JOCO-SERIO.
STRANGE NEWS,
OF A
DISCOURSE
BETWEEN
Two dead Giants, expressed in
an Epigram, to one Inquisitive for
News, and was composed by occasion
of a scurrilous Pamphlet,
ENTITULED,
A DIALOGUE
BETWEEN
COLBRANT
and
BRANDAMORE,
The two Giants in
Guild-hall London.
Which Pamphlet was not only intended to
abuse this Author, and some particular persons
by name, but the said City also, in the
late Election of their
Parliamentary
MEMBERS.
Thereto is added an Antidote against all Ill News
whatsoever, which proving effectual to many
lately reputed Fanatics, may possibly be
virtual to some other.
Jeers
will be self-condemned,
And sting less if
contemned.
G. W.
London,
Printed 1661.
JOCO-SERIO.
Strange News, of a Discourse
between two dead Giants, expressed
in an Epigram to one inquisitive for News,
and was composed by occasion of a scurrilous
Pamphlet, entitled,
A Dialogue between COLBRANT and
BRANDAMORE, the two Giants in
Guild-hall, LONDON, &c.
FRiend,
there is now, no
Good news
to be had,
And, I intend to publish none that's bad;
For, as
Affairs
yet stand, it may be treason
To speak the
Truth,
if spoken out of season;
And, though in season spoken, he that speaks it,
May suffer by his folly who mistakes it.
Yet (now I think upon it) a little scrap
I met withal this morning, by mere hap,
Which may be safely told: for nor to
State
Or
Church,
but to myself it doth relate;
And, it hath made me smile, with scorn, to see
What heed,
Great men,
begin to take of me.
The
Lord Mayor,
& some
Aldermen
have known me
Long time; yea, men of all degrees do own me
With good respect, for whose esteem I care;
And some, who of the best
Extraction
are.
But, that's no
News;
or, none, at least, compared
To that which now shall be to thee declared:
For, be it known, that, though obscurely born,
I am now honored with a
Public scorn
(Divulg'd in print) as if reputed one
Who hath deserved to be thought upon
Among those persons, who are in these times
Renowned for those
Virtues,
or those
Crimes
Which in this Age must punishment receive,
Or
honor;
and next
Age
their judgment have,
When they, who are no parties in the cause,
Shall judge men, both by God's &
Natures
Laws.
Mean while, their censures must be undergone
Who neither know me, nor what I have done:
For, they, who never heard of me; who never
Did see me, nor shall hear of me forever,
Take notice of me, to my wonderment,
And, not a little to my good content;
Since, peradventure, it may shortly bring
My person to be known unto the King,
Who, if he truly know me would conceive
That, usefully to serve him I might live,
Although traduced I am by some of them,
Who, in another mode, have served him.
If thou hast read in
Legends
heretofore
Of big-bon'd
COLBRANT
and great
BRANDAMORE
The
Giants
in
GVILD-HAL;
be pleased to know
That, in a
Dialogue
betwixt those two
My
name
is mentioned, with as much applause
As I could wish, from
Champions
of that
Cause
For which they stand; and to as good effect
As I can possibly from those expect,
Of whom I never yet much notice took,
And, to whom, in my life, I never spoke.
These two
Goliath's
(things, as big almost
As he, who once defied
Israel's
Host,
(And had his Cockscomb cracked by little
David,
Because himself so rudely he behaved)
These
Ascaparts
forsooth, I know not how,
Pretend to be of my acquaintance now;
And, this is such a
Novelty
to me
That I have sent the same, as
News
to thee.
For,
News
it is to me, and strange
News
too,
That
BUGGS
with whom I never had to do,
Should show themselves, in my
Affairs
as witty
As in the great
Concernments
of their
City,
Where they have had a place to them assigned
At
Public meetings,
now time out of mind.
It is News to me, that,
creatures
of their frame,
To any purpose, should repeat my
name,
Since, probably, they do not know their own,
But, are the greatest
Block-heads
in the Town,
Except it be those foolish
Pamphleters
That, use to write such
Dialogues
as theirs;
(Or, base
Invectives
tending to th' increase
Of
Discord,
by the breach of civil peace)
And, who, men's honest fames to overthrow,
Shoot poisoned Arrows from an unseen bow,
For, these are much more blockish; and this
Nation
Will never thrive, whilst these have toleration.
