Baxters Narrative of His Life and Times

THE PREFACE TO THE READER.

A BREVIATE OF THE CONTENTS OF THE Ensuing Narrative: Which was written by Parts, at different Times.

Be pleased (Candid Reader) to correct these Errors in the beginning thus:

PAge 1. line 29. for and read one; and after rest r. and. p. 2. l. 10. after clock r. in the. and l27. dele and. p. 3. l. 35. for being r. bringing me. p. 4. l. 28. dele of. and l. 40. after knowledge r. was. l. 42. for wonder r. wondered p. 6. l. 17. r. that part of Physic. p. 8. l. 29. r. usually. p. 199. l. 14. for he r. it. l. 46. for rejections r. objections. The rest as they occur inter legendum: for I could not attend the Press and prevent the Errata.

THE LIFE OF THE REVEREND Mr. Richard Baxter.

LIB. I. PART I.

§ 1. M Y Father's Name was Richard (the Son of Richard ) Baxter: His Habitation and Estate at a Village called Eaton-Constantine, a mile from the Wrekin -Hill, and above half a mile from Severn River, and five miles from Shrewsbury in Shropshire: A Village most pleasantly and healthfully situate. My Mother's Name was Beatrice the Daughter of Richard Adeney of Rowton, a Village near High-Ercall, the Lord Newport 's Seat, in the same County: There I was born A. D. 1615. on the 12th of November, being the Lord's Day, in the Morning at the time of Divine Worship; and Baptized at High-Ercall the 19th day following: And there I lived from my Parents with my Grandfather till I was near Ten years of Age, and then was taken home.

My Father had only the Competent Estate of a Freeholder, free from the Temptations of Poverty and Riches: But having been addicted to Gaming in his Youth, and his Father before him, it was so entangled by Debts, that it occasioned some excess of worldly Cares before it was freed.

We lived in a Country that had but little Preaching at all: In the Village where I was born there was four Readers successively in Six years time, ignorant Men, and two of them immoral in their lives; who were all my School-masters. In the Village where my Father lived, there was a Reader of about Eighty years of Age that never preached, and had two Churches about Twenty miles distant: His Eyesight failing him, he said Common-Prayer without Book; but for the Reading of the Psalms and Chapters, he got a Common Thresher and Day-Labourer one year, and a Taylor another year: (for the Clerk could not read well): And at last he had a Kinsman of his own, (the excellentest Stage-player in all the Country, and a good Gamester and good Fellow) that got Orders and supplied one of his Places! After him another younger Kinsman, that could write and read, got Orders: And at the same time another Neighbor's Son that had been a while at School turned Minister, and who would needs go further than the rest, ventured to preach (and after got a Living in Staffordshire, ) and when he had been a Preacher about Twelve or Sixteen years, he was fain to give over, it being discovered that his Orders were forged by the first ingenious Stage-Player. After him another Neighbor's Son took Orders, when he had been a while an Attorney's Clerk, and a common Drunkard, and tippled himself into so great Poverty that he had no other way to live: It was feared that he and more of them came by their Orders the same way with the forementioned Person: These were the School-masters of my Youth (except two of them:) who read Common Prayer on Sundays and Holy-days, and taught School and tippled on the Week-days, and whipt the Boys when they were drunk, so that we changed them very oft. Within a few miles about us, were near a dozen more Ministers that were near Eighty years old apiece, and never preached; poor ignorant Readers, and most of them of Scandalous Lives: only three or four constant comperent Preachers lived near us, and those (though Conformable all save one) were the common Marks of the People's Obloquy and Reproach, and any that had but gone to hear them, when he had no Preaching at home, was made the Derision of the Vulgar Rabble, under the odious Name of a Puritan.

