PPuritanSearch
Primary source research library
SearchGeorge WitherSource
English Puritan & Reformed

The Great Assizes

George Wither (1588-1667) · 7,983 words · 35 min

The source for this document is https://quod.lib.umich.edu/e/eebo2/A96750.0001.001

Project Note

This is licensed under Creative Commons CC BY-NC-ND. This license allows reusers to copy and distribute the material in any medium or format in unadapted form only, for noncommercial purposes only, and only so long as attribution is given to the creator.

The source of this document is the Early English Books Online (EEBO-TCP) website. Those books were transcribed in a character for character manner and can be very cumbersome to read since there was no standard spelling during that time. Many spelling variations such as "unlesse", "vnlesse", and "vnles" regularly appear.

This project was conceived to clean up those books as much as possible and make them more accessible to the interested reader, leading to the creation of a massive list of variant spellings and their corrections. This was used to clean up the text, but is of course only as complete as the list itself. Because of the nature of the original transcription, some words have missing characters or places where the original language (e.g., Greek) was not transcribed. This effort does not change that. Be aware that the original transcription can also be faulty and in some cases entire sentences may be missing.

Although this is no substitute for a properly compared, proofed, and scholarly edition, I believe that the result is a document which is far more accessible, particularly for searching for terms using standard spelling. The document has been cleaned and presented in what I hope is a pleasing and useful format for the vast majority of Christian brothers and sisters who just want access to read these spiritually nourishing works.

However, a word of warning: The Puritans were a very diverse group of people and their age was characterized with godliness, but also much upheaval, disputation and strife. They disagreed on many doctrines and some of these works contain less orthodox or Scriptural views than others. The reader is strongly advised to read with discernment, particularly if it is unknown whether author is trustworthy.

This project took a huge amount of time and skill to bring to fruition. I would particularly like to thank David Jonescue for the initial list of Puritans he found on EEBO and the concept behind this project as well as the continuous, unceasing efforts toward seeing this complete. Without his labor, this would not be available. Alex Sarrouf was invaluable in providing the initial list of over 7,000 spelling variations he had identified and corrected, as well as continuing to review more than 16,000 additions to that list for any typos.

Logan West
(with David Jonescue and Alex Sarrouf)
www.puritansearch.org

THE GREAT ASSISES Holden in PARNASSUS BY APOLLO AND HIS ASSESSOVRS: At which Sessions are Arraigned

  • Mercurius Britanicus.
  • Mercurius Aulicus.
  • Mercurius Civicus.
  • The Scout.
  • The writer of Diurnalls.
  • The Intelligencer.
  • The writer of Occurrences.
  • The writer of Passages.
  • The Post.
  • The Spye.
  • The writer of weekly Accounts.
  • The Scottish Dove, &c.

LONDON, Printed by Richard Cotes, for Edward Husbands, and are to be sold at his Shop in the Middle Temple, 1645.

APOLLO.

  • The Lord VERVLAN, Chancellor of Parnassus.
  • Sir PHILIP SIDNEY, High Constable of Par.
  • WILLIAM BVDEVS, High Treasurer.
  • JOHN PICVS, Earl of Mirandula, High Chamberlain.
  • JVLIVS CESAR SCALIGER
  • ERASMUS ROTERODAM.
  • JUSTUS LIPSIUS
  • JOHN BARCKLAY
  • JOHN BODINE
  • ADRIAN TVRNEBVS
  • ISAAC CASAVBON
  • JOHN SELDEN
  • HVGO GROTIVS
  • DANIEL HEINSIVS
  • CONRADVS VOSSIVS
  • AUGUSTINE MASCARDUS
    The Jurours.
  • George Wither
  • Thomas Cary
  • Thomas May
  • William Davenant
  • Joshua Sylvester
  • Georges Sandes
  • Michael Drayton
  • Francis Beaumont
  • John Fletcher
  • Thomas Haywood
  • William Shakespeere
  • Philip Massinger.
    The Malefactours.
  • Mercurius Britanicus
  • Mercurias Aulicus
  • Mercurius Civicus
  • The Scout
  • The writer of Diurnals
  • The Intelligencer
  • The writer of Occurrences
  • The writer of Passages
  • The Poste
  • The Spye
  • The writer of weekly Accounts
  • The Scottish Dove, &c.
  • JOSEPH SCALIGER, the Censour of manners in Parnassus.
  • BEN. JOHNSON, Keeper of the Trophonian Den.
  • JOHN TAYLOVR, Cryer of the Court.
  • EDMVND SPENCER, Clerk of the Assizes.

The PROEME.

