Letter 1

ALthough my former freedom in writing might rather give me occasion to beg pardon for a fault committed, then to proceed in the same kind: Yet I know not how it cometh to pass, that instead of repenting and abstaining, I am drawn to re • terate and aggravate this fault, by a higher presumption. The cause of this irregular motion in my spirit I can attribute to nothing but to that which all sinners may pretend for their excuse; namely, a strong bent of desire, and an inclination moving me irresistibly to do what I am about to do: together, with a secret hope and promise to myself of forgiveness grounded upon your obliging disposition: Upon such motives as these we all sin against God. If then you will be so patient to bear with me, as he doth with sinners, till they may be reclaimed, and so bountifully kind as to imitate him, in using means to cure my distemper; I will be thankful, & truly acknowledging the merit of your virtue, be bound to serve you and honor your Sex. For I must confess that partly the silly weakness, and want of capacity, which doth appear in most of the Female kind; partly, the disproportion of spirit which I have found in myself frō the ways of their conversation, hath kept me at a distance, till of late one whom you know hath made me perceive, both by her self, and by the Characters of your excellent spirit, which I find in some of your Letters unto her, that God hath not deprived that part of mankind of eminent graces, with strength of parts and abilities to do him spiritual service, & to be more helpful in some things towards the advancement of the Kingdom of his Son then even Men themselves. Upon this discovery, I confess my inclination to converse did grow more free, and the prejudice, which made me shy, being taken away, my affection was enlarged to be willing to contribute unto that subject which I found most susceptible of the best Motions, most apprehensive of the chiefest Aimes and most generously active and resolute to set forward the fittest Means and Ways leading thereunto; that assistance and help, which my calling in the profession of the Gospel did oblige me to afford. And in continuance of this endeavor, some intimacie being grown betwixt us, and a settlement of that resolution (which I had long before vowed, maintained, and practiced, to live no more to myself, but unto the Communion of Saints,) Being then also begotten in her, I found that she was capable, not only of a Moral, but of a Spiritual friendship: And therefore upon her departure into Ireland, after that I had been in Holland, I proposed unto her the heads of a Covenant of spiritual friendship, to be maintained for the Aimes of public and mutual Edification, as well at a distance as when we should be near at hand. In this Bond, and in the faithful and single prosecution of the duties thereof we have continued till this day, upon several occasions confirming and rectifying our purposes therein by such Rules as the Word of God through the spirit of divine and common. Love have revealed unto us. Now the only thing, which I for my part have ever found a hindrance and distraction from the accomplishment of the duties whereunto we are bound, which doth ordinarily clog the prosecution, and frustrate the effecting of that for which God hath moved us to contract this friendship is merely the want of freedom to communicate upon all occasions our thoughts one to another, which is occasioned by the distance of our abode. This doth put both my spirit within me to a perpetual straitness, and the prosecution of my Work in public without me to a lingering slowness. For seeing I find it impossible at such a distance as we have lived, and still live in these busy times, to satisfy that tie which our friendship doth put upon my conscience, either for the public Edification of many, or for the private comforts of each other against the causes of common perplexities, whereunto all private conditions are involved. Seeing, I say, I find it impossible at such a distance to satisfy in such occurrences and for such ends my conscience chiefly in point of ready deliberation, or seasonable execution of that, whereunto the love of God's service, as well in public as in private doth bind me, and that only by reason of our distance; therefore I have oft desired, that a way may be found to remove it: But because I find other inconveniences in the removal thereof, which will ensue in respect of the world, which will blast the fruit of all our intentions, except some nearer relation prevent the same; and because I see no warrant to stint the increase of friendship and divine love from the nearest relations for human respects, nor is it conscionable, without God's own way, to confirm the application of ones self to one particular, more then to many, with a restraint of the Spirit, from intending others in the same degree, who may be, if not alike capable, yet no less inclinable to serve God in the same way; I say, Madam, for these and some other causes now to be omitted, I am necessitated to break through human respects, by casting myself upon God, who doth in the capacity of your Spirit open a door unto me to see a way through the obstacles, which otherwise might seem impassable. For I am confident, that your Ladyship is able to discern what hand God hath in this business of our continued acquaintance, and I make no doubt but you also see clearly, that I will be constrained in the end either to fail in friendship by not fulfilling a Covenant made in the fear of God, (which is a thing intolerable to my very thought to apprehend) or to neglect God's service in the Gospel of peace, and Communion of Saints, to which I am more bound then to the former, by how much this Aime is the more Universal then that, (which is as grievous and less supportable to my thoughts) except the public and private relations, under which we both stand, be brought to be one & the same in their due subordination, which cannot be done without the nearest conjunction of our persons in the freedom of all manner of commerce, for the performance of these duties and endeavors, upon which our intimacie is grounded; and without which it is not lawful, as being not subordinate unto the glory of God. I • t • en the causes of our distance do really disturb my peace, and make my straitened spirit lead a wearisome life; and if these obstacles of our lawful conjunction hinder us both from the work of God's glory in our callings, which might many ways more comfortably then now it is, be performed; and if your spiritual Sagacitie cannot but find this to be so: I may (I hope) without despair of Pardon presume to make this request, that you would be pleased to represent this case unto your Aunt, who is here, to desire her to remove the impediment of which I complain, by that approach which may be honorable before God and Man, and give me the full freedom of performing all duties which God doth require of those whom he maketh one body for his service. As for any doubts which she might have had concerning the state of Marriage, and the usefulness thereof to God's glory, I have by general discourses endeavored to take them away, and am confident, by the grace of God, that all scruples, that either she or any in her condition may have about that matter, will easily be resolved. Therefore I cannot but seek, that she may fulfill her part towards the full accomplishment of the effect of our Covenant, although I neither at first, nor a long time after, did conjecture any necessity of such a sequel as now I find enforced (by the circumstances into which God cast, me) upon my intentions. And this, Madam, I could never have uttered unto any of her friends, besides yourself, because I know that there is none to whom she hath so great confidence; and I believe, there is none able to judge better of the case then you are, as being fully persuaded of your Spiritual and Rationall parts; for which cause you may see, that I have put the trust of myself, & of the secrets of my heart, upon which the chief comforts which I expect in this temporal life depend, in your hand, to use them as your conscience to the love of God's glory shall direct you: For I protest truly in his presence, that it is no worldly desire, nor earthly intention, nor personal passion, (although I cannot wholly deny the affections of humanity) which doth sway or lead me to this motion, but merely the discharge of my duty, to advance the glory of God in my Calling, by the fittest means which his providence doth afford. On him therefore I rely for success, according to the sincerity which he seeth in me; wherein also I will take my leave, commending your spirit in this and all other things to his gracious direction, who am