But though we had no better Teachers, it pleased God to instruct and change my Father, by the bare reading of the Scriptures in private, without either Preaching, or Godly Company, or any other Books but the Bible: And God made him the Instrument of my first Convictions, and Approbation of a Holy Life, as well as of my Restraint from the grosser sort of Lives. When I was very young, his serious Speeches of God and the Life to come, possessed me with a fear of sinning! When I was but near Ten years of Age, being at School at High-Ercall, we had leave to play on the Day of the King's Coronation; and at Two of the Clock afternoon on that Day there happened an Earthquake, which put all the People into a fear, and somewhat possessed them with awful thoughts of the Dreadful God. (I make no Commentary on the Time; nor do I know certainly whether it were in other Countries.)

At first my Father set me to read the Historical part of the Scripture, which suiting with my Nature greatly delighted me; and though all that time I neither understood nor relished much the Doctrinal Part, and Mystery of Redemption, yet it did me good by acquainting me with the Matters of Fact, and drawing me on to love the Bible, and to search by degrees into the rest.

But though my Conscience would trouble me when I sinned, yet divers sins I was addicted to, and ost committed against my Conscience; which for the warning of others I will confess here to my shame.

1. I was much addicted when, I feared Correction to lie, that I might scape.

2. I was much addicted to the excessive gluttonous eating of Apples and Pears: which I think laid the foundation of that Imbecillity and Flatulency of my Stomach, which caused the Bodily Calamities of my Life.

3. To this end, and to concur with naughty Boys that gloried in evil, I have oft gone into other men's Orchards, and stolen their Fruit, when I had enough at home.

4. I was somewhat excessively addicted to play, and that with covetousness, for Money.

5. I was extremely bewitched with a Love of Romances, Fables and old Tales, which corrupted my Affections and lost my Time.

6. I was guilty of much idle foolish Chat, and imitation of Boys in scurrilous foolish Words and Actions (though I durst not swear).

7. I was too proud of my Masters Commendations for Learning, who all of them • ed my pride, making me Seven or Eight years the highest in the School, and boasting of me to others, which though it furthered my Learning, yet helped not my Humility.

8. I was too bold and irreverent towards my Parents.

These were my Sins which in my Childhood Conscience troubled me for a great while before they were overcome.

In the Village where I lived the Reader read the Common-Prayer briefly, and the rest of the Day even till dark Night almost, except Eating time, was spent in Dancing under a May-Pole and a great Tree, not far from my Father's Door; where all the Town did meet together: And though one of my Father's own Tenants was the Piper, he could not restrain him, not break the Sport: So that we could not read the Scripture in our Family without the great disturbance of the Taber and Pipe and Noise in the Street! Many times my Mind was inclined to be among them, and sometimes I broke loose from Conscience, and joined with them; and the more I did it the more I was inclined to it. But when I heard them call my Father Puritan, it did much to cure me and alienate me from them: for I considered that my Father's Exercise of Reading the Scripture, was better than theirs, and would surely be better thought on by all men at the last; and I considered what it was for that he and others were thus derided. When I heard them speak scornfully of others as Puritans whom I never knew, I was at first apt to believe all the Lies and Slanders wherewith they loaded them: But when I heard my own Father so reproached, and perceived the Drunkards were the forwardest in the reproach, I perceived that it was mere Malice: For my Father never scrupled Common-Prayer or Ceremonies, nor spake against Bishops, nor ever so much as prayed but by a Book or Form, being not ever acquainted then with any that did otherwise: But only for reading Scripture when the rest were Dancing on the Lord's Day, and for praying (by a Form out of the end of the Common-Prayer Book) in his House, and for reproving Drunkards and Swearers, and for talking sometimes a few words of Scripture and the Life to come, he was reviled commonly by the Name of Puritan, Precision and Hypocrite: and so were the Godly Conformable Ministers that lived anywhere in the Country near us, not only by our Neighbors, but by the common talk of the Vulgar Rabble of all about us. By this Experience I was fully convinced that Godly People were the best, and those that despised them and lived in Sin and Pleasure, were a malignant unhappy sort of People: and this kept me out of their Company, except now and then when the Love of Sports and Play enticed me.