IUst tears of commix'd with streams of guiltless blood
May show our woes, but not their period;
For this Heaven only can affix: Why then,
Trust we to arms or stratagems of men?
Expecting peace, or any fair accord,
From Counsels wise, or the victorious Sword;
Since Heaven alone these evils can conclude,
Which Sin first caused and on us did obtrude.
Could we eject this cause, we might find Peace:
For causes failing, then effects surcease.
We need demand no counsel from the Stars,
To know the issue of these bloody Wars:
No Sibylles books or Oracles we need,
To be informed of things that shall succeed:
No Oracle of Delphi, but of Zion,
No book, but that of God, must we rely on.
No Star, but Jacob's Star, can do the seat,
To end our woes, and make our joys complete.
Could I th' harmmious sorrows parallel
Of the incested mournful Philomel:
Or could I imitate that fatal note,
Which is effused from the silver throat
Of that fair Bird, y'cleapt Apollo's Priest,
Who clad in feather'd Albe, with his soft breast
Divides the surface of the crystall stream,
And dying sings his own sad requiem;
Then might I such sad Elegies devise,
As would become our mournful tragedies.
But give me leave a space for to dismiss
Melpomene, and bloody Nemesis,
And to elect a style which may appear
More mild to many, though to some severe.
LEarn'd Scaliger, the second of the twain,
Second to none in Arts, did late complain
To wise Apollo, of some strange abuses,
Committed against him and the Nine Muses
For Scaliger had been Grave Censour long,
In Learnings Commonwealth, and lived among
The people of Parnassus, in such fame,
That all the world took notice of his name:
Himself he humbly to his Lord addrest,
And in the these terms, his inward thoughts expressed.
( Dread Prince ) to whose benevolous aspect
We owe our Arts, and Hearts, with all respect
Which may be due unto a Sovereign Lord,
Who rules by Love, and Law, not by the Sword,
I, whom your Majesty daign'd to create
Censour of manners, in the Learned State,
Obliged by the duty of my place,
Humbly presume to importune your Grace,
Unto my votes to add your royal will,
For a redress of some abuses ill.
Needs must we those advantages confess,
Which we reap from the literary Press,
A privilege which our forefathers wanted,
Although to us Heaven it benignely granted:
This engine of the Muses doth disperse
Arts best achievements, both in Prose and Verse:
It vents with ease, labors of learned brains,
And doth the hand quit from a world of pains:
Those Wonders, of which elder ages boast,
Had almost all forgotten been, and lost,
If this Eighth Wonder had not been contrived,
Whereby the other seven have been revived.
Your Grace well knows (I need not to relate)
How Typographie doth concern your state,
Which some pernicious heads have so abused,
That many with it never had been used:
This instrument of Art, is now possessed
By some, who have in Art no interest
For it is now employ'd by Paper-wasters,
By mercenary souls, and Poëtasters,
Who weekly utter, slanders, libels, lies,
Under the name of specious novelties:
Thus Capaine Rashingham's undone, and lost,
For these his trade and custom have engrost:
And He, (for to maintain an honest port)
Is forced toaccept an office in your Court;
He in your Graces kitchen plucks the Widgeons,
Geese, Dotterells, and Ducks, and all tame Pigeons,
And for his labor he their plums retains,
Wages, that suit his person, and his pains;
But let not your High Majesty mistake,
And think that my complaint is for his sake:
If this abuse touched only such as he,
It were no grievance, but a remedy:
For Truth, and Moral Virtues injured are;
The Muses, and the Graces bear a share,
In these notorious wrongs, with all that love
Parnassus, or the Heliconian Grove:
Therefore ( Great Prince ) vouchsafe for to apply
Your Sovereign power, and authority,
To vindicate your subjects, and to curb
These Varlets, that your government disturb.
Thus spake the Censour, then Apollo shook
His harnish'd locks, and with a frowning look,
Declar'd his discontent; but having paus'd,
He thus replied: Grave Censour I am amazed,
To hear the impudent affronts of these
That thus contemn our Laws, and our decrees,
But (by this golden Scepter) they shall try
What 'tis to trespass on our lenity:
If our remissness hath made them transgress,
They shall perceive that we can make it less,
In their sharp punishment. Thus Phoebus ends,
And then He for Torquato Tasso sends;
Under whose charge some Companies were listed
Of that stout Gend'army, which consisted
Of Heroic Poets, whose high valor was,
No mean defense, but a magnifick grace
Unto the Sacred Hill: this Regiment,
On summons short, was ever ready bent
To execute Apollo's just commands,
With hearts courageous, and with armed hands.
Stout Tasso did in sturdy buffe appear,
And after reverence done, desired to hear
His Graces pleasure; who soon gave him orders,
With all his Cavalry, to scour the borders
Of high Parnassus, and low Helicon,
And to bring in alive, or dead, each one
That had discovered been, or to defile
The Press with Pamphlets scarrilous, and vile,
Or to have traduced with malignant spirits,
Persons of honorable worth, and merits.
Tasso departs with these instructions,
And mustered up his witty Myrmidons:
The trumpet to the stirrup gives a call:
They bustle to their arms, and mounted all,
Haste to their Rendezvous without delay,
And put in rank, and file, they march away:
For Tasso no advantage did decline,
To prosecute the better his design;
He into squadrons three his Troops dissects,
And unto several quarters them directs,
That traversing the country round about,
They might the sooner find these foxes out;
In each suspicious angle Tasso seeks,
And in this inquisition spent some weeks:
Nor did his other parties with neglect
Performe what they enjoin'd were to effect;
The limits of Parnassus they surround,
And Helicon, with verdant Laurells crowned:
Mount Pindus, and those valleys ever green
Where pale Pyrene, and pure Hippecrene
In liquid crystall rise, they searched throughout;
Nor was the Vale of Tempe left unsought:
Nor did their labors miss success desired:
For they, before a month was full expired,
Had cleared the coasts, and many pris'ners gained;
Which malefactors they in chains detained,
And them conveyed unto Apolloes Court,
Who welcomed Tasso in most gracious sort:
