husbands mind and will, • ought to have the force of a straight commandment with her. This readiness to obey is commended in the wives of Jacob, to whom when Jacob had declared what motives he had to depart from their fathers house, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would have them to go with him, yet before he particularly expressed his will, they readily answered, Whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do: whereby they gave him to understand that they were ready to yield unto whatsoever he would have done.

§. 44. Of a wives willingness to dwell where her husband will.

To make this part of a wives obedience somewhat more clear, I will exemplify it by two or three particular instances, recorded and approved in God's word.

The first is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will have her dwell.

The wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, herein manifested their wiue-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their own country, and from their fathers house, yet they refused not to go with them, but dwelt in a strange country, and that in tents.

Note in particular what Iaakobs wives say to their husband in this case, Is there any portion or inheritance for us in our fathers house? implying thereby, that seeing it was their husbands pleasure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers house, to look for anymore portion or inheritance there.

These examples do further show that if an husband have just occasion to remove from one country to another, and in those countries from place to place, his wife ought to yield to go with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apostle saith, have we not power to lead about a wife? That interrogation implieth a strong asseveration. The husband then having power to lead about a wife from place to place, she ought to submit her self to that power. This clause (as well as other Apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) showeth, that this was not only a power which might be used, but which was used by husbands, and yielded unto by wives.

§. 45. Of a wives readiness to come to her husband when he requires it.

Another particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or sending for her. The forenamed wives of Jacob being sent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuse, but came presently. So far ought wives herein to subject their wills to their husbands, that though it may seem to them some disparagement to come, yet if their husbands will have it so they must yield, otherwise they seem even to despise their husbands.

Contrary is Vashtie- like stoutness, when wives think and say, it is a servants part to come when they are called or sent for, and they will never yield to be their husbands servants, to come at his command. By the same reason may all duties of subjection be rejected. But for this particular, let such stout dames note the issue of Vashties stubbornness. As many excuses might be alleged for her as I think for any: for First, she was royally descended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, she was then among the honorable women of the kingdom. Thirdly, the King was in drink when he sent for her. Fourthly, he sent for her to show her beauty before multitudes of men, which was not seemly. But all these were not sufficient to excuse her fault, and free her from blame. First, though she were of royal parentage, yet she was a wife, and her husband sent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdom, she should the rather have shown her self a pattern of subjection in this kind. Thirdly, though he were in drink, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not such but that she might have done it without sin. Fourthly, if she thought the thing unseemly, she should first have used all the fair means she could to have been spared; but if by all she could not have prevailed, then (the thing being not simply unlawful and a sin) she should have yielded.

§. 46. Of a wives readiness to do what her husband requireth.

A third particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment, is, to perform what business he requireth of her. When of a sudden there came three men to Abram, and he was desirous to entertain them, he bid his wife make ready quickly three measures of meal, &c. and she did it accordingly. Jeroboam having a weighty occasion to send to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to send by his wife, she accordingly (though a Queen) went: she did as her husband would have her.

Contrary is the humor of many wives who will not do anything upon command. If such a wives husband being desirous to entertain a friend on the sudden, shall use Abram's phrase, make ready quickly, &c. she will say, let him come and do it himself, if he will have it so quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, having a matter of moment and secrecy, he will his wife her self to do it, she will reply, I am none of your servants; cannot you put it to one of them, or do it yourself? Yet will such wives be ready to command their husbands to do every toy, and if he do it not, they can reply, is this such a matter? and may not a wife speak to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would cast such wives into another mould.

These few particulars may serve for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wives active obedience, which respecteth the reproofs of her husband.

§. 47. Of a wives meek taking a reproof.

The husband having authority over his wife, by virtue thereof he hath power, yea it is his duty as there is needful cause to rebuke her: By just consequence therefore it followeth, that it is her duty to yield obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done because the chiefest trial of sound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth so much against ones stomach as reproof: she that yields when she is rebuked, will much more when she is entreated. This point of obedience is manifested two ways.

1. By meekness in taking a reproof.

2. By endeavor to redress what is justly reproved. The very point of obedience especially consisteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparative thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at least not well done.

Meekness in this case is one of the most principal fruits of that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter commendeth unto wives. Howsoever Rachel justly deserved blame for coming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that she meekly took his sharp reproof (for she replied not against it, but meekly gave a direction for the better accomplishment of her desire) her example is commendable: commendable I say, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproof.

Much wisdom may be learned hereby: for when any meekly take a reproof, thereby they suppress their passion, and keep it from rising as a cloud before their understanding and darkening it, and so may they better judge of the matter reproved whether it be just or no: and whether it need redress or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproof, and fret and fume against it, cannot so well judge. The virgin Mary made good use of Christ's reproving her, and thereby learned and taught a good point of wisdom, namely so to refer our affairs to Christ as we expect his pleasure; and not prescribe time, means, manner, or any other like circumstances unto him.

§. 48. Of a wives readiness to redress what her husband justly reproveth in her.

A further degree of obedience in bearing reproof is, that a wife readily redress what is justly reproved by her husband: I say justly, because where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needful (as was before shown) but no repentance of that which is not amiss. But where anything is amiss, there must be a redress. Rachel did amiss in bringing Idols into her husbands house: her husband in bidding her among others to put away their strange gods, reproved them all. Whereupon she with all the rest gave to him all their strange gods. This was a good redress.

A reproof may be justly given either for a good duty omitted; or for an evil thing committed: and accordingly must the redress or amendment be. A duty formerly omitted must after the reproof be more carefully observed and performed, if it be a continual duty, and may be again performed: otherwise the redress is a testification of true sorrow for that fault. When an evil is committed, if any means can be used to make up the hurt, and redress the mischief that followed thereupon, it must be done: if not, sorrow as before, must be testified, and care taken that the same, or the like be not committed again.

As a good conscience requireth as much of all Christians by whomsoever they be reproved, so the respect which a wife oweth to an husband doth after an especial manner require it. Otherwise her fault is doubled, 1. by continuance in her sin;

2. by disobedience to her husband.

Contrary is their spirit who for reproof wax the worse: being like those scorners (of whom Solomon speaketh) that hate those that reprove them. It is the speech of some wives, that if their husbands would let them alone they would do the better: but upon rebuke they will never amend: the more their husbands find fault, the more will they go on, in doing what they do. What other judgment can be given of such, then that which the wise man giveth, there is more hope of a fool then of them.

§. 49. Of a wives contentment with her husbands present estate. Of submission hitherto.

Contentment is also a part of obedience: it hath respect to a man's outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or mean, wealthy or needy, above, equal, or under that estate wherein she was before marriage: yea though a man have been sometimes great in estate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a mean estate, she ought to rest content. Thus much Job implieth in his reply to his wife, saying, shall we receive good at the hand of God, and not receive evil? The evil he speaketh of was the loss of his goods, servants, and children, together with other miseries that Satan through God's permission inflicted upon him: the receiving of evil which he speaketh of was a resting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Evil may be laid on any, and so they forced to bear it: but they only receive it, who are content with it. Now in that he useth the plural number (WE) and speaking to his wife saith (shall not we receive evil) he showeth that his wife ought as well as he to have rest contented in that poor and miserable estate: For

1. Man and wife being one flesh, by virtue of their matrimonial union, both his advancement, and also his abasement is hers: as she riseth with him, so she falleth with him. Wherefore as she is willing to be advanced with him, so she must be content to be abased with him.

2. If at the time of marriage her husband was of meaner estate then she, she voluntarily put her self into that mean estate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worse, for richer for poorer. And shall she not be content with her own act? If after marriage his estate decay, and wax meaner then it was, she is to be persuaded that by God it was so ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon she ought in her dutiful submission to God's over-ruling providence to be patient and content: this Job implieth under this phrase, shall we not receive evil at the hand of God? and under this, The Lord taketh away.

3. A wives contentment is a great ease to her husband lying under a cross: and it maketh the burden seem much lighter then otherwise it would, if at least he be a kind husband, and affected with his wives passion, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife, then for himself.

§. 50. Of wives discontent at their husbands estate.

Contrary is the impatiency, and discontent of wives at the meanness, and (as they think) baseness of their husbands estate: which is many ways manifested.

1. Some when they are married finding their husbands estate weaker then they imagined, repent their marriage, and stick not to tell their husbands, that if they had before known them to be no better men then they find them to be, they should have been no husbands for them. Wherein first they bewray their foolish indiscretion by saying, when it is too late, if I had thought this; and withal they manifest their own rashness and vnaduisednesse, in that they gave their hands and plighted their troth to those whom they knew not. If they say, they were deceived by their friends whom they put in trust, I answer that marriage is too weighty a matter to be wholly referred over to the trust of friends: everyone that yieldeth to be married, ought well to know the party unto whom in this case they yield: and above all they ought to seek direction, help, and blessing from God. If notwithstanding all the means which possibly they could use, they be deceived, they are to look unto God, and to behold his providence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord have crossed their desire for their humiliation, or for trial of their patience, wisdom and other like graces, or else to weine them from some vain and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.

2. Others observing their husbands estate to be decayed and wasted, never search after the occasion, but lay all the blame upon their husbands, and with their discontented looks, passionate words, and impatient carriage, so vex their hearts, as they make the cross much more heavy then otherwise it could be. Though the estate should be overthrown by the unthriftiness of an husband, yet ought a wife to look unto God's providence therein, as was noted before.

3. Others scorning to stoop, and to come down to their husbands present condition, through their pride and vain-glory are a great means to make his estate much the worse: for they, so long as by any means they can get it, will not abate anything of their brave apparel, dainty cheer, rich furniture, and other like things, which are causes of great expense to their husbands: hereby also it cometh oft to pass that husbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and so greater taxations and charges then they can bear are laid upon them for King, Country, Church, Poor, and the like.

4. Others, through discontent lie long lazing in their beds, or idly sit still when they are up, and will not take any whit the more pains to raise up and increase their husbands estate: whereby God is provoked more and more to weaken their estates, that so he may the more punish such pride and laziness in wives.

§. 51. Of cases wherein a wife ought not to forbear what her husband forbiddeth.

So much of the distinct branches of a wives subjection. The limitation and manner of performing it next followeth.

To know the limitation of a wives obedience, and the manner how she ought to yield subjection unto her husband, two things must be considered:

• 1. The place of an husband.
• 2. The place of a wife.

The husbands place is noted in this phrase, as to the Lord: whereby is shown that the husband even by virtue of his place is to his wife in Christ's stead: which is further more plainly laid down in these words following, the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church.

The wives place is intimated in these words, as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands: whereby it is clear that the obedience which a wife performeth to her husband must be such an obedience as the Church performeth to Christ.

From the place of an husband, I gather this general ground concerning a wives subjection, that

Subjection must be yielded to the husband as to Christ, whence will follow two conclusions, one negative, which is this,

The wife must yield no other subjection to her husband then what may stand with her subjection to Christ.

The other affirmative, which is this,

The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner that she would or should subject her self to Christ.

The former is a necessary condition required of all inferiors in their subjection, and obedience (as I shown before) much more in a wives subjection to her husband, because there is of all vnequals the least disparity betwixt husbands and wives.

Hence for our present purpose, I gather these two other more particular conclusions, The first whereof is this,

1. If God expressly command the wife any duty, and her husband will not by any means give consent that she shall do it, but forbid her, she may and ought to do it without, or against his consent.

Two cautions are warily to be observed about this conclusion:

1. That the wife be sure that God hath commanded her that which she doth without or against her husbands consent. If she doubt, then she must stay, and for bear till she gain his consent. When two opposite cases meet together, and the one be doubtful, the other plain and express: the doubtful case must give place to the more evident. Now the law of subjection is indefinite, thy desire shall be subject to thine husband; the extent of it is general, in everything; the only reservation and exception is in the Lord; wherefore if the wife be not sure that that which her husband forbiddeth her is against the Lord, she must forbear to do it.

The second caution is that she use all good means she can to gain her husbands consent, before she do, even that which is commanded, against his consent. Thus shall she testify her subjection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keep her from doing his express commandment: she will rather offend her husband then God, when one of them must needs be offended. To her husband, in that she putteth it to the uttermost push, and useth all the means she can to avoid his offense, in so much as he himself might see (if the god of this world blinded not his eyes) that the offense is no way given on her part, but merely taken on his.

For proof of this, it is without all contradiction true, that the wife is not bound to greater subjection unto her husband then the subject is unto the magistrate: but a subject ought not to forbear a bounden duty commanded of God, because his governor forbids him. Instance the example of Daniel, who daily made his prayers to God, though the King had made a solemn decree that none should ask any petition of God or man within thirty days but of the king. Instance also the Apostles, who preached the Gospel, though they were expressly forbid̄.

Though the Scripture be plentiful in affording examples of wives subjection, yet it is very sparing in recording examples of those who in such warrantable cases refused to be subject, lest wives from thence should take too great liberty.

Some are recorded, but such as are either extraordinary, or not every way instifiable. Abigail's example was extraordinary, and therefore not imitable but in such like extraordinary cases.

The example of Rebekah, which may seem somewhat more pertinent, is not every way to be justified. For though the thing which she intended were for the substance of it very good, and ought to have been done, namely the blessing of Jacob, (for God foreshowed that the blessing appertained to Jacob, in that he said, The elder shall serve the younger) yet because she put not her husband in mind of God's word, nor labored to persuade him to fulfill the same, but went about the matter deceitfully, she cannot therein be justified. But in the general this example showeth that God's word must be yielded unto rather then an husbands will.