§ 2. The chiefest help that I had for all my Learning in the Country Schools, was with Mr. John Owen School-master at the Free-School at Wroxeter, to whom I went next, who lived in Sir Richard Newport 's House (afterward Lord Newport ) at Eyton, and taught School at that ancient Uriconium, (where the Ruins and old Coin confirm those Histories, which make it an ancient City in the Romans Times).

The present Lord Newport and his Brother were then my School-fellows, in a lower Form, and Dr. Richard Allestree now Dr. of the Chair in Oxford, Canon of Christ 's- Church, and Provost of Eaton-College: of whom I remember that when my Master set him up into the lower end of the highest Form, where I had long been Chief, I took it so ill, that I talked of leaving the School: whereupon my Master gravely, but very tenderly, rebuked my pride, and gave me for my Theme, Ne suitor ultra crepidam.

§ 3. About that time it pleased God of his wonderful Mercy to open my Eyes with a clearer insight into the Concerns and Case of my own Soul, and to touch my heart with a livelier feeling of things • Spiritual than ever I had sound before: And it was by the means and in the order following; stirring up my Conscience more against me, by robbing an Orchard or two with rude Boys, than it was before: And being under some more Conviction for my Sin, a poor Day-Labourer in the Town (he that I before-mentioned that was wont to read in the Church for the old Parson) had an old torn Book which he lent my Father, which was called Bunny 's Resolution, (being written by Parson 's the Jesuit, and corrected by Edm. Bunny). I had before heard some Sermons, and read a good Book or two, which made me more love and honor Godliness in the General; but I had never felt any other change by them on my heart. Whether it were that till now I came not to that maturity of Nature, which made me capable of discerning; or whether it were that this was God's appointed time, or both together, I had no lively sight and sense of what I read till now. And in the reading of this Book (when I was about Fifteen years of Age) it pleased God to awaken my Soul, and show me the folly of Sinning, and the misery of the Wicked, and the inexpressible weight of things Eternal, and the necessity of resolving on a Holy Life, more than I was ever acquainted with before. The same things which I knew before came now in another manner, with Light, and Sense and Seriousness to my Heart.

This cast me first into fears of my Condition; and those drove me to Sorrow and Confession and Prayer, and so to some resolution for another kind of Life: And many a-day I went with a throbbing Conscience, and saw that I had other Matters to mind, and another Work to do in the World, than ever I had minded well before.

Yet whether sincere Conversion began now, or before, or after, I was never able to this day to know: for I had before had some Love to the Things and People which were good, and a restraint from other Sins except those forementioned; and so much from those that I seldom committed most of them, and when I did, it was with great reluctancy. And both now and formerly I knew that Christ was the only Mediator by whom we must have Pardon, Justification, and Life: But even at that time, I had little lively sense of the Love of God in Christ to the World or me, nor of my special need of him! for Parsons and all Papists almost are too short upon this Subject.

And about that time it pleased God that a poor Pedlar came to the Door that 〈1 page duplicate〉 〈1 page duplicate〉 had Ballads and some good Books: And my Father bought of him Dr. Sibb 's bruised Reed. This also I read, and found it suited to my state, and seasonably sent me; which opened more the Love of God to me, and gave me a livelier apprehension of the Mystery of Redemption, and how much I was beholden to Jesus Christ.

All this while neither my Father nor I had any Acquaintance or Familiarity with any that had any Understanding in Matters of Religion, nor ever heard any pray ex tempore: But my Prayers were the Confession in the Common-Prayer Book, and sometime one of Mr. Bradford 's Prayers, (in a Book called his Prayers and Meditations ) and sometime a Prayer out of another Prayer-Book which we had.

After this we had a Servant that had a little Piece of Mr. Perkins 's Works (of Repentance, and the right Art of Living and Dying well, and the Government of the Tongue ): And the reading of that did further inform me, and confirm me. And thus (without any means but Books) was God pleased to resolve me for himself.