And for his faithful service, him he made
Lieutenant General of that proud Brigade
Of the Italian Poets: This reward
Made elder Dame, and Petrarch to regard
His dignity with ill affected eyes:
And Ariosto discontent likewise:
But Phoebus did brave Tasso's merit weigh
By reason, but in scales of passion they;
And when he did perceive that they did fret,
To see themselves behind their Junior set,
He them assured they must expect toinherit
Parnassus honors not by time, but merit.
But when Apollo with his radiant look
The Prisners had into amazement struck,
He caused those guilty souls to be conveyed
To the Trophonian den, there to be laid
In Irons cold, until they should be brought
To trial for those mischiefs they had wrought.
Apollo then a solemn summons sent
To all those honor'd Peers that did frequent
The Learned Hill, and strictly them enjoin'd,
Him to attend, upon a day assigned:
For in a full Assise he did intend
The crimes of these delinquents to perpend:
His loyal Nobles failed not, to resort
(Without delay) unto their Sovereigns Court,
And on the day, which was for judgment set,
They all in the Praetorian hall were met:
Where Phoebus, on his high tribunal sat,
With his Assessours, in triumphant state;
Sage Verulam sublim'd for science great,
As Chancellor, next him had the first seat:
And next to him, Budeus did appear,
He of Parnassus was High Treasurer:
Sidney took place upon the other side,
Who th' office of High Constable supplied:
But Picus of Mirandula, (who was
High Chamberlain ) assumed the fourth place;
The elder Scaliger his place then took
Before Erasmus, who showed in his look
Distaste, for he (like Pompey ) took displeasure
To see himself put downer by Julius Caesar.
In cuerpo then did Justus Lipsius sit,
Who more devotion had expressed then wit,
When to an Image he bequeathed his gown;
But had he not been for a Turnecoate known,
His offered garment might have found esteem,
Which fitter for a Frippery did seem,
Then for her use, to whom it was presented.
Next him sat Barclay, somewhat discontented,
'Cause he had failed in finding that respect,
Which he from Rome's Archflamen did expect.
Bodine, Turnebus, Casaubon, and Grotius,
Mascardus, Heinsius, Selden, Vossius,
Approved Critics all, did there appear
On the judicial Bench with looks severe.
But when old Camden thought to take his place,
Apollo him repuls'd with some disgrace:
For he of late received had a complaint
From hands of credit, which did him attaint
Of misdemeanors, acted in a story,
That did detract from a Great Ladies glory,
Wherein he was accused to have revealed
Somethings, which better might have been concealed
Had they been truths: What madness him misled,
T asperse the ashes of that Phoenix dead,
With notes of infamy, whose fun'rall flame
Ravish'd the world with th'odour of her fame?
Doubtless the living he to flatter knew,
Much better then to give the dead her due.
(The Court set) the sturdy Keeper then
Of the unhospitall Trophonian Den,
His trembling Pris'ners brought unto the bar;
For stern aspect, with Mars he might compare,
But by his belly, and his double chin,
He looked like the old Hoste of a New Inn.
Thus when sour Ben his fettered cattle had
Shut up together in the pinfold sad:
John Taylor, then the Courts shrill Chanticleere,
Did summon all the Jurours to appear:
He had the Criers place: an office fit,
For him that hath a better voice, then wit.
He, who was called first in all the List,
George Withers hight, entitled Satirist;
The Cary, May, and Davenant were called forth;
Renowned Poets all, and men of worth,
If wit may pass for worth. Then Sylvester,
Sands, Drayton, Beaumont, Fletcher, Massinger,
Shakespeare, and Heywood, Poets good and free;
Dramatick writers all, but the first three:
These were empanell'd all, and being sworn
A just and perfect verdict to return,
A Malefactour then received command,
Before the Barre to elevate his hand;
Mercurius Britanicus by name,
Was he, who first was called to play his game:
Then Edmund Spenser Clarke of the Assise,
Read the Endictment loud, which did comprise
Matters of scandal, and contempt extreme,
Done 'gainst the Dignity, and Diademe
Of great Apollo, and that legal course,
Which throughout all parnassus was in force.
For use of Mercury he was accused,
Which weekly he into his ink infused,
Thereby to murder, and destroy the fame
Of many, with strange obloquy, and shame.
He likewise was accused, to have purloin'd
Some drachmes of wit, with a felonious mind,
From Helicon, which he in Satyrs mixed,
To make some laugh, and others deeply vext.
Unto his charge they likewise did object,
That when he saw his lines could not effect
His ends, and aims, which were his foe to kill,
Or else to make him torow away his quill;
That then he sought by magic Arts to call
Archilochus his ghost from Pluto's hall,
To teach him how such language to indite,
As might make some even hang themselves for spite.
This was his charge in brief; (which being read)
To his indictment he was called to plead:
Not guilty, he replies, and did submit
Himself to the integrity and wit
Of twelve sufficient Poets, but entreated,
To hear the Jurours names again repeated:
(Which done) he on exceptions did insist,
Asserted against divers of the list.
On confident George Withers first he fixed,
As one unfit with others to be mixed
In his arraignment, for he did protest,
That Withers was a cruel Satirist;
And guilty of the same offense and crime,
Whereof he was accused at this time:
Therefore for him he thought it fitter far,
To stand as a Delinquent at the bar,
Then to be now empanell'd in a Jury.
George Withers then, with a Poetic fury,
Began to bluster, but Apollo's frown
Mde him forbear, and lay his choler down.
But Phoebus, thus Britanicus corrects,
Our Majesty (said he) which still protects
The innocent, but doth offend ours scourge,
Ingag'd is honest Withers for to purge
From this offense: for his impartial pen
Did rather gross abuses tax, then men:
Or that he did transgress, let us admit;
Since long ago, he smarted for his wit.
Nor was Britanicus with this abash'd,
For with his cavils he sought to have dashed
Two other able Jurours, and these were
Deserving Sands and gentle Sylvester:
To these opprobious language he affords,
And them Translators called, and men of words,
No Poets, but mere Rhymers, for (said he)