For better application of this point I will lay down some particular instances agreeable to God's word. Suppose a wife well instructed in the true religion be married to an idolatrous or profane husband, and he without any just cause forbid her to go to the Church, especially on the Lord's days, to pray in English, to read the word, to teach her children the principles of religion, to restore that which she hath unjustly and fraudulently gotten, with the like, she may, and must do them notwithstanding.

§. 52. Of cases wherein a wife ought to forbear what her husband requireth.

The other particular conclusion is this, that

If an husband require his wife to do that which God hath forbidden she ought not to do it.

Two cautions like the former are likewise to be observed about this point.

First, that she be sure (being truly informed by God's word) that that which she refuseth to do at her husbands command, is forbidden by God.

Secondly, that she first labor with all meekness and by all good means that she can to dissuade her husband from urging and pressing that upon her, which with a good conscience she cannot do.

A like proof may be brought for this as was for the former: for we know that a wife is not bound unto greater subjection to her husband then a son is unto a father: but a son may in the case propounded forbear to do that which his father requireth and commandeth him to do: instance the approved example of Jonathan, who refused to bring David unto Saul to be slain, though his father commanded him so to do. I might also instance the same in Saul's subjects and servants, who refused to slay the Priests of the Lord at his command. Though an husband be not reckoned in particular among those to whom we are forbidden to hearken if they entice us to idolatry, yet by the rule of relation he is implied, and by just consequence gathered from this clause, thy friend which is as thine own soul; for who so dear as an husband?

To exemplify this in some particulars as I did the former, If an husband shall command his wife to go to Mass, to a stage play, to play at dice, to prostitute her body to uncleanness, to go garishly and whorishly attired, to sell by scant weights, short measures, or the like, she ought not to do so.

§. 53. Of wives faults in showing more respect to their husbands then to God.

Contrary to this limitation is on the one side a fawning flattering disposition of such wives as seek to please their husbands, so as they care not to displease God, (Jezebel was such an one; to please her husband most lewdly she did practice Naboth's death) and on the other side a fainting timorous heart which maketh them fear their husbands more then they fear God. Good Sarah, that worthy president of good wives in other things, somewhat failed herein. Did wives duly consider, and always remember that they have an husband (namely Christ) in heaven, as well as on earth, and that there is greater difference betwixt that and this husband, then betwixt heaven and earth, and that both in giving reward, and taking revenge, there is no comparison betwixt them, their care of pleasing, or their fear of offending their husband in heaven would be much more then of pleasing, or offending their husband on earth: if anything were commanded or forbidden them by their husbands on earth against Christ, they would say, If I do this, or forbear that, I should work falsehood against mine own soul; for nothing can be hid from mine husband in heaven: yea I should herein obey Satan, rather then God.

§. 54. Of the manner of a wives subjection to her husband.

The second general conclusion concerning the manner of a wives subjection, which was gathered from the place of an husband, was this, that

The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner, that she would or should subject her self to Christ. The particle As in this clause (as unto the Lord) importeth so much.

This very conclusion is also inferred out of the place of a wife: In the same place that the Church is to Christ, a wife is to an husband: therefore such subjection as the Church yieldeth to Christ, must a wife yield to her husband; which the very words of the Apostle do expressly affirm. Now we know that every Christian wife in her particular ought to yield that obedience to Christ which the Church in general doth: therefore also she must yield such subjection to her husband as she should to Christ.

§. 55. Of wives humility in every duty.

Humility is that grace that keeps one from thinking highly of himself above that which is meet: and in regard of that mean conceit which he hath of himself maketh him think reuerendly, and highly of others: so as if humility be placed in a wives heart, it will make her think better of her husband then of her self, and so make her the more willing to yield all subjection unto him. The Apostle requireth it of all Christians as a general sauce to season all other duties: but after a peculiar manner is it needful for inferiors: most of all for wives, because there are many perogatives appertaining to their place, which may soon make them think they ought not to be subject, unless they be humbly minded. That the Church doth herewith season her subjection, is clear by the book of Canticles, where oft she acknowledgeth her own meanness, and the excellency of her spouse.

Therefore as the Church is humbly subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 56. Of wives pride.

Contrary is pride, which puffeth up wives, & maketh them think there is no reason they should be subject to husbands, they can rule themselves well enough, yea and rule their husbands too, as well as their husbands rule them. No more pestilent vice for an inferior, then this: it is the cause of all rebellion, disobedience, & disloyalty: only by pride, cometh contention.

§. 57. Of Wives sincerity in every duty.

II. Sincerity is that grace that maketh one to be within even in truth, what without he appeareth to be in show. This is that Singlenesse of heart which is expressly required of servants, and may be applied to wives, for indeed it appertaineth to all sorts. Because it is only discerned by the Lord, who is the searcher of all hearts, it will move a wife to have an eye to him in all she doth, and to endeavor to approve her self to him above all: therefore uprightness and walking before God are oft joined together: he that is upright will assuredly walk before God, that is, endeavor to approve himself to God, as Noah did, and as God commanded Abraham to do.

Though there were no other motive in the world to move her to subjection, yet for conscience sake to Christ she should yield it. S. Peter testifieth of holy women, that they trusted in God and were subject to their husbands: implying thereby, that their conscience to God made them be subject to their husbands. Was not Sarah's subjection seasoned with sincerity, when within her self, in her heart she called her husband Lord?

Great reason there is that wives should in sincerity subject themselves: for

1. In their subjection even to their husbands they have to do with Christ, in whose room their husbands stand: so as, though their husbands who are but men, see only the face and outward behavior, yet Christ seeth their heart and inward disposition: though their husbands see only the things which they do before their faces, and can hear only of such things as are done before others: yet Christ seeth and knoweth the things that are done in the most secret places that can be, when no creature beside themselves is privy thereunto: Now let it be granted that in their outward carriage they give very good contentment unto their husbands, and please them every way, yet if sincerity have been wanting, with what face can they appear before Christ? he will take another manner account of them: before Christ all their outward complement will stand them in no stead at all.

2. Herein lieth a main difference betwixt true, Christian, religious wives, and mere natural women: these may be subject on by-respects, as namely, that their husbands may the more love them, or live the more quietly and peaceably with them, or that they may the more readily obtain what they desire at their husbands hands, or for fear of their husbands displeasure and wrath, knowing him to be an angry, furious man, so as otherwise it might be worse with them, they might want many needful things, or carry away many sore blows if they were not subject. But the other have respect to Christ's ordinance, whereby their husbands are made their head, and to his word and will, whereby they are commanded subjection. Thus holy women subjected themselves; they cannot be holy that do not thus subject themselves: for this is a sweet perfume that sendeth forth a good savor into Christ's nostrils, and maketh the things we do pleasant and acceptable to him.

3. The benefit of this virtue being planted in a wives heart is very great, and that both to her husband, and also to her self.

To her husband, in that it will make her manifest her respect of him before others, behind his back, as well as before himself in his presence: and also will make her faithful to him, and careful to do his will wheresoever he be, with her, or from her.

To her self, in that it will minister inward sweet comfort unto her, though her husband should take no notice of her subjection, or mif-interpret it, or ill requite it; for she might say as Hezekiah did, Remember ô Lord how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight.

That the Church doth season all her subjection with sincerity is clear, in that she is said to be all glorious within: (there is no glory within, without sincerity) and in that she is oft said to seek him whom her soul loved: if her soul loved him, in sincerity of heart she was subject to him: Therefore as the Church is sincerely subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 58. Of wives complemental subjection.

Contrary to sincerity is dissimulation, and mere outward, complemental subjection: when a wife doth even despise her husband in her heart, as Michal did David and yet carry a fair face before him, as that adulterous woman, who eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith I have not committed iniquity. Solomon maketh it a note of a lewd wife to flatter with her words. Though such a wife should perform all the duties named before, yet would those all be nothing to God, if they were done with a double heart, and not in singleness of heart. For as many outward imperfections are pardoned by God, where sincerity is, so no outward actions are accepted of him though they seem never so fair, where there is no sincerity.

§. 59. Of wives cheerfulness in every duty.

III. Cheerefulnesse is more apparent then sincerity, and maketh subjection the more pleasing not only to God, but also to man, who by the effects thereof may easily discern it.

For God, as he doth himself all things willingly and cheerfully, so he expecteth that his children should therein follow him, and thereby show themselves his children. God loveth a cheerful giver: not only a cheerful giver of alms, but of all duty to God and man.

For men, it maketh them also much better accept any duty when they observe it to be done cheerfully: this did even ravish David with joy, to see his people offer their gifts willingly unto the Lord: when an husband seeth his wife willingly and cheerfully perform her duty, it cannot but raise up love in him. This cheerfulness is manifested by a ready, quick, and speedy performance of her duty. Sarah's readiness to obey, showeth that what she did, she did willingly.

That thus the Church subjecteth her self to Christ is evident by that which David saith, They shall be willing in the day of thy power. Therefore as the Church is cheerfully subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 60. Of wives sullen and forced obedience.

Contrary to this cheerfulness is the sullen disposition of some wives, who will indeed be subject to their husbands, and obey, but with such a lowering and sour countenance, with such powting and muttering, as they grieve their husbands more in the manner, then they can be pleased with the thing it self that they do: herein they show themselves like to a cursed cow, which having given a fair soape of milk, casteth all down with her heel, and so verify the proverb, A good never a whit as never the better. Such subjection is in truth no subjection, it can neither be acceptable to God, nor profitable to their husbands, nor comfortable to their own souls.

§. 61. Of wives constancy in doing their duty.

IIII. Constancy is a virtue which maketh all the rest perfect, and setteth the crown upon them; without which they are all nothing. This is in those who after they have begun well, continue to do well unto the end, and thereby reap the fruit of all. It hath respect both to continuance without intermission, and also to perseverance without revolting, and giving clean over. So as it is not enough to be subject by starts and fits: one while yielding all good obedience, another while stout and rebellious: neither is it sufficient in former times to have been a good wife, and after prove bad: but there must be daily proceeding and holding on from time to time, so long as husband and wife live together. This grace was in her of whom it is said, She will do him good, and not evil all the days of her life. Such were all the holy wives commended in Scripture: among other particulars, mention is made of the wife of Phinehas, who on her death-bed shown the reverend good respect she bare to her husband, though he were a wicked and lewd man. This grace doth the Church add to all her other virtues, she in all parts of her subjection remaineth constant, & faithful unto the death, whereby it cometh to pass, that at length she receiveth the reward of her holy obedience, which is full and perfect communion and fellowship with her spouse Christ Jesus in heaven. In regard of her unmovable constancy it is said, that the gates of hell shall never prevail against her. Therefore as the Church is constantly subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 62. Of wives repenting their former goodness.

Contrary to this Constancy is first intermission of duty, a returning to it, and a leaving it off by turns: like one that is sick of an ague, sometimes well, sometimes ill, one while hot, another while cold. That sometimes ceasing taketh away all the virtue, grace and glory, from sometimes doing. Besides, it is twenty to one that through the corruption of nature, that diversity and intercourse of fits at length will cease, and end in the worse. It is very likely that Michal was such an one: for one while she shown her self so full of respect to David, as for his sake she incurred the King her fathers displeasure: another while in her heart she despised him, and with her tongue taunted him.

Contrary also to the forenamed Constancy is Apostasy, that is, a clean relinquishing of the former good course, as if a wife repented her of her former good beginning. Such an one is she that is said to for sake the guide of her youth, and forget the covenant of her God. For ought we read to the contrary, Job's wife was such an one. And such are many who in their younger years, while their religious parents lived (as Joash while old good Jehoiada lived) have behaved themselves very well like good dutiful wives, but being grown to elder years, have grown also so stout and rebellious, as if they clean repented themselves of their former good beginning. This revolt ariseth sometimes from the evil counsel of wicked Gossips, and sometimes from their own proud humor. I may say of these wives subjection, as the Prophet saith of the righteousness of reuolters, their subjection shall not be remembered, but in their rebellion they shall die. Therefore as the Church is subject to Christ, let wives be to their husbands.

§. 63. Of the extent of a wives obedience.

The extent of a wives subjection (which remaineth now to be handled) is set down under these general terms (in everything) which are not so generally to be taken as if they admitted no restraint or limitation, for then would they contradict such cautions as these, in the fear of the Lord, as to the Lord, in the Lord. For man is so corrupt by nature, and of so perverse a disposition, that oft he willeth and commandeth that which is contrary to God's will and commandment: which when he doth, that Christian principle laid down as a ruled case by the Apostle must take place, we ought rather to obey God then men.

§. 64. Of a wives laboring to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands.

From that extent I gather these two conclusions:

1. A wife must labor to bring her judgment and will to her husbands.

2. Though in her judgment she cannot think that most meet which her husband requireth, yet she must yield to it in practice.