§ 4. When I was ready for the University, my Master drew me into another way which kept me thence, where were my vehement desires. He had a Friend at Ludlow, Chaplain to the Council there, called Mr. Richard Wickstead; whose Place having allowance from the King (who maintaineth the House) for one to attend him, he told my Master that he was purposed to have a Scholar fit for the University; and having but one, would be better to him than any Tutor in the University could be: whereupon my Master persuaded me to accept the offer, and told me it would be better than the University to me: I believed him as knowing no better myself; and it suited well with my Parents minds, who were willing to have me as near to them as possible (having no Children but myself): And so I left my School-master for a supposed Tutor: But when I had tried him I found myself deceived; his business was to please the Great Ones, and seek Preferment in the World; and to that end found it necessary sometimes to give the Puritans a flirt, and call them unlearned, and speak much for Learning, being but a Superficial Scholar of himself: He never read to me, nor used any savoury Discourse of Godliness; only he loved me, and allowed me Books and Time enough: So that as I had no considerable helps from him in my Studies, so had I no considerable hindrance.

And though the House was great (there being four Judges, the King's Attorney, the Secretary, the Clerk of the Fines, with all their Servan • s, and all the Lord President's Servants, and many more) and though the Town was full of Temptations, through the multitude of Persons, (Counse • lors, Attorneys, Officers, and Clerks) and much given to tippling and excess, it pleased God not only to keep me from them, but also to give me one intimate Companion, who was the greatest help to my Seriousness in Religion, that ever I had before, and was a daily Watchman over my Soul! We walked together, we read together, we prayed together, and when we could we lay together: And having been brought out of great Distress to Prosperity, and his Affections being fervent, though his Knowledge not great, he would be always stirring me up to Zeal and Diligence, and even in the Night would rise up to Prayer and Thanksgiving to God, and wonder that I could sleep so, that the thoughts of God's Mercy did not make me also to do as he did! He was unwearied in reading all serious Practical Books of Divinity; especially Perkins, Bolton, Dr. Preston, Elton, Dr. Taylor, Whately, Harris, &c. He was the first that ever I heard pray Ex tempore (out of the Pulpit) and that taught me so to pray: And his Charity and Liberality was equal to his Zeal; so that God made him a great means of my good, who had more knowledge than he, but a colder heart.

Yet before we had been Two years acquainted, he fell once and a second time by the power of Temptation into a degree of Drunkenness, which so terrified him upon the review (especially after the second time) that he was near to Despair; and went to good Ministers with sad Confessions: And when I had left the House and his Company, he fell into it again and again so oft, that at last his Conscience could have no Relief or Ease but in changing his Judgment, and disowning the Teachers and Doctrines which had restrained him. And he did it on this manner: One of his Superiors, on whom he had dependence, was a man of great Sobriety and Temperance, and of much Devotion in his way; but very zealous against the Nonconformists, ordinarily talking most bitterly against them, and reading almost only such Books as encouraged him in this way: By converse with this Man, my Friend was first drawn to abate his Charity to Nonconformists; and then to think and speak reproachfully of them; and next that to dislike all those that came near them, and to say that such as Bolton were too severe, and enough to make men mad: And the last, I heard of him was, that he was grown a Fudler, and Railer at strict men. But whether God recovered him, or what became of him I cannot tell.

§ 5. From Ludlow Castle, after a year and half, I returned to my Father's House, and by that time my old School-master, Mr. John Owen, was sick of a Consumption (which was his Death:) and the Lord Newport desired me to teach that School till he either recovered or died, (resolving to take his Brother after him if he died): which I did about a quarter of a year, or more.

After that old Mr. Francis Garbett (the faithful, learned Minister at Wroxeter ) for about a Month read Logic to me, and provoked me to a closer Course of Study; which yet was greatly interrupted by my bodily weakness, and the troubled Condition of my Soul. For being in expectation of Death, by a violent Cough, with Spitting of Blood, &c. of two years continuance, supposed to be a deep degree of a Consumption, I was yet more awakened to be serious, and solicitous about my Soul's everlasting State: And I came so short of that sense and seriousness, which a Matter of such infinite weight required, that I was in many years doubt of my Sincerity, and thought I had no Spiritual Life at all. I wondered at the senseless hardness of my heart, that could think and talk of Sin and Hell, and Christ and Grace, of God and Heaven, with no more feeling: I cried out from day today to God for Grace against this senseless Deadness: I called myself the most hard hearted Sinner, that could feel nothing of all that I knew and talked of: I was not then sensible of the incomparable Excellency of Holy Love, and Delight in God, nor much employed in Thanksgiving and Praise: But all my Groans were for more Contrition, and a broken Heart, and I prayed most for Tears and Tenderness.