Invention is the soul of poefie,
And who can say, that such a soul as this,
Is to be found in their abilities?
For these are bondmen to another's style,
And when they have bestowed much time, and toile,
They do but what, before, was better done;
For Poemes lose by their translation,
And are deprived of that Iustre brave,
Which their originals are wont to have:
Yea all the works of these Translators vain,
Are rather labors of the hand, then brain:
Their asinine endeavors have effected,
That nobler tongues and arts are now neglected;
While they in vulgar language represent
Those notions which from vulgar wits dissent:
This knot of Knaves the Common-wealth afflicts
Of your Parnassus with their juggling tricks;
For Rubies which in gold at first were set,
They into copper put, whereby they cheat
The simpler sort, that want a piercing eye,
The difference of metals to descry.
Thus spake Britanicus: while many smiled;
But Sands look's pale, and Sylvester wax'd wild
For anger and disdain; Apollo then
Thus interposed, to vindicate these men,
Britanicus (said he) we have too long
The language heard of thy traducing tongue,
But Syluessers, and Sands his worth is such,
That thy reproach cannot their honor touch:
Since Kings for Majesty, and arts renowned,
Have with receptions kind, their labors crowned.
Besides, we are inclined by some respects,
Challeng'd from us, by the infirmer sex,
These writers of Parnassus to support,
To please the fancy of that female sort,
Whom want of these translations might spurr on,
For to acquire, and get more tongues then one:
Which if they should accomplish, men might rue
Those mischiefs which would thereupon ensue.
But if nor Sands, nor Sylvester can merit,
The titles of true Poets to inherit,
For what they have performed, yet we rely
So much upon their truth, and loyalty,
That we cause them to pass upon thy trial,
If spite of thy exception or denial.
Thus spake Apollo: then the Pris'ner was
Injoyn'd to stand aside, and in his place
Did Aulicus succeed, who by command,
In humble sort uprear'd his guilty hand:
Full sadly his indictment he attends,
Which him impeach'd, that he for wicked ends
Had the Cast alian Spring defiled with gall;
And changed by witchcraft, most Satirical,
The bayes of Helicon, and myrtles mild,
To pricking hauthornes, and to hollyes wild.
He was accused, that he with slanders false,
With forged fictions, calumnies and tales,
Had sought the Spartane Ephori to shame,
And added fuel to the direful flame
Of civil discord, and domestic blows,
By the incentives of malicious prose.
For whereas, he should have composed his ink
Of liquors, that make flames expire, and shrink
Into their cinders, it was there objected,
That he had his of burning oil confected,
Of Naphtha, Gunpowder, Pitch, and Saltpeter,
Which those combustions raised, and made greater.
He was accused to have unjustly stung
The sage Amphictyons with his venom'd tongue;
And that he like the fierce Albanian cur,
Did stubbornly choose rather to demure,
And be dismembered by another's wit,
Then loose his teeth from those, whom first he bit.
He was accused, that he had used his skill,
Parnassus with strange here fies to fill,
And that he labor'd had for to bring in,
Th' exploded doctrines of the Florentine,
And taught that to dissemble and to lie,
Were vital parts of human policy:
Of his indictment this was the full sense:
To which the Pris'ner pleads his innocence,
And puts himself upon a legal trial,
But he withal exhibites a denial
Against a Jurour, for his suit it was,
That May on his arraignment might not pass:
For though a Poet he must him confess,
Because his writings did attest no less;
Yet he desired he might be set aside,
Because he durst not in his truth confide:
Of May among twelve months he well approved,
But May among Twelve men he never loved:
For he believed that out of private spite
He would his conscience strain, toundoe him quite.
He likewise of offenses him accused,
Whereby his King Apollo was abused:
And with malicious arguments attempts
To prove him guilty of sublime contempts,
But chiefly he endeavor'd to conclude,
That he was guilty of ingratitude:
Which crime Parnassus Laws do so oppose,
As in that State, it for high Treason goes.
Then May stepped forth, and first implor'd the grace
And leave of Phoebus to maintain his case:
Then to the Learned Cunsistory sues,
That they would him or censure, or excuse:
Then calls the God's, and all whom they protect,
The Stars, and all on whom they do reflect,
The Elements, and what's composed of these,
Him to acquit from all disloyalties.
If by just proofs (said he) thou canst evince,
That I have been ungrateful to my Prince,
Then let me from these groves be now exiled
To Scythian snowes, or into deserts wild;
Yea, I invoke the God's that I may feel
The Giants valor, or Ixions wheel,
If it be found I have transgressed thus,
As 'tis informed by lying Aulicus.
Apollo then darts forth an awful ray
From his impiercing eye, which silenced May.
So Kings (if they be just) may rule like God's,
And be observed by their looks, and nods.
He Aulicus rebuked, because he knew
His accusation from mere malice grew:
And him advised in peace to stand a side,
If he desired with favor to be tried.
The Cryer then did summon to the Bar,
The Penman of the Weekely Calendar,
Entituled the new Ephemerides,
Perfect Diurnalls call them, if you please;
But their perfection cannot me invite,
To think they merit such an Epethite,
Except truths now for imperfections pass,
And gold in estination yields to brass.
Of his indictment the whole sum was this,
That he had wronged th' Athenian Novelists,
By selling them mere air, instead of Sack,
And puffs of wind, for strong Frontigniac:
For empty bottles he was wont to mixe
Among full flasques, and with these cheating tricks
Deceiv'd those Merchants, who were not so wise
To know the full from empty by the poise.
A fourth Deliquent then was called out,
A Second Proteus or the learned Scout:
This wise Chamaeleon was wont to wear
That hue, which was propounded by his fear:
The sum of his indictment this contained;
That whereas he had from Apollo gained
A Patent to report true news abroad,
Without dissimulation, guile, or fraud,
Yet he adulterated had his ware
With manifold impertinences rare,
Yea from his center swarv'd, and gone astray