In the former of these, I say not simply that a wife is bound to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands; for he may be deceived in his judgment, and she may see his error, and then unless her understanding should be blinded, she cannot conceive that to be true which he judgeth so: but I speak of endeavor (when she hath not sure and undeniable grounds to the contrary) to suspect her judgment when its contrary to her husbands, and to think she may be in an error, and thereupon not be too peremptory and resolute in contradicting her husbands opinion. This submission even of her judgment respecteth not only things necessary, for which her husband hath an express determinate warrant out of the Scripture, but also things doubtful & indifferent: for even so far doth this clause (in everything) extend: and the subjection of a wife respecteth not her practice only, but her judgment and opinion also: which if she can bring to the lawfulness and meetness of that which her husband requireth, she will much more cheerfully perform it. To this purpose (as I take it) may be applied that exhortation of the Apostle unto women, that they learn in silence with all subjection: which though it be principally meant of learning in the Church, yet it excludeth not her learning at home of her husband: for in the next words he addeth, I suffer not a woman to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

§. 65. Of wives overweening conceit of their own wisdom.

Contrary is the presumption of such wives as think themselves wifer then their husbands, and able better to judge matters then they can. I deny not but that a wife may have more understanding then her husband: for some men are very ignorant and blockish; and on the other side, some women well instructed, who thereby have attained to a great measure of knowledge, and discretion; but many though they have husbands of sufficient and good understanding, wife and discreet men, yet think that that which they have once conceived to be a truth, must needs be so: and such is their peremptoriousness, that they will not be brought to think that they may err: but say they will never be brought to think otherwise then they do, though all the husbands in the world should be of another opinion: not much unlike to the Wisemans fool, who thinketh himself wiser then seven men that can render a reason.

§. 66. Of a wives yielding to her husband in such things as she thinketh not to be the meet est.

The latter conclusion concerning a wives yielding in practice to that which her husband requireth, though she cannot bring her judgment to think as he doth about the me • nesse of it, hath respect to indifferent things, namely, to such as are neither in their particulars commanded, nor forbidden by God: as the outward affairs of the house, ordering it, disposing goods, entertaining guests, &c.

§. 67. Of wives making their own will their law.

Contrary is the custom of many wives, who never will do anymore then they themselves think meet, though their husbands require it never so much: surely they come far short of this Apostolical extent (in everything) though in their own eyes they may seem to be very much subject. But when wives will no further be subject, then their own judgments, wills and affections concur with their husbands, what can be thought but that they are subject rather to their own wills, then to the will of their husbands? Many such wives, from the least difference in judgment & opiniō, even in the smallest matters, take occasion to refuse subjection, and think they have warrant enough so to do: whence oftentimes there ariseth much contention, the fault whereof lieth especially on the wives neck, though the occasion may arise from the husband: and I think that wives themselves would so judge of the like cases betwixt them and their children.

§. 68. Of care in choosing such husbands as wives may without grief be subject unto.

§. 69. Of the reasons to move wives to do their duties.

Hitherto of wives duties: The reasons noted by the Apostle to enforce those duties now follow. They are laid down in these words.

THe main ground of all the reasons which the Apostle here intimateth, is taken from the place wherein God hath set an husband, which is first by consequence implied in these words, as to the Lord: and then more plainly and directly expressed in these, the husband is the head of the wife. The particle prefixed before these words (for) being a causal conjunction, doth show, that they are here set down as a reason, which is first propounded under a metaphor (head) and then amplified by that resemblance which an husband hath therein unto Christ (even as Christ, &c.) which resemblance is further commended by the virtue and benefit that proceedeth from the head-ship of Christ properly, and of an husband also by consequence, in these words (and is the Savior of the body.) Upon an husbands resemblance unto Christ, he inferreth that a wife should have a resemblance unto the Church, and so concludeth, Therefore as the Church is in subjection to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

Out of the forenamed ground of a wives subjection, and the several amplifications thereof, and the inference thereupon made, five several and distinct reasons may be gathered to enforce a wines subjection to her husband.

The first is taken from an husbands place: he is in the Lord's stead to his wife (as to the Lord.)

The second from his office: he is an head to his wife.

The chird from the image he beareth, or from the resemblance betwixt him and Christ (even as Christ &c.)

The fourth from the benefit that his wife receiveth from him (he is the Savior &c.)

The fifth from the example and pattern of the Church (as the Church is in subjection, &c.)

§ 70. Of an husbands place.

The place wherein God hath set an husband as it serveth to direct a wife in the manner of her subjection, whereof I have spoken before, so also it serveth to move a wife to yield such subjection as is required: which will evidently appear by these two conclusions following from thence.

1. A wife by subjecting her self to her husband, therein is subject unto Christ.

2. A wife by refusing to be subject unto her husband, therein refuseth to be subject unto Christ.

That these two conclusions are rightly and justly gathered from the forenamed ground I prove by like conclusions which the holy Ghost inferreth upon the like ground. It is evident that Christ Jesus, even incarnate and made flesh, was in the room and stead of his father, whereupon Christ said to Philip that desired to see the father, he that hath seen me hath seen the father: Now mark what Christ thence inferreth both on the one side (he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me) and on the other (he that honoreth not the son, honoreth not the father that sent him.) It is also evident that Ministers of the Gospel stand in the room and stead of Christ: for thus saith the Apostle of himself and other Ministers, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ's stead, &c. Now mark again the conclusions inferred thereupon by Christ, on the one side, he that heareth you, heareth me, and on the other, he that despiseth you, despiseth me. On this ground it was that God said to Samuel concerning the people that rejected his government, they have not cast thee away, but they have cast me away.

To apply this reason, I hope such wives as live under the Gospel have so much religion and piety in them as to acknowledge, it becometh them well to be subject unto the Lord Christ Jesus: here then learn one especial and principal part of subjection unto Christ, which is to be subject unto your husbands: thus shall you show yourselves to be the wives of the Lord Christ, as the Apostle saith of obedient servants, they are the servants of God.

Again I hope none are so void of all religion and piety as to refuse to be subject unto Christ: here then take notice, that if willfully ye refuse to be subject to your husbands, ye willfully refuse to be subject to Christ: fitly on this ground may I apply that to wives, which the Apostle speaketh of subjects, whosoever resisteth the power and authority of an husband, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves judgment.

A strong motive is this first motive. If it were duly considered of wives, they would more readily, and cheerfully be subject, then many are; they would not so lightly think of their husbands place, nor so reproachfully speak against God's Ministers who plainly declare their duty unto them, as many do.

§. 71. Of an husbands office.

The second reason is like unto this taken from an husbands office, he is the wives head: which is also urged to this very purpose in other places.

This metaphor showeth that to his wife he is as the head of a natural body, both more eminent in place, and also more excellent in dignity: by virtue of both which, he is a ruler and governor of his wife. Nature teacheth us that this is true of the head of a natural body: and the Apostle by intituling an husband, an head, teacheth us that it is as true of an husband: whence it followeth, that it standeth with common equity, and with the light of nature, that the wife should be subject to her husband. This argument doth the Apostle in plain terms urge in another place, saying, doth not nature teach you, &c.

Go therefore, ô wives, unto the school of nature, look upon the outward parts and members of your bodies. Do they desire to be above the head? are they loath to be subject unto the head? Let your soul then learn of your body. Were it not monstrous for the side to be advanced above the head? If the body should not be subject to the head, would not destruction follow upon head, body, and all the parts thereof? As monstrous, and much more monstrous is it for a wife to be above her husband: and as great, yea and greater disturbance and ruin would fall on that family. The order which God hath set therein would be clean overthrown thereby: and they that overthrow it would show themselves oppugners of God's wisdom in establishing order. This reason drawn from nature is of force to move very Pagans, and Savages to yield subjection, how much more Christian wives, it being also agreeable to God's word, and ratified thereby?

§. 72. Of the resemblance betwixt Christ and an husband.

The third reason taken from an husbands resemblance unto Christ herein, addeth an edge unto that former reason: in being an head, he is like Christ. So as there is a kind of fellowship and copartnership betwixt Christ, and an husband: they are brethren in office, as two kings of several places.

Object. There is no equality betwixt Christ the Lord from heaven, and an earthly husband: the disparity betwixt them is infinite.

Answ. Yet there may be similitude, resemblance, and fellowship: inequality is no hindrance to these. Two kings may be more different in estate then a subject and a king; yet those two kings brethren and fellows in office. There may be a resemblance where there is no parity, and a likeness where there is no equality. The glorious and bright Sun in the firmament, and a dim candle in an house, have a kind of fellowship, and the same office, which is to give light: yet there is no equality betwixt them. So then an husband resembleth not only the head of a natural body, but also the glorious image of Christ, and is that to his wife which Christ is to his Church.

To apply this point, mark how from it two positions (worthy to be noted) do arise.

1. Subjection is due to an husband as well as to Christ.

I say not as great, because of the difference in glory: but as well, because of the likeness in office. A Constable (though a poor mean man) must be obeyed as well as an high sherife: A beggars child must obey his father, as well as a kings child. Such wives therefore who are not subject, wrong their husbands, as well as they wrong Christ who are not subject to him.

2. They who by their subjection maintain the honor of their husbands place, maintain thereby the honor of Christ's place: and again by the rule of contraries, They who by refusing to be subject impeach the honor of their husbands place, impeach thereby the honor of Christ's place.

The obedience of a poor man's child or servant justifieth that obedience which kings children and servants owe their father and sovereign: and so on the contrary, disobedience in mean ones, dishonoreth the place of great ones.

The argument of Memucan drawn from the greater to the less (in these words, Vashty the Queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and all the people) may be applied from the less to the greater. Disobedient wives do wrong not only to their own particular husbands, but also to all heads, even to Christ the head of the Church.

If a natural body, and the Church were flexible, and could be seduced, and drawn to presume, and rebel against their heads, the ill example of wives were enough to move them thereunto, for, as much as in them lieth, they by example seduce them.

From the last forenamed positions (viz. that the obedience of a good wife maintaineth the honor of Christ's place, and on the contrary side that the disobedience of an ill wife impaireth the honor thereof) I may justly infer two other conclusions.

1. That Christ will assuredly reward the good subjection of good wives: for he hath said (and what he hath said he can and will perform) them that honor me will I honor.

2. That he will sorely revenge the rebellion of evil wives: for again he hath said, they that despise me, shall be despised.

We know that fellows in office are ready to stand for the credit of one another's place, and to maintain the honor thereof: and that not without good reason: for thereby they maintain their own honor and credit.

Wherefore as good wives may well expect a reward at Christ's hands, howsoever their husbands respect their obedience, whether well or ill: (a great encouragement for wives to perform their duties, though their husbands be never so ill) so evil wives have just cause to fear revenge at Christ's hand, how soever their husbands bear with them.

They who duly weigh this reason taken from that resemblance which is betwixt Christ and the Church, cannot but hold it to be a motive of great moment.

§. 73. Of the benefit which a wife hath by an husband.

The fourth reason taken from the benefit which a wife receiveth from her husband, doth yet further press the point in hand. Though Christ be properly the Savior of the body, yet even herein an husband carrieth a resemblance of Christ, and is after a manner a Saniour: for by virtue of his place and office he is on the one side her protector, to defend her from hurt, and preserve her from danger; and on the other side, a pronider of all needful and necessary things for her: in which respect she is taken from her parents and friends, and wholly committed to him: (as Iaakobs wives said, Have we anymore portion or inheritance in our fathers house?) yea she her self, and all she hath is given to him: and he again communicateth whatsoever he hath to her good, and for her use. David compareth a wife to a Vine, in relation to her husband: intimating thereby, that by him she is raised to that height of honor she hath, as a vine by the tree, or frame near unto which it is planted. By his honor is she dignified, by his wealth is she enriched. He is, under God, all in all to her; in the family he is a King to govern and aid her, a Priest to pray with her and for her, a Prophet to teach and instruct her. As the head is placed in the highest place over the body, and understanding placed in it, to govern, direct, protect, and every way seek the good of the body, and as Christ is united to the Church as a spouse, and made her head, that she might be saved, maintained, and provided for by him; so for this end was an husband placed in his place of superiority; and his authority was committed to him, to be a Saniour of his wife. Wherefore if none of the former motives prevail with wives, and move them to be subject to their husbands, yet ought this.

For from this reason flow these two conclusions.

• 1. The subjection required of a wife is for her own good.
• 2. In refusing to obey she showeth her self both ungrateful to her husband, and also injurious to her self.

That her subjection is for her own good, is evident by this end for which an husband is made an head, to be a Saniour: not to puff him up, to make him insult and tyrannize over his wife. So as if she be subject unto him, she may reap much good from him. As the Church is wisely governed, and safely protected by subjecting her self to her head Christ Jesus; and as the body partaketh of much good, and is preserved from much evil by subjecting it self to the head, so if a wife be subject to her husband, she will fare much the better thereby, all the ease, profit, and benefit thereof will be hers. If therefore she tender her own good, this is a way and means ordained of God for this end; let her herein seek it.

If notwithstanding this she refuse to be subject unto her husband, doth she not (as we say) stand in her own light? She being by her sex the weaker, and the more unable to help her self, • f she shall reject this good help which God hath provided for her, is she not most injurious to her own self? And considering the care and pains her husband vndergoeth for her sake, is it not most unnatural and monstrous ingratitude, inwardly to de • pise, or outwardly to scorn such an head? No better testimony • f a grateful heart can be given by a wife to her husband, then • heerefull and ready subjection: and no greater ingratitude can • e shown, then rebellion, and disdain. Now among vices in • ratitude is one of the most odious to God and man: so as both • o avoid the black spot of ingratitude, and to carry away the • ame of gratefulness, ought wives to be subject.