And thus I complained for many Years to God and Man, and between the Expectations of Death, and the Doubts of my own Sincerity in Grace, I was kept in some more care of my Salvation, than my Nature (too stupid and too far from Melancholy) was easily brought to.

At this time I remember, the reading of Mr. Ezek. Culverwell 's Treatise of Faith did me much good, and many other excellent Books, were made my Teachers and Comforters: And the use that God made of Books, above Ministers, to the benefit of my Soul, made me somewhat excessively in love with good Books; so that I thought I had never • now, but scrap'd up as great a Treasure of them as I could.

Thus was I long kept with the Calls of approaching Death at one Ear, and the Questionings of a doubtful Conscience at the other! and since then I have found that this method of God's was very wise, and no other was so like to have tended to my good. These Benefits of it I sensibly perceived.

1. It made me vile and loathsome to myself, and made Pride one of the hatefullest Sins in the World to me! I thought of myself as I now think of a detestable Sinner, and my Enemy, that is, with a Love of Benevolence, wishing them well, but with little Love of Complacency at all: And the long continuance of it, tended the more effectually to a habit.

2. It much restrained me from that sportful Levity and Vanity which my Nature and Youthfulness did much incline me to, and caused me to meet Temptations to Sensuality with the greatest fear, and made them less effectual against me.

3. It made the Doctrine of Redemption the more savoury to me, and my thoughts of Christ to be more serious and regardful, than before they were. I remember in the beginning how savoury to my reading was Mr. Perkin 's short Treatise of the Right Knowledge of Christ crucified, and his Exposition of the Creed; because they taught me how to live by Faith on Christ.

4. It made the World seem to me as a Carkass that had neither Life nor Loveliness: And it destroyed those Ambitious desires after Literate Fame, which was the Sin of my Childhood! I had a desire before to have attained the highest Academical Degrees and Reputation of Learning, and to have chosen out my Studies accordingly; but Sickness and Solicitousness for my doubting Soul did shame away all these Thoughts as Fooleries and Children's Plays.

5. It set me upon that Method of My Studies, which since then I have found the benefit of, though at the time I was not satisfied with myself. It caused me first to seek God's Kingdom and his Righteousness, and most to mind the One thing needful; and to determine first of my Ultimate End; by which I was engaged to choose out and prosecute all other Studies, but as meant to that end: Therefore Divinity was not only carried on with the rest of my Studies with an equal hand, but always had the first and chiefest place! And it caused me to study Practical Divinity first, in the most Practical Books, in a Practical Order; doing all purposely for the informing and reforming of my own Soul. So that I had read a multitude of our English Practical Treatises, before I had ever read any other Bodies of Divinity, than Ursine and Ames, or two or three more. By which means my Affection was carried on with my Judgment: And by that means I prosecuted all my Studies with unweariedness and delight: And by that means all that I read did stick the better in my memory: and also less of my time was lost by lazy intermissions: (but my bodily Infirmities always caused me to lo • e (or spend) much of it in Motion and Corporal Exercises; which was sometimes by Walking, and sometimes at the Plow, and such Country Labors).