Into some matters far beyond his way:
And that he with eight Pages undiscreet,
Had tossed and tax'd high actions in a sheet:
That he prognostics had presumed to rear,
On stars above his quadrant, and his sphere:
And that he had prefum'd likewise to mixe
With his Avisoes sweet, four politics,
Dispersing weekly maxims of State,
As if he chiefly at the helm had state:
And that he had oft in ambiguous fashions,
Appear'd as one transformed in his relations,
That it was very difficult to find,
Whether he were a bird, or beast by kind:
He was accused, that he with censures bold,
The actions of his betters had controlled,
And that he with his mercenary hand,
Had touched affairs of weight not to be scann'd
By such as he: thus was the Scout indicted,
But when he was unto his answer cited,
He pleads himself to be an Innocent,
And humbly craved the Bench for to consent
To his impunity, and to dispence
With errors, that arise from indigence:
He further added; since his fate it was
To be refer'd for trial of his case
Unto twelve mouths; he craved they would admit
Twelve noses too; him to condemn, or quit,
That no defect might be of any sense,
To smell, or to find out his innocence.
Apollo then retorts an ireful glance,
And dashed the Pris'ner out of countenance:
He told him now 't was time to lay aside
Impertinent discourse, he should be tried
By twelve, who were sufficient Men, and fit
Both for integrity, and pregnant wit:
And as for him, whose Vote he did reject,
Upon a cavil against some defect:
He him assured that all the world might know,
His art was high, although his nose was low:
But Madagascar chiefly did express
His raptures brave, and laur'ate worthiness.
The Scout commanded was then to stand by:
And Civicus held up his hand on high:
Good civil Civicus, who to his book
Emblemes affixed, of what he undertook;
For silly rimes appeared in the first place,
To which was added some Commanders face,
That in resemblance, did no more comply,
With him, whom it was said to signify,
Then do some stories which his books contain,
Resemble truths: But his offenses vain,
In his indictment were declared at large,
And this was the full purport of his charge;
He was accused that he through science bad,
Or Magic, or Magnetick figures, had
Prefixed to his books; which did enchant
The fancies of the weak, and ignorant,
And caused them to bestow more time, and coin,
On such fond Pamphlets, then on books divine:
It was affirmed, that he was wont to scatter,
Upon his single sheet, more words, then matter,
And that he had with transmarine narrations,
Recruted his domestical relations,
And from the Danes and Swedes fetched cold discourse
To cloy the stomachs of his Auditors;
And with such stuff his latter pages patch'd,
That they Brittannicus his doctrines matched,
Who doubts, and satisfactions wont toinvent,
That gave nor satisfaction nor content.
While Civicus did thus his trial hear;
One comes, and whispers, Phoebus in the ear,
And him advertis'd, that a secret friend
Of Civicus, did to his Highness send,
A present of some Sack, and sugar loaves,
And that there with, the Giver humbly moves,
That the poor Pris'ner might receive such grace,
As might be justly found in such a case.
Apollo then, in choler and disdain,
Did thus break out in terms. What madness vain
Or impudence (said He) in human race
Remains? That they should think with bribes toefface
Our resolutions just, and us divert
From judgment by the law, and by desert;
Then he the Gaoler called for ( Honest Ben )
The Keeper fat, of the Trophonian Den:
Him he commands to seize upon (in hast)
The bringer of the bribe, and keep him fast;
And since the Tubbe of which he told the tale,
By splitting, had deceived him of his ale;
And since his New-Inn too had got a crack,
He bids him take the Sugar loves, and Sack,
To make his loved Magnatick Lady glad,
That still (for want of an applause) was fad.
Then Civicus unto his charge did plead
Not guilty, and was bidden to recede.
Then with a look like to his style submiss,
Stood forth. the Writes of Occurrences:
He was accused to have injured Fame,
And to have disguised falsehood by the name
Of Truth, and with a goodly Frontispeice,
To have procured his books esteem, and price:
Which were compared unto a painted Inn,
That had nor good wine, nor good cheare within.
He was accused, that like a subtle thief,
He had his readers robbed of their belief,
And of their wit, and judgment them bereaved,
That willingly, were with his lies deceived:
But if some truths (by chance) he uttered had,
These were in such a tedious language clad,
That many actors of renowned jests,
Depriv'd were of their honored interests,
By his inglorious pen, and also those
Who did affect true elegance in prose,
Did from his rustic phrase conceive more hate,
Then pleasure from those things he did relate.
It likewise was delivered in his charge,
That he had tortured, with his letters large,
Ingenious ears, which to plebeian hands
He captives made, in auscultations bands.
And that men's names, on credit he up took,
All which he listed to fill up his book,
And for to make a greater noise, he sums
Both Trumpets, Seargeants, Corporalls, & drums,
Among the numbers of the slain, or taken,
Whereby he did great Officers awaken,
That slepit in honors bed, who did complain,
To see themselves mixed with that vulgar train
The Pris'ners plea to this indictment was
Flat negative, for in the plainest case,
Al malefactors hate confession free,
Confess and hang is still their maxim.
The Pris'ner also craved, he might be heard,
While he against a jury-man prefer'd
A just exception, his request was granted,
And fraught with malice, though much wit he wanted,
He gentle Mr. Cary did refuse,
Who pleased fair Ladies with his courtly muse:
He said, that he by his luxurious pen,
Deserv'd had better the Trophonian Den,
Then many now which stood to be arraigned,
For he the Thespian Fountain had distain'd,
With soul conceits, and made their waters bright,
Impure, like those of the Hermophrodue,
He said, that he in verse, more loose had been,
Then old Chaerephanes, or Aretine,
In obscaene portraitures: and that this fellow
In Helicon had reard the first Burdello,
That he had changed the chaste Castalian spring,
Into a Carian Well, whose waters bring
Effeminate desites, and thoughts unclean,
To minds that erst were pure, and most serene,