§. 74. Of the example of the Church set before wines.

The last reason taken from the example of the Church is also • f good force to persuade wives unto subjection. Example more • reuailes with many then precept. If any example may be of • orce, then this most of all: for it is not the example of one only, • ut of many; not of many ignorant, and wicked persons, but of understanding, wise, holy and righteous persons, even all the • aints that ever were, are, or shall be: for the Church compriseth •• l under it, even that whole society of Saints, which are chosen of God in his eternal counsel, redeemed of Christ by his precious blood, and effectually called by the Gospel of faluation, God's spirit working inwardly and powerfully upon them, those very souls of just and perfect men now triumphing in heaven, not excepted: note how this Church is described in the 26, and 27. verses. Let this example therefore be oft thought of: it will never repent any to follow it: for it treadeth the only right path to eternal glory, whereunto they shall assuredly come that follow it.

But to show the force of this reason a little more distinctly, note these two conclusions following from it.

1. Wives are as much bound to be subject to their husbands, as the Church to Christ. Else why should this example be thus set before them, and pressed upon them? why are husbands set in Christ's stead, and resembled to him?

2. A wives subjection to her husband, answerable to the Churches subjection unto Christ, is an evidence that she is of the Church, guided by the same Spirit that the Church is. For it cannot be performed by the power of nature, it is a supernatural work, and so an evidence of the Spirit.

Wherefore, ô Christian wives, as your husbands by their place resemble Christ, so do you by your practice resemble the Church. Of the two this is the more commendable: for that is a dignity, this a virtue: but true virtue is much more glorious then any dignity can be.

These reasons being well poised, and the force of them all joined together, they cannot but work on the stoutest stomach that is: wherefore if this point of subjection seem to be too bitter a pill to be well digested, let it be sweetened with the syrupe of these reasons, and it will much better be swallowed, and have the more kindly work.

§. 1. Of the General Heads of this Treatise.

A S the wife is to know her duty, so the husband much more his, because he is to be a guide, and good example to his wife, he is to dwell with her according to knowledge, (1 Pet. 3. 7.) the more eminent his place is, the more knowledge he ought to have how to walk worthy thereof. Neglect of duty in him is more dishonorable unto God, because by virtue of his place he is the Imag eand glory of God, and more pernicious not to his wife only, but also to the whole family, because of that power and authority he hath, which he may abuse to the maintenance of his wickedness, having in the house no superior power to restrain his fury: whereas the wife, though never so wicked, may by the power of her husband be kept under, and restrained from outrage.

Wherefore to go on in order, in laying down the husbands duties (as we have the wives) we are to consider,

• 1. The Duties themselves.
• 2. The reasons to enforce them.

In setting down the duties we must note

• 1. The matter wherein they consist.
• 2. The manner how they are to be performed.

The Apostle compriseth the whole matter of them all under Love, which is the sum and head of all.

This we will first handle: and then proceed to other particulars.

§. 2. Of that love which husbands owe their wives.

This head of all the rest, Love, is expressly set down, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is evident, that all other duties are comprised under it.

To omit other places, where this duty is urged in this place, Love is four times by name expressed, beside that it is intimated under many other terms and phrases.

Whosoever therefore taketh a wife, must, in this respect that she is his wife, love her: as it is noted of Isaac (the best pattern of husbands noted in the Scripture) he took Rebekah, she was his wife ana he loved her.

Many good reasons hereof may be rendered.

1. Because no duty on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be seasoned with love. The Apostle exhorteth all Christians to do all their things in love: much more ought husbands: though in place they be above their wives, yet love may not be forgotten.

2. Because of all persons on earth a wife is the most proper object of love: nor friend, nor child, nor parent ought so to be loved as a wife: she is termed, the wife of his bosom, to show that she ought to be as his heart in his bosom.

3. Because his place of eminency, and power of authority may soon puff him up, and make him insult over his wife, and trample her under his feet, if a entire love of her be not planted in his heart. To keep him from abusing his authority is love so much pressed upon him.

4. Because wives through the weakness of their sex (for they are the weaker vessels) are much prone to provoke their husbands. So as if there be not love predominant in the husband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. Love covereth a multitude of imperfections.

5. Because as Christ by his love first manifested provoketh the Church to love him, so an husband by loving his wife should provoke her to love him again: showing himself like the Sun which is the fountain of light, and from which the Moon receiveth what light she hath: so he should be the fountain of love to his wife.

§. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of love.

Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is very odious and detestable in it self, so much more when the wife is made the object thereof. As love provoketh an husband to do his wife what good he can, so hatred, to do her what mischief he can. Moses noteth a man's hatred of his wife to be a cause of much mischief: for the nearer, and dearer any persons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is fastened on them.

Hence was it that a divorce was suffered to be made betwixt a man and his wife, in case he hated her: which law questionless was made for relief of the wife, lest the hatred which her husband conceived against her should work her some mischief, if he were forced to keep her as his wife: which Christ seemeth to imply in these words, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wines. This therefore being so pestilent a poison, let husbands take heed how they suffer it to soake into them.

Neither is it sufficient for an husband not to hate his wife, for even the want of love, though it be only a privation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary also to the forenamed duty of love. Where this want of love is, there can be no duty well performed, even as when the great wheel of a clock, the first mover of all the rest, is out of frame, never a wheel can be in good order. They that think lightly hereof, plainly discover that there is little or no love of God in them at all: for if the Apostles inference be good, taken from a man's neighbor or brother whom he hath seen, it will much more be good having relation to a wife: for how can he who loveth not his wife, (whom God hath given to him as a token of his favor, and as an help meet for him, to be in his bosom, and ever in his sight, yea to be no more two, but one flesh) love God whom he hath not seen? If any man saith, he loveth God, and hate his wife, he is a liar. Let husbands therefore by loving their wives give evidence that they love God.

§. 4. Of an husbands wise maintaining his authority.

All the branches which grow out of this root of love, as they have respect to husbands duties, may be drawn to two heads:

• 1. A wise maintaining of his authority.
• 2. A right managing of the same.

That these two are branches of an husbands love, is evident by the place wherein God hath set him, which is a place of authority; for the best good that any can do, and so the best fruits of love which he can show forth to any, are such as are done in his own proper place, and by virtue thereof. If then an husband relinquish his authority, he disableth himself from doing that good, and showing those fruits of love which otherwise he might. If he abuse his authority, he turneth the edge and point of his sword amiss: instead of holding it over his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her destruction, and so manifesteth thereby more hatred then love.

Now then to handle these two severally, and distinctly:

I. That an husband ought wisely to maintain his authority, is implied under this Apostolical precept, Husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge, that is, as such as are well able to maintain the honor of that place wherein God hath set you: not as sots and fools without understanding. The same is also implied under the titles of preeminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, Master, head, guide, image and glory of God, &c.

The honor and authority of God, and of his Son Christ Jesus, is maintained in and by the honor and authority of an husband, as the Kings authority is maintained by the authority of his Priuy Council and other Magistrates under him; yea, as an husbands authority is in the family maintained by the authority of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, so the woman is the glory of the man.)

The good of the wife her self is thus also much promoted, even as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads abiding in his place; should the head be put under any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receive much damage thereby: even so the wife and whole family would feel the damage of the husbands loss of his authority.

§. 5. Of husbands losing their authority.

Contrary is their practice who by their profaneness, riotousnesse, drunkenness, lewdness, lightness, unthriftiness, and other like base carriage, make themselves contemptible, and so lose their authority: though a wife ought not to take these occasions to despise her husband, yet is it a just judgment on him to be despised, seeing he maketh himself contemptible.

Contrary also to the forenamed directions is the stern, rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny go about to maintain their authority. Force may indeed cause fear, but a slavish seat, such a fear as breedeth more hatred then love, more inward contempt, then outward respect.

And contrary is their servile disposition, who against their own judgment yield to the bent of their wives mind in such things as are unlawful: they will lose their authority rather then give discontent to their wives: which is a fault expressly forbidden by the law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked Ahab, but also wise Solomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grievous a fall this was in Solomon, the fearful issue thereof showeth. Like to him not in wisdom, but in this point of egregious folly, are such as upon their wives instigation, suffer Priests and Jesuits, to lurk and celebrate Masses in their houses, and yield to be present thereat themselves. Like to Ahab are such Magistrates as suffer their wives to ouersway them in course of Justice: hence it cometh to pass that more petitions and suites are made to the wives of Magistrates in the cases of Justice then to the Magistrates themselves: and the favor of their wives is more esteemed then their own: so as the power of governing, and the main stroke in determining matters, is from their wives; they are but the mouths and instrument of their wives, in so much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is given to their wives. Some husbands suffer this by reason of their fearful, and foolish disposition, wanting courage and wisdom to maintain the honor of their places against the insolency of their wives: others upon a subtle, covetous, wicked mind, that by the means of their wives there may be more freedom for receiving bribes. Among these I may reckon those who against their own mind, to satisfy their wives mind, suffer both wives and children to follow the fashion, to attire themselves unbeseeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and also those who upon their wives importunity are moved (as Sampson was) to reveal such secrets as are not meet to be known. Husbands may hearken to their wives moving good things, but they may not obey them in evil things: if they do, their fault is double: 1. in doing evil: 2. in losing their authority.

Let husbands therefore be very watchful against their wives evil instigations. Satan labored to supplant Job by his wife: and by this doth he subvert many in these days.

§. 6. Of husbands high account of wives.

As authority must be well maintained, so must it be well managed: for which purpose two things are needful:

• 1. That an husband tenderly respect his wife.
• 2. That providently he care for her.

Outward in regard of his carriage towards her.

1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and subjection, yet the nearest to equality that may be: a place of common equity in many respects, wherein man and wife are after a sort even fellows, and partners: Hence then it followeth that

The husband must account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giving honor to the wife: and it is implied under that phrase whereby the end of making a wife is noted, which in our English is translated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himself, one in whom he might see himself, or even (to use our Apostles word) himself. These phrases imply a kind of fellowship: as also the many perogatives that are common to both, which have been noted before.

As a wives acknowledgement of her husbands superiority is the ground-work of all her duties, so an husbands acknowledgement of that fellowship which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himself much more amiably, familiarly, lovingly, and every way as beseemeth a good husband towards her.

§. 7. Of that fellowship which is betwixt man and wife, notwithstanding a wives inferiority.

§. 8. Of husbands too mean account of wives.

Contrary is the conceit of many who think there is no difference betwixt a wife and servant but in familiarity: and that wives were made to be servants to their husbands, because subjection, fear and obedience are required of them: whence it cometh to pass that wives are oft used little better then servants. A conceit and practice savoring too much of heathenish, and sottish arrogancy. Did God at first take the wife out of man's side, that man should tread her under his feet? or rather that he should set her at his side next to him above all children, servants, or any other in the family, how near, or dear unto him soever? for none can be nearer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.

§. 9. Of husbands good esteem of their own wives.

2. For the person of a wife, An husband ought to esteem that particular person to whom by God's providence he is joined in marriage, to be the fittest, and best for him. This is implied under that particle of restraint (OWNE) noted by the Apostle where he saith husbands love your OWNE wives, and again presseth it under a comparison of the body (as your OWNE bodies) Everyone thinketh his own body best and fittest for him. A man might happily wish some defects or enormities in his own body to be amended, and desire that his were like an others, more strait, strong, and comely then his own, yet would he not have his head to be upon that other man's body: the same opinion ought a man (that would love his wife) to have of her.

Good reason there is for him so to do: for true is the proverb, if it be rightly taken, marriages are first made in heaven, that is, God hath an over-ruling hand in ordering them: which Solomon implieth by that opposition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which respect he saith, he which findeth a wife receiveth favor of the Lord. If therefore thou art loved of God, and lovest him, he will make thy wife prove a good thing to thee.

§. 10. Of husbands preposterous opinion of their own wives.

Contrary is a corrupt and perverse opinion which many have of their own wives, thinking them of all other the worst and vnfittest; yea though they be such as every way both in gifts and qualities of mind, and also in grace and comeliness of body deserve all good respect and esteem. Whereas others (which look with a single eye) commend their good parts, they Misinterpret and misiudge all: if their wives be religious, they think them hypocrites: if grave, sober and modest, melancholicke: if cheerful, wanton: if they keep at home, idle drones: if they take occasion (though never so just) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wives is a cause that their hearts are clean removed from their own, and set upon strange flesh: whereby the devil gaineth what he desireth, that is, to put asunder such as God hath joined together, and to join those whom God hath put asunder.

§. 11. Of husbands entire affection to their wives.

An husbands affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife entirely, that is, so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this respect the Prophets wife is called the desire, or delight, or pleasure of his eyes: that wherein he most of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety so called.

Such delight did Isaac take in his wife as it drove out a contrary strong passion, namely the grief which he took for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that he loved her, and was comforted after his mothers death.

This kind of affection the wise-man doth elegantly set forth in these words, Rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, and be thou rauisht always with her love. Here note both the metaphors, and also the hyperbole which are used to set forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors again note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled, and also the attributes given to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Buck: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Buck, that of all other beasts they are most enamored (as I may so speak) with their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire after them.