THis last Post brought me a great confirmation of my resolution concerning Master N. which resolution I desire should be known there: the ground of it is in his Letter to your Ladyship, therefore I send it again; and the rather, because I cannot possibly lay down now the particular Reasons of this Union with him; which I thought to have done, for the satisfying such who are either capable of Grace, or Reason: As for yourself (with whom there is none ranked) I perceive your Ladyship takes up most of these things, which hath obliged me to yield to Master N. Proposition; and therefore I am not much solicitous for others, knowing you will (as occasion serves) inform all, as they are capable: which I must leave to you, beseeching the Lord of life to fill you more with the abundance of his Grace, that you may still be a help to God's people, and a comfort in God, to

YOur Gratulatorie affection is no less obliging then your intercession, and I hope the Lord will make me thankful for all the blessings which he hath bestowed upon me; amongst which, that which you mention, of such a Friend and Wife in one person is the greatest in temporal things: and as he hath by his Grace joined our hearts, not for worldly Ends, but for a Spiritual Aime of serving him; so I am confident, that he will direct us in that way which is most unblameable: and as we seek not the honor and appearances of this world, but are sincerely bent to seek the honor which is from God alone, without any show in the world, that we may be counted worthy to partake of the Cross of Christ, and to be mortified unto the world with him; so I believe steadfastly, that God will sanctify us, and make us Vessels of Honor for every good use in his Tabernacle, and quicken us by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the more we shall be liable to the censures of the world. Yet I think it very fit, that some Means should be used, such as your Ladyship doth mention, to stop the censoriousness of worldly-minded Friends, which will be intended with the first occasion by her, who will be more subject to be blamed by those that consider things after the flesh, then I will be either by them or others. But we shall jointly intend the clearing of our ways towards Men, as we have approved them hitherto before God; that perhaps the eyes of such as are dim may see somewhat clearer then yet they do the purposes of our life, which shall truly be dedicated in all faithfulness to your Ladyships comforts, by

YOur affectionate Congratulations to our Union, I make, no doubt, will be accompanied with your prayers to God for us, that we may be enabled to attain the End of our lawful Conjunction, and be strengthened in the dutiful performance of those Endeavors which have drawn us to this state, which by God's grace may be effectually useful to his Glory, and the Edification of others, which is all the ground of the Comfort which we seek in one another's Society. I am bound therefore to praise God for this inclination and frame of spirit, whereby he hath joined us first to himself, then one to another, and lastly, to all others who can understand what the End of every Christians life is, as well in this as in any other Relation: and I rejoice not a little, to see your Ladyships hearty Congratulations going along with us, upon this discovery and knowledge of our way in these proceedings. For although others, who are good in their own degree, reach not to the Aimes which have brought us to this state; yet in due time, by the ability which God hath endued your Ladyship withal, I hope, their apprehensions may be rectified, to look upon matters with another Eye then hitherto they have done: it is a blessing of God to be prayed for unto them, to discern the things most excellent; and when we discern them, to be resolute in following them is a duty which generous spirits will delight in. Would to God we all could understand the saying of Christ, as he meant it; That which is highly esteemed of Men, is abomination in the sight of God. And in another place he saith, How can ye believe, that receive honor one of another, and seek not the honor which is of God alone? We must speak of ourselves, and profess, that we count nothing estimable or honorable, but what is useful to his service, in the life of Christ; and nothing is useful that way, but that which crucifieth the world to us, and us to the world, in respect of the fashion of it, and outward surface of things, which is void of Realitie. All that imaginary Substance, and Accidental Frame of Corruptible Matters, which maketh a show in this present World, doth bring us under a Yoake of Bondage, and depriveth us of the glorious liberty of the Spirit of Adoption, in some degree or other, as we yield thereunto. Therefore, as our sense is, so we will in our practice really endeavor to bear witness to this Truth unto everyone; and I suppose, my Wife would rather her Friends should receive satisfaction, in reading her real performances of duties to God, then any Apologies or Verball Justifications. But I must needs break off, as being straitened in time; therefore I can scarce read over what is here written in haste: only I must say in truth, that I am