Thus spake the pris'ner, when a furious glance,
Was darted from Apollos countenance,
Which struck him dumb: then Scaliger the wise
Was called, to whom Apollo thus aplies
His Speech. Grave Censour of our learned Hill
Whom your own merit, and our royal will
Hath supervisour made of Arts, and Muses,
I wonder at the noise of these abuses,
For I conceive not yet, that these effects,
Should be th'unhappy fruits of your neglects,
So well you'ave purged the errors of the Times,
That I think not you could permit such crimes,
Our manners to corrupt, since that our springs
Ought to be kept as pure as beds of Kings:
For he that vice, with science doth commixe,
Turnes noble Hippocren' to ugly Styx,
In marriage bonds hath Heaven and Hell combine
Yet Art may Heaven and earth together join:
Thus spake Apollo, then learned Scaliger
Shap'd the reply: I have (my Sovereign dear)
With care intended what concerns my place,
So to conserve your springs from mixtures base,
Yet all my care, and labor is but vain,
Except Jove will consent toundoe again
His work of Human nature, and the same
Of such pure stuff, and perfect temper frame,
As it of no corruption may admit:
For I have tried my industry and wit,
Both Arts, and Authors to refine, and mend,
As well as times, yet can I not defend,
But some luxuriant wit, will often vent
Lascivious Poëms, against my consent:
Of which offense, if Cary guilty be,
Yet may some chaster Songs him render free
From censure sharp, and expiate those crimes
Which are not fully his, but rather Times:
But let your Grace vouchsafe, that he may try
How he can make his own Apology:
Apollo then gave Cary leave to speak,
Who thus in modest sort, did silence break.
In wisdoms nonage, and unriper years,
Some lines slipped from my pen, which since with tears
I labor'd to expunge: This Song of mine
Was not infused by the Virgins nine,
Nor through my dreams divine upon this Hill,
Did this vain Rapture issue from my quill,
No Thespian waters, but a Paphian fire,
Did me with this foul ecstacy inspire:
I oft have wished, that I (like Saturn ) might
This Infant of my folly smother quite,
Or that I could retract, what I had done,
Into the bosom of Oblivion.
Thus Cary did conclude: for pressed by grief,
He was compel'd to be concise, and brief:
Phoebus at his contrition did relent,
And Edicts so on through all Parnassus sent,
That none should dare to attribute the shame
Of that fond rapture, unto Caryes name,
But Order'd that the infamy should light
On those, who did the same read, or recite.
He further-more the Pris'ner did enjoin,
Against him all exceptions to decline,
And to a legal trial for to stand,
If He expected favor at his hand.
The innocent Scotch Dove did then advance,
Full sober in his wit, and countenance,
And though his books contained not mickle sense,
Yet his indictment showed no great offense;
Great Wits, to perils great themselves expose
Oft' times; but the Scotch Dove was none of those:
In many words he little matter dressed,
And did Laconick brevity detest,
Perspicuous phrase he loved, could not endure
To be in style, or in his life obscure,
But while his Readers did expect some news,
They found a Sermon, thus did he abuse
Good people, that he rather might have took
A Lapwing, then a Dove to trim a book:
This was his charge: and being called to plead,
He cries not guilty, and petitioned
He might be heard to vindicate his worth
From scandal, and reproach, on him cast forth
By Aulicus, that scoffing Hipponax,
Who with lewd crimes, did him unjustly tax;
His suit was granted, then did he complain
That Aulicus, his title did disdain,
And spitefully instead of Scottish Pigeon,
Had him the nick-name given of Scottish Wigion,
And that he had most falsely him accused,
Prestigious Arts, and Magic to have used,
Whereby Men's senses were with errors struck,
That firebrands, they for olive branches took.
Thus spake the Dove: Apollo then replied,
We might condemn your arrogance, and pride,
Cause you the name of venus birds have chose,
When Scotland hath (you know) no birds like those,
Though it abounds with fowl of various kinds;
But errors small provoke not heavenly minds,
I doubt not, but that Aulicus his tongue
Hath injured you, but were this all the wrong
Which it hath done, He might our censure scape,
And pass, not for a Serpent, but an Ape.
thus Phoebus spake; And then the Scoitish Dove
Rejoyn'd, as zeal and choler did him move;
I challenge to the duel of the pen
False Aulicus, that Cynic among men,
That enemy of Truth, true honors scourge,
That Officine of lies, and slanders forge,
Oh let your Grace vouchsafe to turn me loose,
A Scottish Dove, against the Romish Goose.
Apollo then reflects a frowning eye,
Commands him to desist, and to stand by.
The Cryer then did the swift Post command,
At his indictment to hold up his hand:
He was accused of these enormities,
First that with Encheridions of lies,
He had disturbed the learned Common-weal,
And also in felonious sort did steal
From Euphues, and Arcadia, language gay
Therein his vain relations to array,
Because he knew that lies in fine attires,
Preferr'd are before truths, by many buyers:
Such was his style, such tales did he endite,
That he no news, but Romants seemed to write;
It also strongly was against him urged,
That he some Packets had contrived, and forged,
Which letters did of false reports contain,
And this was merely done for thirst of gain:
This was his charge; and because he divin'd
That free confession might some favor find,
He guilty pleads, and then was set aside.
Another then was called forth to be tried:
And this was he, who weekly did dispence
A miscellany of intelligence:
Of his indictment, the effect was this,
That he had with his weekly repsodyes,
The Asses of Parnassus sore anno'd,
Whom he had fed with many rumors void,
And vapors vain. Thus like Chamelions they
Took smoke instead of provender and hay,
And thereby grew in sense so lean, and lame:
That quite unfit for service they became;
It was alleadg'd, that he for lucres sake,
Did false intelligence devise, and make,
And cared not who he gul'd, or did beguile,
Soe he might reap thereby some profit vile.
These were the crimes, whereof he was accused
To which he pleads not guilty, but refused
By Histriomicke Poëts to be tried,
'Gainst whom, he thus maliciously inveigh'd
Justice (said he) and no sinister fury,