These metaphors hath Solomon used to set forth that unfeigned and earnest, entire and ardent affection which an husband ought to bear unto his wife: which being taken in a good sense, and rightly applied, so as they exceed not the bonds of Christian modesty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpose: if we stretch them beyond modesty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him, and propound a pernicious pattern unto husbands.

The attributes given to the forenamed creatures much amplify the point: the former is termed a loving Hind, the latter a pleasant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loves, a Roe of favor, that is, exceedingly loved and favored: (for to set forth the extent of God's love unto his Son, Christ is called the son of his love:)

These comparisons applied to a wife, do lively set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole used in this phrase, be thou rauisht with her love, word for word err thou in her love, by which no sinful error, or dotage is meant, but a lawful earnest affection: implying two things especially: First so far to exceed, as to make a man oversee some such blemishes in his wife, as others would soon espy and mislike: or else to count them no blemishes, delighting in her never a whit the less for them. For example, if a man have a wife, not very beautiful, or proper, but having some deformity in her body, some imperfection in her speech, sight, gesture, or any part of her body, yet so to affect her, and delight in her, as if she were the fairest, and every way most complete woman in the world. Secondly, so highly to esteem, so ardently to affect, so tenderly to respect her, as others may think him even to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honesty, sobriety and comeliness. The wives affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet because of the husbands place of authority, he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse, as would make one think he did (with reverence in an holy manner to use the phrase) even err in his love and doat on her. A good pattern and president for husbands. For nothing is more lovely them a good wife.

§. 12. Of the Stoicall disposition of husbands to their wives.

Contrary is the disposition of such husbands as have no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoic-like delight no more in their own wives then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A disposition no way warranted by the word. The faithful Saints of God before mentioned, as also many other like to them, were no Stoics, without all affection: nor did they think it a matter unbeseeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wives (witness Isaac's sporting with his wife) for this is a privilege which appertaineth to the estate of marriage. But that I be not mistaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I speak is not a carnal, sensual, beastly affection, but such an one as may stand with Christian gravity and so briety: having relation to the soul of a man's wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the near conjunction of marriage, and also on the inward qualities of his wife.

Thus far of an husbands inward respect of his wife. It followeth to speak of his outward carriage towards her.

§. 13. Of an husbands kind acceptance of such things as his wife doth.

S. Peter giveth a general rule for an husbands outward carriage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his carriage wisely to his own honor and his wives good, that so she may have just cause to bless God that ever she was joined to such an husband.

Out of this general these two branches sprout forth.

• 1. That an husband give no just offense to his wife.
• 2. That wisely he order that offense which is given by her.

To avoid giving of offense he must have respect,

• 1. To that which she doth as duty to him.
• 2. To that which he doth as duty to her.

In regard of the former two things are requisite:

• 1. That he kindly accept what she is willing and able to do.
• 2. That he wisely commend and reward what she doth well.

Thus having for orders sake laid down these heads, I will distinctly handle the several points.

The first particular wherein an husband showeth himself to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kind and respective acceptation of every good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in testimony of his good acceptance of Sarah's pains in nursing her child, made a great feast when the child was weined: and Elkanah on a like respect gave liberty to his wife to do what seemed her best.

A great encouragement must this needs be unto wives to be subject unto their husbands in all things, when they observe no part of their subjection to be carelessly neglected, but rather graciously accepted: it quickens the spirit of a wife to think that her care and pains in pleasing her husband shall not be in vain.

§. 14. Of husbands slighting and rejecting their wives goodness.

Contrary is their practice who thinking all which a wife doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and slightly pass it over. This oftentimes maketh a wife even repent the good she hath done, as David repented the service which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wives ought rather to look unto God for his acceptation then unto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they do, yet for conscience sake, and for the Lord's sake to do their duty: But yet notwithstanding considering our weakness and backwardness unto every duty, it cannot be denied but that an husbands sleight regarding of his wives goodness is an occasion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.

But what may we say of such as scornfully reject their wives duty, yea like them the worse for making conscience thereof, and so (clean contrary to the rule of christianity) overcome goodness with evil? Surely they show a very diabolical spirit to be in them: and cannot but minister much grief, and offense to their wives, and make that which they do to be very irksome and tedious. Fathers ought not to provoke their children, much less husbands their wives.

§. 15. Of husbands courteous accepting their wives reverend carriage.

For the better conceiving of this so needful a point I will somewhat more particularly and distinctly apply the same to the several duties of a wife: which were drawn to two heads

For the first, if a wife manifest her dutiful respect of her husband by any reverend behavior, gesture, or speech, he ought to meet her (as we say) in the midst of the way, and manifest his gracious acceptance thereof by some like courteous behavior, gesture, and speech, being seemly, not foolish.

§. 15. Of husbands too great loftiness.

Contrary is a lofty carriage of husbands to their wives, who overlook all reverence shown by wives, no more respecting their wives in this case, then children or servants: or then Kings do respect the reverence of their subjects.

Oft have I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiors, in which respect all evidences of reverence should much better be respected; yet we know that Kings and Queens will put out their hands to be kissed by their subjects when they kneel before them, which is a token of courtesy: how much more ought husbands to show courtesy? Vnworthy they are to be reverenced of their wives, who too Lord-like overlook them.

§. 16. Of husbands ready yielding to their wives humble suits.

Again, it being a token of reverence in a wife humbly to make known her desire to her husband, he ought to show so much courtesy as readily to grant her desire: this courtesy the forenamed Ahasuerus afforded to Esther: David to Bathsheba: Isaac to Rebekah: Abraham to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wives. Abraham shown herein such respect to his wife, that though the thing which she desired were grievous to him, yet he yielded to his wife.

§. 17. Of husbands harshness to their wives.

Contrary is the harshness of their disposition who yield to their wives request as an hard-milch-cow letteth down her milk, not without much ado: whereby the grace of all their yielding is taken away. There can be no courtesy in yielding, when it is against their mind and will forced from them: their wives must ask, and entreat again and again, yea be forced to use the mediation of others to persuade their husbands to yield to their request before they will yield, if at all they yield. What is this but to proclaim to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wives? If a wives breath be strange to her husband, assuredly his heart is first strange to her: which is the ready way to make him set his heart on strange women.

§. 18. Of husbands forbearing to exact all that they may.

As a wives reverence so also her obedience must be answered with her husbands courtesy. In testimony whereof, An husband must be ready to accept that wherein his wife showeth her self willing to obey him. He ought to be sparing in exacting too much of her: in this case he ought so to frame his carriage towards her, as that obedience which she performeth, may rather come from her own voluntary disposition, from a free conscience to God-wards, even because God hath placed her in a place of subjection, and from a wiue-like love, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.

Husbands ought not to exact of their wives, whatsoever wives ought to yield unto if it be exacted. They must observe what is lawful, needful, convenient, expedient, fit for their wives to do, yea and what they are most willing to do before they be too peremptory in exacting it. For example.

1. Though the wife ought to go with her husband, and dwell where he thinks meet, yet ought not he (unless by virtue of some urgent calling he be forced thereto) remove her from place to place, and carry her from that place where she is well settled without her good liking. Jacob consulted with his wives, and made try all of their willingness, before he carried them from their fathers house.

2. Though she ought cheerfully to entertain what guests he bringeth into the house, yet ought not he to be grievous and burdensome therein unto her: the greatest care and pains for entertaining guests lieth on the wife: she ought therefore to be tendered therein.

If he observe her conscionable and wise, well able to manage and order matters about house, yet loath to do anything without his consent, he ought to be ready and free in yielding his consent, and satisfying her desire, as , Elkanah: and if she be bashful and backward in asking consent, he ought voluntarily of himself to offer it: yea and to give her a general consent to order and dispose matters as in her wisdom she seeth meet, as the said Elkanah did: (Do (saith he to his wife) what seemeth thee good:) and the husband of that good housewife which Solomon describeth.

A general consent is especially requisite for ordering of household affairs: for it is a charge laid upon wives to guide the house: whereby it appeareth that the businesses of the house appertain, and are most proper to the wife: in which respect she is called the house-wife: so as therein husbands ought to refer matters to their ordering, and not restrain them in every particular matter from doing anything without a special license and direction. To exemplify this in some particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,

• 1. To order the decking and trimming of the house.
• 2. To dispose the ordinary provision for the family.
• 3. To rule and govern maid servants.
• 4. To bring up children while they are young, with the like. These therefore ought he with a general consent to refer to her discretion: with limitation only of these two cautions.

1. That she have in some measure sufficient discretion, wit, and wisdom, and be not too ignorant, foolish, simple, lavish, &c.

2. That he have a general oversight in all, and so interpose his authority as he suffer nothing that is unlawful or unseemly to be done by his wife about house, children, servants, or other things: for

• 1. The general charge of all lieth principally upon him.
• 2. He shall give an account unto God for all things that are amiss in his house.

3. The blame of all will also before men lie upon him.

But those two cautions provided, he ought together with his general consent put trust in his wife, (as Potiphar did in Joseph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of years, friends, or servants whom he employeth in his affairs. Them in every particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a strait account of them for expenses laid out, or other things done: because what they do is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a joint parent of his children, and governor of his house, to whose good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that respect doth for her self that which she doth for her husband) greater liberty, and license must be given.

§. 19. Of husbands too much strictness towards their wives.

Contrary is the rigor and austerity of many husbands, who stand upon the uttermost step of their authority, and yield no more to a wife then to any other inferior. Such are they

1. Who are never contented or satisfied with any duty the wife performeth, but ever are exacting more and more.

2. Who care not how grievous and burdensome they are to their wives: grievous by bringing such guests into the house as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdensome by tu frequent, and unseasonable inviting of guests, or imposing other like extraordinary businesses, over and above the ordinary affairs of the house. Too frequent imposing of such things, cannot but breed much wearisomeness. Vnseasonable (as when the wife is weak by sickness, child-bearing, giving suck or other like means, and so not able to give that contentment which otherwise she would) cannot but much disquiet her, and give her great offense.

3. Who hold their wives under as if they were children or servants, restraining them from doing anything without their knowledge and particular express consent.

4. Who are over busy in prying into every business of the house, and will have their hand in all. Besides that such husbands afford no opportunity to their wives of giving proof of that understanding, wit, wisdom, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withal, they take away that main end for which a wife was given a man, namely, to be a • help. Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty matters, which more properly belong unto them. For observe it and you shall find, that such husbands as are most busy about the private affairs of the house appertaining to their wives, are most negligent of such affairs as appertain unto themselves: they think they walk in integrity, but yet are they not just nor wise therein: for the just man walketh in HIS integrity, and the wisdom of the prudent is to understand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his own peculiar place; and his own way: but every fool will be meddling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.

5. Who are over suspicious of their wives, and thereupon over strict in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth surmises evil, and that not without just cause: for evil they are in their nature, and evil in their effects, being occasions of many mischiefs: but in none so evil as in husbands over their wives. If a wives fidelity (to whose good the welfare of the family, and increase of the stock redoundeth as well as to the husbands) be without just cause suspected, who shall be trusted? It is the overthrow of many families, that servants are trusted, and not wives.

Thus far of an husbands kind acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to do.

§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wives in good things.

The love which an husband oweth to his wife, further re • uireth that he wisely commend and reward what she hath well • one. That which the Apostle faith of the Magistrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same. It is expressly noted in the description of a good husband, • hat he praiseth his wife: and in that he saith, Give her of the • uit of her hands, it is implied also that he rewardeth her.

This is an undoubted evidence of his good acceptance of • er duty, and a further encouragement to stir her up to go on and continue in well doing. Yea this is also an evidence of his by and delight both in her person, and also in her well doing. 〈◊〉 there be no delight in ones person, well doing will rather stir up envy then joy: and they that envy a man's well doing, will never commend, or reward him for it.

In an husbands commending of his wife this caveat must be put: that he so order his commendation as it savor not of flattery, or dotage: nor yet stir up lust or envy in others.

§. 21. Of husbands ungrateful discouraging their wives.

Contrary is an ungrateful, if not envious disposition of such husbands, as passing by many good things ordinarily and usually every day done by their wives without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to dispraise the least slip, or neglect in them; and that in such general terms as if they never did anything well, so as their wives may well complain and say as it is in the proverb,

Yet such will be ready to praise other men's wives, and up braid their own wives with the examples of those other, when their own do far excel them in all kind of goodness. What doth this show but that either they take no notice of their own wives goodness, or else by reason of the commonness thereof little regard it? If their wives have not the more grace in them, this disposition is enough not only to discourage them from doing any good duty, but also to breed jealousy in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.

§. 22. Of an husbands mildness.

Hitherto of that respect which an husband is to have of that duty which his wife performeth to him.

For avoiding just offense, an husband must further have good respect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he must accept duty at his wives hands, so mildly he must perform that duty which he oweth to her.

This mildness is an especial fruit, and evidence of love, and a notable means to take away all offense that otherwise might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Honey are not more pleasant to the tongue, then mildness to the heart; it causeth such things as otherwise are irksome and grievous to the soul, to be well taken and applied, even as bitter pills dipt in sweet syrrop, or rolled up in the soft pap of an apple, are soon swallowed down and well digested. If an husband desire to be accounted a servant of the Lord he must learn this lesson: For the servant of the Lord must be gentle to all men. If any other servant of the Lord, much more husbands: if to all men, most of all to their wives: and that in many respects.

• 1. Because of the near union betwixt man and wife.
• 2. Because of the joint authority she hath with him over others: that herein he may be a president and example to her.
• 3. Because of her weakness: glasses are tenderly handled: a small knock soon breaks them.