However, this perhaps forewarn me may,
That some as
mighty,
and as
wise
as they
Will mention me ere long, to worse effect,
And with a more malicious dis-respect,
Than these
Detractors
hitherto have done,
Though me, they seem not, yet to think upon.
But, be it, as it must be;
Scorns
and
Jeers,
Have hung so long, as Jewels at mine ears,
That, whether my
Reproach
be less or greater,
I shall myself esteem, nor worse, nor better
For what, by others, is
done, spoke,
or
thought,
Whilst I,
think, speak,
and
do
the things I ought.
He, that takes heed, what to himself relates,
Needs not care what the
world,
without him, prates
This, is my best
News,
at this present time;
That which it wants in
Reason,
take in
Rime.
A Postscript.
BUt, take this
Post script
too (which, whilsta taper
One lights to seal it) shall fill up this paper.
Know, this was not intended to
Retort
Or
Vindicate;
but, only, writ in sport.
He that asperseth me, himself doth hide
Like those Bandetti by the high-way side,
Who, cowardly do shoot unseen, and flay
Before they dare to seize upon their prey;
Yet, though I knew him, I have lately got
So tried a
Charm
against all
Paper-shot,
That, only, smiling on him with disdain
(To let him know he shoots at me in vain)
I scarcely should, by way of complement
Spare him so many words, as
Marshal
spent
On his
Traducer,
when, this
Verse
he flung him,
Nos, ab hac scabie, tenemus unguem.
Whose sense is (in the Language of this
Isle
)
To scratch this
SCAB,
my nail I will not defile.
Know also,
that the Cause I do not dread
Those fearful
Rumours
which are lately spread,
Is not, for that, I think, or do fore-see
Such things, are things impossible to be,
For, when I heed, that still the self-same path
Is trodden, which an evil tendance hath;
And, that, most men rush forward in that
Round
Wherein their
Predecessors
ruin found;
When I perceive the
Vices
heretofore,
Not only to be still the same, but more;
That, nor
GOD'S Judgments,
nor his
Mercies,
whether
Past, present, single,
or join'd both together
Regarded seem; nor wholesome counsels given
By men, or timely warnings daign'd from heaven,
But, that, still, wicked wishes, hellish prayers,
Revengeful Projects, Jealousies, Despairs,
And cursed speakings, daily aggravate
That
Animosity
and secret hate,
Which at the first begun our sad
Distractions;
And are fomented still in several
Factions,
Through that neglect of
Justice
and
Compassion
Which might effect true Reconciliation;
I fear, what may to other men befall,
But, fear not in my own respect, at all,
Because, that, whereto things now feared tend,
Have brought my hopes already to an end,
As they concern this
world;
except, refin'de
GOD shall restore them, when they are
calcin'd.
The
Rumors
which I hear, to me seem toys,
Like Squibs and Crackers which affrighten boys,
For, his
Protection
I am sheltered under
Who speaks in love, even when he speaks in thunder.
His
Judgments
are upon us, but the flame
Will burn them, who are kindling of the same;
For, by the paths which I see by them trod,
I find our
Foes,
are not the friends of GOD;
And, that when all our dross, away is fum'd,
They shall be purged too, or else consumed.
He that secures me, will secure all those
Who shall their confidence in him repose.
No cause have any men to fear
ill tidings,
Who underneath GOD'S
Umbrage
have abidings:
For, whatsoever succeeds, yea, come what will,
It comes to them for
Good,
and not for
Ill.
That will new-make them, which their foes destroys,
Disgrace shall honor them, grief bring them joys;
Even
Death
itself, shall be true
life's
possessing,
And every
Curse
be turned into a
Blessing.
Then, all we have to do, is, down to sit
Beneath this
shade;
all things to GOD commit.
Pray to him for our
selves,
our
friends
and
foes,
And praise him heartily for all he does.
If this be done, we shall be free from fears,
Although the world doth all it can, or dares.
FINIS.