Diswades me from a trial by a jury,
That of worse misdemeanors guilty be,
Then those which are objected against me:
These mercenary pen-men of the Stage,
That foster the grand vises of this age,
Should in this Common-wealth no office bear,
But rather stand with us Delinquents here:
Shakespear's a Mimicke, Massinger a Sot,
Heywood for Aganippe takes a plot:
Beamount and Fletcher make one poët, they
Single, dare not adventure on a Play.
These things are all but th'error of the Muses,
Abortive wits, foul fountains of abuses:
Reptiles, which are equivocally bred,
Under some hedge, not in that geniall bed
Where lovely art with a brave wit conjoin'd,
Engenders Poets of the noblest kind.
Plato refused such creatures to admit
Into his Common-wealth, and is it fit
Parnassus should the exiles entertain
Of Plato? therefore (my dread Sovereign)
I crave your Pardon, while I thus presume
To supplicate your Highness, to resume
Your wonted Justice, that this sacred Hill,
No more may suffer by such members ill;
Thus spake the Pris'ner: then among the crowd,
Plautus, and Terence 'gan to mutter loud,
And old Menander was but ill apayd,
While Aristophanes his wrath bewray'd,
With words approbr'ous; for it galled him shrewdly,
To see dramatick Poets tax'd so lewdly:
And while' mongst these, the murmur did increase,
The Cryer warned them all to hold their peace.
The Court was silent, the Apollo spake:
If thou (said He) chiefly for virtues sake,
Or true affection to the Common-weal,
Didst our Dramatick Poëts thus appeal,
We should to thy exception give consent,
But since we are assured, 'tis thy intent,
By this refusal, only to defer
That censure, which our justice must confer
Upon thy merits; we must needs decline
From approbation of these pleas of thine,
And are resolved that at this time, and place,
They shall as Jurours, on thy trial pass,
But if our Censour, shall hereafter find,
They have deserved ill, we have designed
That they likewise shall be to judgment brought,
To suffer for those crimes, which they have wrought,
Thus spake the Sovereign of the two topp'd Mount,
Another then was called to an account,
And this was he, who weekly did pretend,
Accounts of certain news abroad to send.
He was accused, that he with Pamphlets vain,
The art of lying had sought to maintain,
Which trade, he and his fellow used of late,
With such success, and profit in the State
Of high Parnassas, that they did conspite,
A Patent from Apollo to acquire:
That they might thus incorporated be,
Into a Company of Liars free.
This was his charge: while he no whit relents,
But stood to justify his innocence.
The Pen man of the Perfect Passages
Then to his trial did himself address,
He was accused, that he for love of gain,
Had injured Truth, with many stories vain,
And that He with his mercenary quill,
Dishonor'd had Apollo's Noble Hill.
That He, and his associates had attempted
In a felonious manner, to have empty'd
The Fountaines of the Muses, to fulfill
That appetite which rose from Livers ill.
To this indictment he gave a denial,
And yields himself submissively to his trial.
The subtle Spye then to the bar drew nere,
And with dejected looks, his hand did rear:
But he in his indictment was accused,
Old Galilaeos glasses to have used,
Which represented objects to his eye,
Beyond their measure, and just symmetrie,
Whereby the faults of many did appear,
More and far greater, then indeed they were:
And that he at a distance did recount,
(Like Lynceus from the Lilybean mount)
Numbers of shipps and men, though he indeed
So blind was, that he did a leader need.
He was accused that (like Aglaures ) he
Forbidden objects had presumed to see,
And therefore merited in law, and sense,
His ears to forfeit, for his eyes offense.
Thus his Indictment rann: It he denies,
And for a trial, on twelve men relies;
But this despiteful Spye a cavil raised
'Gainst Michael Drayton, whom he much disprais'd
For that great Poly-Olbion which he writ,
This he termed a rude Embrion of wit,
Apeice of low esteem, together laid
Without propicious Pallas, or the aid
Of the nine Muses, who did much disdain
The homely features of his Naiad's vain.
Thus spake the Spye, and still would have proceeded
If that Apollo had not him impeded.
I think through th'insolence of these (said he)
And our remissnesse: we this Barr shall see
Become a stage of the Old Comedye,
How boldly hath this proud traduceing Spye,
And his Comrades, our honest Poëts checked,
Who from the best have ever found respect:
Nor can smooth Drayton scape their censures sharp
But at his works this busy Spye must carp:
Drayton, whose Sonnets sweet of Love heroic
May melt th' Essaean, or the rigid Stoic
To amorous Leanders, and them move
Through Seas of tears, to swim to her they love.
This Swan of ours, that impure Zoylus blots
With scandals foul: But as the Ermines spotts
Add price and estimation to his Furre,
Soe the reproofs of this invective cur
Give light, and luster unto Draytons worth,
And with advantage set his merit forth:
Drayton, who doth, in such magnificke sort
Delineate Valour in his Agincourte,
That this illustr'ous poëme, doth inspire
Even courages of ice, with warlike fire.
His Tragicke Legends are with source endu'd,
To soften Scythyans, and Tartars rude,
Yea with pathetic Fancies to enchant
Obdurate minds: and hearts of Adamant,
His virtue's so sublime, that even as soon,
The Savage Negro's darts may pierce the Moon,
As the invectives of this froward Spye,
A drachme of worth, take from his merit high.
Thus spake Apollo: while old Drayton smiled
To see him curbed that had him thus reviled.
Now when the Jurours had distinctly heard
Each Bill, that was against these men prefer'd,
They then commanded were for to recede,
Until they on their Verdicts had agreed,
Soe positive the testmonies were;
The evidence s'authentic, and soe clear,
That they required no man of laws advice,
For to decide some points, or matters nice,
After some time in consultation spent,
Their verdicts to the Court they did present,
George Withers for their Foreman they had chose,
Who confident was, both in verse and prose;
He did not like a Custard, quake and quiver,
When he his verdict came for to deliver:
And first, of him it was inquired, whether
They in their verdict had agreed together:
He answered yes: and then he was commanded