§. 23. Of husbands bitterness.

Contrary is bitterness, a vice expressly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot stand with an husband-like love: whereupon the Apostle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, Love (saith he) and be not bitter. Nothing more turneth the edge of his authority, perverteth the use of his government, provoketh the stomach of his wife, maketh his words and deeds less regarded, then bitterness. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with sweet and wholesome meats, which causeth that they cannot be well digested, but with violence are spit out again so soon as ever they be tasted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be so much the more watchful against it, love your wives and be not bitter unto them.

§. 24. Of the Titles which an husband giveth to his wife.

For so far as reverence extends it self in the duties of wives, must mildness be extended in the duties of husbands.

Whether an husbands speech be to his wife before her face, or of her behind her back, it must be sweetened with mildness.

1. For his speech to her, 1. The titles wherewith he calleth her. 2. The instructions which he giveth her. 3. The commandments which he layeth upon her. 4. The reproofs wherewith he checketh her, must all be mixed with mildness.

Among other titles, the most ordinary and usual title (wife) is a mild and kind title, and least offensive of all other: if an husband give any other title to his wife, it must be such an one as manifesteth kindness, familiarity, love, and delight. Such are all the titles which Christ giveth to the Church, as Spouse, Love, Dove, with the like. I do not deny but that in the Song of Solomon, and in other places of Scripture many titles are given and speeches used by Christ to the Church which are not meet to be used by husbands to their wives, because they are metaphorical, and hyperbolical: but yet in them all we may observe tokens of amiableness, kindness, and mildness, which is the end for which I have alleged his example.

But contrary are such titles as on the one side set the wife in too high a place over her husband, as Lady, Mistress, Dame, Mother, &c. And on the other side set her in too mean a rank, as woman, wench, &c. And their Christian names contracted, as Sal, Mal, Besse, Nan. &c. and names of kindred, as Sister, and Cosen: and, opprobrious names, as stut, drab, queant; and names more befitting beasts then wives, as Cole, Brown, Muggle, &c.

§. 25. Of an husbands manner of instructing his wife.

2. To instruction the Apostle expressly annexeth meekness, Instruct (saith he) with meekness, those that oppose themselves. If ministers must use meekness when they instruct their people, much more husbands when they instruct their wives: if in case of opposition meekness must not be laid aside, then in no case, at no time.

In this case to manifest meekness, let these rules be observed.

1. Note the understanding and capacity of thy wife, and accordingly fit thine instructions: if she be of mean capacity, give precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little and there a little: a little at once oft given (namely every day something) will arise in time to a great measure, and so arise, as, together with knowledge of the thing taught, love of the person that teacheth will increase.

2. Instruct her in private betwixt thyself and her, that so her ignorance may not be blazed forth: private actions passing betwixt man and wife are tokens of much kindness and familiarity.

3. In the family so instruct children and servants when she is present, as she may learn knowledge thereby: there can be no more meek and gentle manner of instructing, then by one to instruct another.

4. Together with thy precepts mixe sweet and pithy persuasions, which are testimonies of great love.

Contrary is an harsh and rough manner of instructing, when husbands go about to thrust into their wives heads, as it were by violence, deep mysteries which they are not able to conceive, and yet if they conceive not, they will be angry with them, and in anger give them evil language, and proclaim their ignorance before children, servants, and strangers. This harshness is ordinarily so fruitless, and withal so exasperateth a woman's spirit, as I think he were better clean omit the duty then do it after such a manner.

§. 26. Of an husbands manner of commanding his wife anything.

3. The commandments which an husband giveth to his wife, whether they be affirmative (bidding her to do something) or negative (forbidding her to do this or that) must all be seasoned with mildness. For which end respect must be had to the matter and manner of his commandments.

In regard of the matter the things which he commandeth his wife to do, must be

• 1. Such as are indeed lawful and honest.
• 2. Such as she is persuaded to be so.
• 3. Such as beseem her place.
• 4. Such as are of weight and moment.

And on the contrary, the things which he forbiddeth must be

• 1. Such as are indeed unlawful to be done.
• 2. Such as he can evidently prove unto her to be unlawful.
• 3. Such as are unbeseeming her place.
• 4. Such as will have some evil and mischievous effect if they be done.

1. To command a thing unlawful, or forbid a thing which ought to be done, is to bring his own authority into opposition with God's: in which case he bringeth his wife into this strait, either to reject God's commandment or his. How then can she think that her husband loveth her, when he bringeth her into such snares and straits, that she must needs fall into the gulf of God's displeasure, or knock against the rock of her husbands offense? Mildness is far from such commandments.

2. The like may be said of such things as to a wives conscience seem to be sinful, if they be enjoined to her; or her bounden duty, if they be forbidden: especially if she have any ground for her conscience out of God's word. The conscience is subject to God alone: if it be forced it will be a fearful horror, and a very hell in that party whose conscience is forced: She that doubteth is condemned if she do that whereof she maketh doubt.

§. 27. Of an husbands wise carriage when his wife is erroneeusly scrupulous.

§. 28. Of an husbands forbearing to press things unbeseeming a wives place.

3. Things unbeseeming the place of a wife are dishonorable unto her: for an husband to urge his wife by strict charge to do them, implieth more rigorousnesse then mildness. Had the spirit of that stout Monarch Ahasuerus been more mild towards his wife, he would not have so far pressed his wife unto so unseemly a thing as he did, namely, to come before all his Princes and people to make show of her beauty. It is true indeed (as we shown before) that she offended in refusing to yield thereunto, he peremptorily requiring it; but that offense on her part doth not justify his fact, and free him from all blame: it is noted, that he was merry with wine, when he gave that commandment, whereby is intimated, that his practice was more beseeming a drunken, then a sober man: such is their practice who exact of their wives to do such businesses as beseem maid-servants rather then wives, or strumpets rather then honest women; as to go to taverns, ale-houses, play-houses, and such places where light companions be.

§. 29. Of an husbands pressing his authority in weighty matters.

4. To use a man's authority about weighty matters, matters of moment, maketh it to have such weight in it, as it will much better be regarded: for thus a wife will either be brought to yield unto that which is commanded, or to condemn her self for not yielding: yea thus a wife may see, that it is not his own will so much which maketh him to use his authority in commanding, as the necessity of the thing it self, which redoundeth especially to her good that doth it: for the performance of a duty is for the most part most aduantageable to the party that performeth it, so as hereby an husband showeth love to his wife in pressing that which he presseth.

This token of love that it may the better appear, it is behooveful that an husband add to his commandment just & weighty reasons, that thereby his wife may the better discern the meetness, lawfulness, expediency, and necessity of the things commanded. We know that all the things which God commandeth are weighty and necessary: yea his will (being the very rule, and ground of all goodness) maketh things absolutely necessary, yet unto his commandments he useth to add weighty reasons; showing on the one side the benefit and blessedness that will come to such as obey his commandments; and on the other side, the mischief and misery that will fall on their pates who refuse to obey; whereby he showeth the great good respect which he beareth to us, and the earnest desire he hath of our good. Thus may an husband even in his commandments show much love and kindness.

§. 30. Of husbands too great pride in commanding.

Contrary is the peremptory pride of husbands, when they will have their own will done: it booteth not whether the thing commanded be lawful or unlawful, whether their wives consciences can yield unto it or no, whether it stand with the honor of their places or no, and whether it be weighty or light; their will it is it should be done, and done it shall be, there is all the reason they will give. Some think it a glory to command what they list; and think that there is no proof of their authority, and of their wives subjection, but in such things as upon their own will, without any further ground or reason, they command. If such husbands meet with confronts; if though they command much, they find not answerable performance; they may thank themselves, who run the ready course to have their authority contemned and even trodden under foot.

§. 31. Of husbands rare and mild using their commanding power.

Respect must be had by husbands to the manner of using their authority in commanding as well as to the matter.

In regard of the manner his commandments must be

• 1. Rare, not too frequent.
• 2. By way of entreating, not too peremptory.

Authority is like a sword, which with over much using will be blunted, and so fail to do that service which otherwise it might when there is most need. A wise, grave, peaceable man, may always have his sword in readiness, and that also very bright, keen, and sharp: but he will not be very ready to pluck it out of his scabbard; he rather keepeth it for a time of need, when it should stand him in most steed. Such husbands therefore as are too frequent in their commands, show themselves nor grave, nor wise, nor lovers of peace.

As the use of an husbands authority in commanding must be rare, so when there is occasion to use it, it must be with such mildness and moderation tempered, so as (according to Saint Paul's example) though he have power to command that which is convenient, yet for loves sake he rather entreat it. Note how mildly Abram frameth his speech to his wife, Say I pray thee (saith he) thou art my sister. Though the thing he required favored of too much weakness, yet his manner of requiring it was well beseeming a kind husband.

§. 32. Of husbands insolency and peremptoriousness.

Contrary is the insolency of many, who cannot speak to their wives, but in commanding-wise. Their authority is like a swaggerers sword, which cannot long rest in the sheath, but upon every small occasion is drawn forth. This frequent use of commanding, maketh their commandments naught regarded. The like may be said of them who are too peremptory in commanding: there must be no saying of nay, to that which they say: upon command they will have their mind done, and no other way: no persuasion, no entreaty shall be used: they will rather not at all have their will done, then not upon absolute command: nay they will not suffer others, in case of any refusal, to entreat, or persuade, but will try what absolutely they can do by authority. Thus as by trying to bend steel how far it will go, it oft breaketh; so by putting their authority to the uttermost trial, they oft lose all their authority: in which case the mends (as we speak) is in their own hands.

§. 33. Of an husbands reproving his wife.

4. The authority and charge which God hath given to an husband over his wife, do require that as good and just occasion is offered, he should reprove her: for this is an especial means to draw her from those sins, wherein otherwise she might live and lie, yea and die also; and so live, lie, and die under God's wrath: out of which misery and wretchedness to free a wife, is as great a token of love, as to pull her out of the water when she is in danger of drowning, or out of the fire when she is in danger of burning. Solomon thus styleth reproofs, reproofs of life, and expressly noteth reproofs to be the way of life, a means to breed and preserve spiritual life, and to bring one unto eternal life, and so to escape death and damnation. In these respects rebukes are called a precious balm, or excellent oil, which may heal a wound, but make none: it breaketh not the head, as the Psalmist speaketh. Upon this ground, no doubt, it is noted of many good husbands, who were without all question, loving, kind, meek, and mild husbands, that they reproved their wives: as Jacob, Job, David, and others.

§. 34. Of neglecting reproof.

Contrary is a servile and timorous mind of many husbands, who are loath to offend, and (as they think) to provoke their wives; and thereupon choose rather to let them continue in sin, then tell them of it. Wherein they both dishonor their place, and the image of God, which by virtue of their place they carry, and also in effect and in truth hate their wives; which the Law implieth, where it saith, Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart, but shalt plainly rebuke thy neighbor, and not suffer sin upon him.

§. 35. Of well ordering reproof in the matter thereof.

That an husband may evidently demonstrate that his reproving of his wife is indeed a fruit of his love, he must have an especial care to sweeten it, especially with mildness: for it is the bitterest pill that by an husband can be given to a wife. It is a verbal correction, & in that respect a middle means (as I may so speak) betwixt admonition and correction; partaking somewhat of both: it goeth no further then words, and so is an admonition: the words of a reproof are sharp, and so it is a correction: though it be but a mild correction, yet it is a sharp admonition; and all the correction which by himself an husband can give his wife: for we shall after show that he may not proceed to blows, and strokes.

To sweeten reproof with mildness respect must be had (as before was noted of commanding) both to the matter, and also to the manner thereof.

Justice requireth that it be a truth, and a known truth, even a thing whereof he is assured, for which he reproveth his wife. Christ in giving direction for reproving aright, layeth down this as a ground, If thy brother shall trespass, &c. a trespass therefore must go before reproof: where no trespass is, there reproof is unjust.

Again, the Apostle adviseth that an accusation should not be received but under two, or three witnesses; whereby he implieth that a light report must not be received, but where blame is laid, there must be two or three witnesses to confirm it, so as he that censureth may have good and sure ground for that which he doth: indeed that advise was in particular given about an elder, but from the less to the greater it will follow to be a good advise concerning wives: for no kind of person must be more wary in laying blame upon another and reproving for the same, then an husband on his wife.

Equity further requireth that the matter for which an husband reproveth his wife be weighty; namely for some fault that is dangerous to her soul, hurtful to their estate, contagious by reason of ill example to children, and others in the family, but most of all for sin against God which provoketh his wrath, and pulleth down his heavy curse upon him, her, and the whole family.

When that for which a wife is reproved is a truth, a known truth, and a weighty truth, the husband in performing this duty justifieth his deed, showeth that there was need thereof, and so giveth evidence of his love, maketh his reproof to pierce the more deeply, and so maketh her the more ashamed of her fault; whence it will follow, that either she will amend her fault or at least will have her mouth stopped, so as she shall have nothing to except against it. The reproof of the three Saints before mentioned, Jacob, Job, and David, were answerable to these points of Justice and wisdom: and the effects thereof answerable to those which we have noted in this reason, as the silence of the three wives implieth: for none of them replied again.

§. 36. Of undue reproof.

Contrary to the forenamed Justice and equity are ouerlight credulity and undue suspicion. Credulitie is when credence is given to every light report, and thereupon blame laid upon the wife before any just proof be made of that for which she is blamed: whereby it oft cometh to pass, that she is wrongfully and unjustly blamed: which if she be, what good fruit can proceed from such reproofs? yea what evil fruits are not like to proceed from thence, as secret discontent (if not malice and hatred) and open contentions and brawlings?

The like may be said of light and causeless suspicion, which is the mother of jealousy, and the very bane of marriage, from whence the devil taketh great advantage against them both, seeking thereby to unloose that knot which God hath so firmly knit betwixt them. Suspicion to the mind is as a coloured glass to the eye, which representeth things to the sight not as indeed they are in their own true color, but as the color of the glass is. Suspicion will make a man pervert everything that his wife doth, and blame her many times for such things as are praise-worthy: in which case what can be thought, but that an husband seeketh advantage against his wife, rather then any good unto her?

If to those two forenamed vices (credulity and suspicion) he • dde rashness and hastiness in reproving, and make every • mall and light matter which any way he disliketh, matter of reproof, doth he not proclaim to all that shall know it, that he loves chiding more then he loves his wife? Yea is not this the ready way to make all his reproof (if not scorned) lightly regarded? What then will be the profit of them?

§. 37. Whether an husband may reprove his wife for such things as he is guilty of.

To the matter of reproof some add, that an husband ought not to reprove his wife for that fault whereof he himself is guilty: but I make doubt of this direction. I deny not but that he ought to have an especial care that he be not guilty of that crime for which he blameth his wife; otherwise, 1. he blunteth the edge of his reproof, so as readily it cannot pierce into her heart. 2. He causeth it to rebound back again upon himself with these reproaches, Physician healethy self: Hypocrite first cast the beam out of thine own eye. Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thyself? 3. He is an heavy witness against himself; for in that he judgeth another he condemneth himself. But thereupon to infer, that because he is guilty of such vices as are in his wife, he ought not to reprove her though she be worthy to be reproved, is scarce sound and good divinity: for thus he maketh himself guilty of a double fault, one of committing the sin himself, the other of suffering his wife to lie therein: whereas if he reproved his wife, he might thereby reclaim both her and himself: for I doubt not but his reproving of his wife would strike deeper into his own conscience then if a third should reprove them both. How were Judah and David stricken to the heart after they had given sentence against such crimes as they themselves were guilty of? It is a good advice that no man be guilty of that which he reproveth in his wife, but it is no good rule to say, no man ought to reprove his wife of that whereof he is guilty.

§. 38. Of well ordering reproof in the manner thereof,

Like directions to those which were given for the manner of commanding must be observed in the manner of reproving.

When reproofs are seldom used, not but upon urgent and necessary occasion, 1. It showeth that an husband taketh no delight in rebuking his wife, but is even forced thereto. 2. It maketh his wife much more regard it. 3. It is like to work a more perfect cure, for seldom and rare reproofs do commonly pierce most deeply.

Contrary is continual chiding, and finding fault with a wife for everything amiss: if not only the wife her self, but a child, or servant, or any else in the house do amiss, the wife shall be blamed for it. This is too common a fault in husbands: whereby they much provoke their wives; yea and many times make them no more regard a reproof then any other word. For as birds which always abide in Belfries where much ringing is, are not a whit affrighted with their loud sound; so wives who have their ears from time to time filled with their husbands rebuke, by use are brought, nothing at all to be moved therewith.

2. That a reproof must be given in meekness is clear by the Apostles general precept of restoring one in the spirit of meekness: for a right manner of reproving is thereby particularly intended. Now of all with whom we have to do, no fitter object for meekness then a wife, who in a more peculiar manner then any other is thine own flesh.

Meekness hath respect both to secrecy of place, and to softness of words.

When an husband is alone with his wife, then is the fittest season for reproof: thus will reproof be answerable to Christ's direction: tell him his fault between thee and him alone (saith Christ of a brother:) but no brother must be tendered more then a wife. Thus will it also soake better into her soul, when no conceit of dishonor and discredit shall arise up to hinder the work of it: which conceits will be ready to arise when a reproof is given in public before others. Thus likewise will occasion be taken away from children and servants of despising her: which otherwise they would quickly take, • f before them she should be rebuked; gathering from thence, • hat she is kept under as much as they: now because she is with him a joint governor of them, he ought by all means to maintain her reputation before them.

§. 39. Of indiscreet reproving a wife.

Contrary is the indiscretion of husbands who regard nor place, nor persons, nor time, nor temper of themselves or their wives, nor any other circumstance in reproving, but like Saul (who at a table where a great feast was, in presence of his Nobles and Captains, when he was enraged with anger, with most virulent and bitter speeches not rebuked only but reproached also his son, and that with such words as he spared not his own wife; for in his passion he called his son, son of the perverse rebellious woman:) like this foolish and furious Saul, I say, they take the most open place of the family before children, servants, and whole house, to reprove their wives; and that with such bitter and disgraceful terms, as either they provoke their wives to answer again for maintaining (as they think) their own credit and reputation, (thus Jonathan was provoked to answer his father again:) or else give them of the house that behold her thus trampled under foot, occasion to set their feet also upon her.

Most husbands are forward enough to reprove, but few do it in meekness, and moderation. They cannot do it but in company, nor without bitter words. Many in rebuking their wives, stick not to use all the evil terms that they can think of, even such as tend not only to their wives dishonor, but also to their own and their children's infamy. The reason whereof is, because they never rebuke but when they are in passion, and so scarce know what they do: whereby also they stir up passion in their wives, and yet for all that refrain not any whit the more, but rather grow more violent: as when the heat of two fires meet together, the flame must needs be the greater. This being the preposterous practice of many husbands, is it any marvel that ordinarily so little good, and so much hurt is done by reproving? Nay, would it not be a wonder, if any good, and no hurt should be done thereby? This therefore though it be a duty, yet a duty rarely and with great moderation to be used.

Thus far of an husbands mildness in his speeches to his wife.

§. 40. Of an husbands amiable countenance towards his wife.

An husbands carriage towards his wife must be answerable to his speech, or else all the mildness thereof will seem but complemental.

A man's carriage compriseth under it, his Countenance, Gesture, Actions: in all which must mildness be seated.

1. His countenance in his wives presence, and towards his wife, must be composed to an amiable pleasantness. His authority over her, and eminency above her, may not make him forget the near conjunction and union betwixt them.

Under the face and countenance I comprise head, brow, eyes, lips and such other parts which are, according as they are framed, signs of amiableness, or discontentedness. Now among, and above other parts of the body, the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart. By Esau's pleasant countenance Jacob perceived that he was pacified in his heart towards him, and thereupon said, I have seen thy face as though I had seen the face of God, that is, an amiable, gracious countenance. On this ground David desired God, to lift up the light of his countenance upon him, that thereby he might know the favor and love of God towards him. On the other side by a frowning and lowering face, by hanging down the head, putting out the lips, with the like, anger, malice, grief, with other like affections of heart, are manifested: by Cain's casting down of his countenance God discerned anger and envy to be in his heart: by Laban's countenance Jacob observed that his affection was turned from him. A wife then beholding mildness and amiableness in her husbands face, beholds it as the face of God, and therein as in a looking glass beholds the kindness and love of his heart, and so hath her heart thereby the more firmly knit unto him, and is moved the more to respect him.

§. 41. Of husbands too great austerity.

Contrary is 1. A lofty proud countenance, as of an imperious Lord over his vassals.

2. A grim stern countenance, as of a judge over poor prisoners.

3. A lowering frowning countenance, as of a discontented • reditor over a desperate debtor.

4. A fierce fiery countenance, as of an angry King over a • biect that hath displeased him.

These and such like countenances as they manifest a proud, stout, furious discontented disposition of heart, so they cannot but give great discontent to a wife, yea and much affright her being but a weak vessel, and alienate her heart and affection from him.

§. 42. Of an husbands familiar gesture with his wife.

II. An husbands gesture ought to be so familiar, and amiable towards his wife, as others may discern him to be her husband, and his wife may be provoked to be familiar with him. They which this way are ready to show themselves kind and mild husbands, are prone to exceed and so to fall into an extreme on the right hand: for some are never well but when they have their wives in their laps, ever colling, kissing, and dallying with them, they care not in what company; thus they show more lightness, fondness, and dotage, then true kindness and love, which forgetteth not an husband-like gravity, sobriety, modesty and decency.

Some stick not to allege Isaac's sporting with Rebekah, to countenance their lasciviousness.

But they forget that what Isaac did, was when he and his wife were alone: he was seen through a window. Much greater liberty is granted to man and wife when they are alone, then in company. Besides there are many other ways to show kindness and familiarity, then by lightness and wantonness.

§. 43. Of an husbands strangeness to his wife.

Contrary to the familiarity I speak of, is (as we speak) strangeness, when an husband so carrieth himself towards his wife as if she were a stranger to him: if he come in company where his wife is, of all other women he will not turn to her, nor take notice of her. This fault is so much the greater if such a man be of a free pleasant carriage, and use to be merry and familiar with other women. Though his mirth and familiarity be such as is not unbeseeming a Christian, yet his carriage being of another temper towards his wife, it may be a means to breed jealousy in her. Many think outward kind gesture towards wife to be fondness, but if they knew what a means it is to stir up, increase, and preserve love in a wives heart to her husband, they would be otherwise minded.

§. 43. Of an husbands giving favors to his wife.

III. Actions are of all other the most real demonstrations of true kindness, wherein an husband must not fail, as he would have his kind speech, countenance, and gesture to be taken in the better part. Kindnesse and mildness in action consisteth in giving favors (as we speak) unto his wife. This is expressly noted in Elkanah, who every year gave favors to his wives. Thus an husband as he testifieth his love to his wife, so he will much provoke her to do all duty to him. A small gift, as an action of kindness freely given, not upon any debt, but in testimony of love, doth more work on the heart of her to whom it is given, then much more given upon contract, or for a work done, whereby it may seem to be deserved.

In giving favors to a wife, an husband ought to be more bountiful and liberal, then to others, that so she may see thereby he loves her above all; as it is noted that Elkanah gave Anna a worthy portion, because he loved her. And in giving favors it is best to bestow them with his own hands, unless he be absent from her.

§. 44. Of husbands beating their wives.

Contrary are the furious, and spiteful actions of many unkind husbands (heads too heady) whose favors are buffets, blows, strokes, & stripes: wherein they are worse then the venomous viper. For the viper for his mates sake casteth out his poison: and wilt not thou, ô husband, in respect of that near union which is betwixt thee and thy wife, lay aside thy fierceness and cruelty? Many wives by reason of their husbands fury, are in worse case then servants: for

1. Such as will not give a blow to a servant, care not what load they lay upon their wives.

2. Where servants have but a time and term to be under the tyranny of such furious men, poor wives are tied to them all their life long.

3. Wives cannot have so good remedy by the help of law against cruel husbands, as servants may have against cruel masters.

4. Masters have not such opportunity to exercise their cruelty over servants as husbands over wives, who are to be continually at board and bed with their husbands.

5. The nearer wives are, and the dearer they ought to be to their husbands, the more grievous must strokes needs be when they are given by an husbands hand, then by a masters.

6. The less power and authority that an husband hath to strike his wife, then a master to strike a servant, the more heavy do his strokes seem to be, and the worse doth the case of a wife seem to be in that respect, then of a servant. Not unfitly therefore is such a man (if he may be thought a man rather then a beast) said to be like a father-queller and mother-queller.

§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wines infirmities.

A general duty it is, common to all of all sorts, to bear one another's burden: in which extent even a wife is to bear her husbands burden, because he, as everyone else, is subject to slip and fall, and so hath need to be supported. Yet after a more special and peculiar manner doth this duty belong to an husband, and that in two respects.

1. Of the two, he is more bound then his wife, because in relation to his wife he is the stronger: for she is the weaker vessel, 1. Pet. 3. 7. But the strong are most bound to bear with the infirmities of the weak, Rom. 15. 1.

2. He is bound to bear with his wife more then with any other, because of that near conjunction which is betwixt them: he that cannot bear with his wife, his flesh, can bear with nobody. The reason alleged by the Apostle to move a man to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to give honor to her, intimated in this phrase, as to the weaker vessel, showeth that this is a peculiar duty belonging to an husband, wherein, and whereby he may both manifest his knowledge and wisdom, and also do honor to his wife. For why is he put in mind of her weakness, but to show he should bear with her?

As that phrase intimateth the duty, so also it intimateth a good reason to enforce it. For precious things, whereof we make high account, the weaker they be, the more tenderly, and charily are they handled, as Cheney dishes, and crystal glasses: and of all parts of the body, the eye is most tenderly handled. Now what things, what persons are more dear and precious then a wife? yet withal she is a weak vessel: therefore she is much to be borne withal.

For an husbands better direction herein, difference must be made betwixt infirmities: for some are natural imperfections, other are actual transgressions. Natural imperfections are inward, (as slowness in conceit, dullness in apprehension, shortness of memory, hastiness in passion, &c.) or outward, (as lameness, blindness, deafness, or any other defect, and deformity of body.) These infirmities should breed pity, compassion, commiseration, yea and greater tenderness and respect, but no offense. Note Abraham's example in this case: his wife was barren, yet he despised her not for it, nor upbraided her with any such thing.