The prisoner to behold: then thy demanded
If that Britannicus to them apear'd
Or fit to be condemned, or to be cleared:
The Foreman guilty cries, then they inquire,
What he can for himself speak, or desire,
Whereby he might evade that sentence just,
Which instantly proceed against him must.
He craved his book, but that was him denied;
It was his book (they said) which him destroyed.
Nor was this Pris'ner only guilty found,
For all his consorts heard the self-same sound.
Apollo then after a conflict high,
Between his justice, and his clemency,
Not without ebullition of some tears,
Thus sentence gave upon the Prisoners.
Britanicus condemned was to be led,
To that place where the Porcupines were fed,
Where to a post fast bound, he must remain,
Till with their quils, they had him shot and slain.
But Aulicus, pollo did condemn,
To be transported to the fatal Den
Which kept those Vipers, from all parts collected,
Of which Parnassus Treacle was confected.
For when Apollo did long since descry,
That Fortune, and the World did much envy
The learned crew, and them to Limbo sent,
Oft through the poison of deep discontent
He through his skill in physic did devise
This Antidote against all maladies;
And for this end he did those vipers cherrish,
Among which now, poor Aulicus must perish:
But the sly Scout, a gentler censure found,
( Apollo with such mildness did abound)
For he was destined to this punishment;
He to the Vale of Hybla must be sent,
There to protect the hives of Thrifty Bees,
From the Invasions and the Larcenies,
Of Wasps and Hornets; butt' was ordered too
That he stark naked, must this service do,
And he these Robbers only must assail,
With the long feather of a Capons tail,
The wise Intelligencer then did hear
His sentence, which seemed somewhat too severe
For he condemned was to a Scullions place,
Within the Kitchen of Apollos grace;
Where he was forced his papers to expend,
Piggs, Pyes, and Geese, from burning to defend.
But Civicus was sentenced to be gone,
Both from Parnassus and from Helicon,
And to the Fennes of Lerna was confined
Where a poor cottage was to him assigned;
There he a sory lively-hood must make,
By angling Frogs out of a stinking Lake.
The writer also of Diurnalls was
Condemned to a far remoter place,
For he was banished to an uncouth land,
Where only Apes inhabit and command:
And there he was enjoin'd to instruct these,
In Music, and in divers languages;
Yet had he no more languages then tongues,
No other music then the Cuckoos songs.
But he who did the Occurrances compile,
Was nor confined, nor forced to change his soil,
But by Apollo's mercy sentenced was,
To serve with paper all the Cloaca's,
That did unto Parnassus appertain,
And if hereafter any should complain,
He wanted this for necessary use,
Then without bail and maineprise, or excuse,
He must be carr'd to that prison sad,
Bocardo called, whence no releasments had.
The writer of the True Accounts then hears
His grievous censure, with unwilling ears:
He was condemned unto the Stygian Galley,
Where he was forced upon a wooden talley
To keep a true account of all those Ghosts
That daily ferry'd to the further Coasts:
And of his hire, each night receive he must
Three fillips on the nose, with a brown crust,
Of mouldy bread: and he for seven years space
Was judged to be a bond-slave in that place.
The Post received (as it to some may seem)
A sentence to way rigid, or extreme,
For he was not exiled, nor forced to change
His calling, for a place of baseness strange:
Nor was the gallant offspring of his wit,
Condemned to the Oven, or to the Spitt.
It was decreed he should be still permitted
For to ride post, but must be ever fitted
With stumbling Jades of such decrepit age,
That they would tire, in riding half a stage.
Appollo then, this judgment did express,
'Gainst th' Author of the Perfect Passages;
He was confined unto a gloomy Gave:
Which nor to Sun, nor Moon admission gave
Here by the glow-worms blaze, and glimmering light
Of rotten wood, he was inioyn'd to write
The Leaguers, Fights, Advances, and Retreats,
Assaults, Surprisalls, and all martial feats,
Which in that long, and bloody war were showed
Wherein sly Weasills, noisome Ratts subdued
The Spye then hears his censure, which contains
A lesser weight of infamy, then pains.
For whereas Phaebus had received of late
Petitions meek, from the Pigmean State,
Which showed how the stern Cranes with ireful teen
Opprest had these Epitomes of men,
And with their stratagems, and warlike sleights
Reduc'd that Nation to deplored straits:
For they, armed with black bills, in combat fierce,
Had foiled those foot and half-foot Cavaliers:
And with their watchful Camisades likewise
Did them by night so frequently surprise,
That they were forced to crave Apoolos aide,
Approching death, and ruin to evade,
Who pities their estate, and to comply
With their desires, appoints the cunning Spye
To post away to the Pigmaean Land,
To be assistant with his helping hand;
And to discover with his piercing eyes,
The Cranes deep plots, and hidden subtleties:
Apollo likewise did injoine the Spye,
To visit Caucasus as he passed by,
Cloud-topping Caucosus, where Eagles strong
Their airyes have, the horrid Cliffes among:
With these fierce Birds, him he commands to treat,
About the levyes of some Forces great;
Against th' insulting Cranes to be employ'd,
Which the Pigmaeans poor had so annoy'd.
In lieu of other punishment, the Spye
Was bound to undertake this Embassye:
And did applaud Apollos mercy strange,
That did his censure to an honor change.
The Scottish Dove then heard this sentence fair:
He to his native country must repair,
And was on pain of death prohibited,
To cross the Seas, or to repass the the Twede,
But while his guilty fellows did envye
His easy Mulct, and gentle penaltye;
He cried his sentence was severe, and hard,
And might with most of theirs, be well compared,
For if they knew the Horne as well as he,
They'd rather die, then there imprisoned be.
When judgment was on all the Pris'ners past,
Appollo to dissolve the Court did hast;
But Aulicus in most submissive wise,
For Mitigation of his censure cries:
So did Britanicus. Phaebus relents,
And takes the edge off from their punishments,
They were repriv'd. Then all the Court commended
Appollo's mercy: Thus th' Assizes ended.

Printed and Published according to Order.

FINIS.