Actual transgressions are breaches of God's law: whereof such are here meant, as are most directly tending to his own disquiet, and disadvantage, as shrewishnesse, waiwardnesse, niceness, stubbornness, &c. In the bearing of these must an husband especially show his wisdom, and that sundry ways.

1. By using the best and mildest means he can to redress them, as meek admonition, seasonable advice, gentle entreaty, and compassionate affection. Elkanah supposing that his wife offended in her passion, thus dealt with her and supported her.

2. By removing the stone whereat she stumbleth, by taking away the occasion (so far as conveniently he can) which maketh her offend. Thus Abram, and that by God's advice, put Hagar and her son out of the house, because they were an offense to Sarah.

3. By turning his eyes away (if the matter be not great, but such as may be tolerated) and taking no notice of the offense, but rather passing by it, as if he perceived it not. Solomon saith, that it is a man's glory to pass over a transgression: and he exhorteth a man not to give his heart to all the words that men speak.

4. By forgiving and forgetting it (if notice be taken thereof.) Jacob took notice of Rachel's rash, and froward demand, for he rebuked her for it: yet in that he readily yielded to that which afterwards she moved him unto, it appeareth that he forgave the offense, if not forgot it.

The best trial of a man's affection to his wife, and of his wisdom in ordering the same, is in this point of bearing with offenses. Not to be offended with a wife that giveth no offense is not praise-worthy: heathen men may go so far. Note what Christ saith of this case, If ye love them which love you, and do good to them that do good to you, what thanks and reward have ye? for publicans, and sinners do the same: but gently to forbear, and wisely to pass over offenses when they are given, not to be provoked when there is cause of provocation ministered, is a true Christian virtue, a virtue beseeming husbands better then any other kind of men.

§. 46. Of husbands testinesse.

Contrary is testinesse, and peevishness, when husbands are moved with the least provocation, like tinder catching fire at the least spark that falleth upon it: yea many are like gunpowder, which not only taketh fire, but also breaketh out into a violent flame, upon the least touch of fire: as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an house, so such husbands to be joined so nearly to wives as marriage joineth them. If it be said, that as gunpowder doth no hurt, if fire come not at it; so they are good and kind, if they be not provoked and displeased. I answer, that we have a proverb that saith, The devil is good while he is pleased, yet it is not safe to have the devil too near. It is as impossible (considering man's weakness) that he should live and converse with any, and not give offense, as for flint stones long to beat and dash against one another, & no spark of fire to come from them. How then may it be thought possible for a wife, who is so continually conversant with her husband, and the weaker vessel, to live without giving him offense? It is no very kind speech, which husbands use, especially if they be told of their unkindness, Let my wife deserve favor, and she shall have it. How little favor would such husbands have of Christ their husband, if he should be of that mind towards them?

Thus far hath been handled the first part of an husbands well managing his authority, by a tender respect of his wife.

The second is a provident care for her.

§. 46. Of an husbands provident care for his wife.

An husband that tenderly respecteth his wife, but providently careth not for her, showeth more affection then discretion: he may have a kind heart, but he wants a wise head. How then can he be a good head unto his wife? Some present contentment she may have by him: but small profit and benefit can she reap from him. Those duties therefore which have been delivered must be done, but these that follow must by no means be left undone.

An husbands provident care is noted in that office of Christ, wherein an husband resembleth him, namely, to be a Savior of the body, as hath been before declared. It consisteth

• 1. In providing things needful for his wife.
• 2. In protecting her from things hurtful.

1. A careful providing of things needful, is a principal part of that honor, which husbands are to give unto their wives. For where the Apostle saith, that Elders are worthy of double honor, he meaneth maintenance as well as reverence. The Apostle counteth him worse then an Infidel, that provideth not for his own, and specially for those of his own house. Who are of an husbands house, if not his wife? in his house, who more properly his own, then his wife? If then an husband provide not for his wife, what is he to be accounted?

Great reason he should provide for her, because he hath taken her from her parents and friends, and hath received that portion which they allotted her, and hath authority committed unto him over her, and she is put in subjection under him: her friends having given away her portion, and their power over her, and committed all to him, will take no further care for her: she being in subjection under him cannot without him provide for her self. Who then shall provide for her if he do not, whose wholly and only she is?

Contrary is their mind, who take a wife only for their own content, or delight, or gain, and never think of that charge which together with a wife they take upon them. According to their mind is their practice: for when they have a wife they neglect her in everything but what may stand with their own ends. Much have they to answer for: and so much the more, because a wife is an especial pledge of God's favor.

§. 47. Of an husbands providing means of spiritual edisication for his wife.

It ought to extend both to her self, and to others.

For her Soul, means of spiritual edification must be provided, and those both private and public. Private means, are holy and religious exercises in the house, as reading the word, prayer, catechizing, and such like; which being the spiritual food of the soul are to be every day, as our bodily food, provided and used. An husband as a master of a family must provide these for the good of his whole house; but as an husband, in special for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole house he is a King, a Priest, and a Prophet.

By himself therefore, for his wives good, ought he to perform these things, or to provide that they may be done by some other. C • raelius himself performed those exercises. Micah hired a Levite (though his Idolatry were evil, yet his care to have a Levite in his house was commendable.) The Shunemites husband provided a chamber for the Prophet, and that especially for his wives sake, for it was at her request.

Public means are the holy ordinances of God publicly performed by God's Minister. The care of an husband for his wife in this respect is, so to order his habitation, and provide other needful things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expressly noted of Elkanah that he so provided for his wives, that they went with him every year to the house of God: the like is intimated of Joseph the husband of the virgin Mary. In those days there was a public place and house of God, whither all God's people (how far soever they dwelt from it) were to resort every year: the places where Elkanah and Joseph dwelt, were far remote from the house of God, yet they so provided, as not only themselves, but their wives also went to the public worship of God. Now there are many houses of God, places for the public worship of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the ministry of the word (the most principal means of spiritual edification) is not everywhere to be enjoyed: therefore such ought an husbands care for his wife in this respect to be, as to dwell where she may have the benefit of preaching the word, or else so to provide for her, as she may weekly go where it may be had.

If men of wisdom and ability make a purchase, or build an house for their habitation, they will be sure it shall be where sweet rivers and waters are, and good pasture ground, and where all needful provision may be had. God's word preached is a spring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleasant, profitable pasture; all needful provision for the soul may there be had. Let this therefore be most of all inquired after: and no habitation settled but where this may be had.

§. 48. Of neglecting their wives edification.

Contrary is their practice, who having their calling in places where the word is plentiful, yet upon outward respects of pleasure, delight, ease, and profit, remove their families into remote places where preaching is scarce, if at all; and there leave their wives to govern the family, not regarding their want of the word, for as much as they themselves oft coming to London or other like places by reason of their calling, enjoy the word themselves. Many Citizens, Lawyers, and others are guilty of great neglect of their wives in this respect.

So also are they, who abandon all religious exercises out of their houses, making their houses rather stews of the devil, then Churches of God. If for want of means, either public or private, a wife live and die in ignorance, profaneness, infidelity, and impenitence, which cause eternal damnation, assuredly her blood shall be required at his hands: for an husband is God's watchman to his wife.

§. 49. Of an husbands providing things needful for his wives boay.

To the body also must an husbands provident care of his wife extend: and that both in health and sickness. In health by providing such things as are needful to preserve health, as competent food, raiment, and the like necessaries. Where the Prophet to aggravate the misery of the people saith, Seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel, only let us be called by thy name, intimateth, that it was an husbands duty to provide bread and apparel, that is, all necessaries for his wife. Which the law also implieth, where it enjoineth him that taketh one wife upon another, not to diminish the food and raiment of the former. In sickness such things are to be provided as are needful either to recover her health, or to comfort, cherish and refresh her in her sickness.

This was before noted among common mutual duties; for by virtue of the matrimonial bond it belongeth both to man and wife: but to the man it appertaineth by virtue of that power and charge which he hath over his wife: and therefore it was needful here to be touched.

§. 50. Of an husbands provident care for his wife about her child-bearing.

Most proper to this place is that provident care which husbands ought to have of their wives both before and in the time of their travel and child-bed: and that in two things especially.

1. In procuring for their wives to the uttermost of their power and ability, such things as may save their longing, in case they do long (as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing child, have been subject thereunto.) For it is well known, that it is very dangerous both for mother and child to want her longing: the death sometimes of the one, sometimes of the other, sometimes of both hath followed thereupon.

2. In providing such things as are needful for their travel and lying in childbed. This time is especially to be provided for, in many respects.

1. Because it is a time of weakness, wherein the woman cannot well provide for her self.

2. Because her weakness is joined with much pain: the pain of a women in travel is the greatest pain that ordinarily is endured by any for the time: none know it so well as they that feel it: and many husbands because they are not subject thereto, think but lightly of it: but if we duly weigh that the holy Ghost when he would set forth the extremity of any pains and pangs, resembleth them to the pains of a woman in travel, we may well gather, that of all they are the greatest: which is further manifested by the screekes and outcries which not only weak, and faint-hearted women utter in the time of their travel, but also are forced from the strongest, and stoutest women that be, and that though before hand they resolve to the contrary. Neither may we wonder thereat; for their body is as it were set on a rack (if at least the travel be sharp) and all their parts so stretched, as a wonder it is they should ever recover their health and strength again: or that they should hold out the brunt, and not die with their travel, as Rachel, and the wife of Phinchas, and many in all ages have done. Surely among ordinary deliverances I know none so near a miracle, none wherein the Almighty doth so evidently manifest his great power and good providence, as in the safe delivery of women. Besides the great pang of travel, women are also after their delivery subject to many after-throws which are very painful. From all these pains and great weakness which befalleth women in childbed, especially if they nurse their children, men by reason of their sex are freed: Now then to apply this point, seeing women are brought to such pains and weakness in bringing forth those children which are the man's as well as hers, and he freed from all; is it not very just and meet that he should provide all things needful for her welfare, ease, and recovery of strength?

3. Because the want of things needful is at that time very dangerous: dangerous to the health and life of the woman and child also.

§. 51. Of neglecting wives in their weakness.

Contrary to an husbands provident care in general are those vices which were taxed in the treatise of common duties, as grudging at the charges bestowed on a wife: Covetousness, Prodigality, and Idleness.

But contrary in particular to an husbands care for his wife in childbed, is the inhumane and more then barbarous unkindness of many husbands, who no whit consider the weakness of their wives in this case, to help, ease, and comfort them, but rather make their burden much more heavy. For,

1. Some through covetousness refuse before hand to afford means to their wife to provide such things as are needful for her self and child: & when the time cometh, if their wife be desirous of a Midwife that requireth somewhat more charges then she that is next, she shall have none if she will not have the next. And as for a nurse to tend her, they think their Maid will serve the turn well enough: they need not be at the charges to bring a Nurse into the house. In regard of convenient lodging some will not stick to say, Cannot my wife be brought to bed in a room without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary? Why should my wife need more things then she did? Yea further there be many that whē the time that their wife should be delivered approacheth near, carry her from all her friends into a place where she is not known, lest her friends should by importunity draw him to expend and lay out more upon his wife then he is willing. In the time while their wife is weak in childbed, many are loath to allow them any other diet then is for themselves and children provided in the house, not considering that her stomach cannot be like theirs.

Many other such bitter fruits of unkind husbands arising from covetousness might be reckoned up, whereby husbands plainly show that they love their wealth better then their wives: they had rather lose them, then part with that.

2. Others through jealous suspicion forbear not even in the time of their wives pain and weakness, to upbraid them with lightness, and to say that the child is none of theirs. To lay this to a wives charge unjustly, is at any time a most shameful and odious reproach: but in the time of childebirth whether just or unjust, a thing too too spiteful and revengeful. Some wives are so far overcome thereby, (especially in the time of their weakness) as they are not able to bear it, but even faint and die under the reproach: others more stout vow never to know their husbands again. Many like mischiefs follow on such unkindness.

§. 52. Of an husbands providing for his wife according to his estate and ability.

In an husbands providing for the body of his wife respect must be had to the measure, and to the manner.

The measure must extend to his ability: for an husband ought to maintain his wife in as good an estate and fashion as himself; by marriage she is advanced to as high an estate, and dignity in relation to others as he is: and for her own use she is made a partner of all his goods, and accordingly ought to partake thereof.

For the manner, he must suffer her (if at least he observe her to have any competent discretion) to order such things as are needful for her self according to her best liking: as Elkanah in another case said to his wife, Do what seemeth thee best.

Both in the measure and in the manner of providing, there must be a difference put betwixt a wife, and servants or children. These may have their portions of meat, apparel, and like necessaries, proportioned out and stinted unto them, which is unmeet to be done to a wife. Neither is it needful that so plentiful a provision be made for them as for her.

§. 53. Of an husbands nigardlynesse to his wife.

Contrary is an husbands nigardly dealing with his wife: when the allowance she hath is both far under his estate, and also so given her by little and little, as if she were a child. Many husbands make their wives drudge at home, fare hardly, and go meanly; who are themselves brave in apparel, frolic in their feasting abroad, and so exceed their wives as they are ashamed to be seen in company with them. They who marry their maids, or others of meaner rank then themselves, oft so deal with them: esteeming them but as servants and mean persons though they be their wives. But it hath been