But one loss I had by this Method, which hath proved irreparable: That I mist that part of Learning which stood at the greatest distance (in my thoughts) from my Ultimate End, (though no doubt but remotely it may be a valuable means), and I could never since find time to get it. Besides the Latin Tongue, and but a mediocrity in Greek (with an inconsiderable trial at the Hebrew long after) I had no great skill in Languages: Though I saw than an accurateness and thorough in • ight in the Greek and Hebrew were very desirable; but I was so eagerly carried after the Knowledge of Things, that I too much neglected the study of Words. And for the Mathematics, I was an utter stranger to them, and never could find in my heart to divert any Studies that way. But in order to the Knowledge of Divinity my inclination was most to Logic and Metaphysics, with that part Physicks which treateth of the Soul, contenting myself at first with a slighter study of the rest: And these had my Labor and Delight. Which occasioned me (perhaps too soon) to plunge myself very early into the study of Controversies; and to read all the School men I could get; (for next Practical Divinity, no Books so suited with my Disposition as Aquinus, Scotus, Durand, Ockam, and their Disciples; because I thought they narrowly searched after Truth, and brought Things out of the darkness of Confusion: For I could never from my first Studies endure Confusion! Till Equivocals were explained, and Definition and Distinction led the way, I had rather hold my Tongue than speak! and was never more weary of Learned Men's Discourses, than when I heard them long wrangling about unexpounded Words or Things, and eagerly Disputing before they understood each others Minds; and vehemently asserting Modes and Consequences and Adjuncts, before they considered of the Quod sit, the Quid sit, or the Quotuplex. I never thought I understood any thing till I could anatomize it, and see the parts distinctly, and the Conjunction of the parts as they make up the whole. Distinction and Method seemed to me of that necessity, that without them I could not be said to know; and the Disputes which forsook them, or abused them, seem but as incoherant Dreams.

§ 6. And as for those Doubts of my own Salvation, which exercised me many years, the chiefest Causes of them were these:

1. Because I could not distinctly trace the Workings of the Spirit upon my heart in that method which Mr. Bolton, Mr. Hooker, Mr. Rogers, and other Divines describe! nor knew the Time of my Conversion, being wrought on by the forementioned Degrees. But since then I understood that the Soul is in too dark and passionate a plight at first, to be able to keep an exact account of the order of its own Operations; and that preparatory Grace being sometimes longer and sometimes shorter, and the first degree of Special Grace being usually very small, it is not possible that one of very many should be able to give any true account of the just Time when Special Grace began, and advanced him above the state of Preparation.

2. My second Doubt was as aforesaid, because of the hardness of my heart, or want of such lively Apprehensions of Things Spiritual, which I had about Things Corporal. And though I still groan under this as my sin and want, yet I now perceive that a Soul in Flesh doth work so much after the manner of the Flesh, that it much desireth sensible Apprehensions; but Things Spiritual and Distant are not so apt to work upon them, and to stir the Passions, as Things present and sensible are; especially being known so darkly as the state and operations of separated Souls, are known to us who are in the Body: And that the Rational Operations of the higher Faculties (the Intellect and Will) may without so much passion, set God and Things Spiritual highest within us, and give them the preeminence, and subject all Carnal Interest to them, and give them the Government of the Heart and Life: and that this is the ordinary state of a Believer.

3. My next Doubt was, left Education and Fear had done all that ever was done upon my Soul, and Regeneration and Love were yet to seek; because I had found Convictions from my Childhood, and found more Fear than Love in all my Duties and Restraints.

But I afterward perceived that Education is God's ordinary way for the Conveyance of his Grace, and ought no more to be set in opposition to the Spirit, than the preaching of the Word; and that it was the great Mercy of God to begin with me so soon, and to prevent such sins as else might have been my shame and sorrow while I lived; and that Repentance is good, but Prevention and Innocence is better; which though we cannot attain in perfection, yet the more the better. And I understood, that though Fear without Love be not a state of Saving Grace, and greater Love to the World than to God be not consistent with Sincerity; yet a little predominant Love (prevailing against worldly Love) conjunct with a far greater measure of Fear, may be a state of Special Grace! And that Fear being an easier and irresistible Passion, doth oft obscure that measure of Love which is indeed within us! And that the Soul of a Believer groweth up by degrees, from the more troublesome (but safe) Operations of Fear, to the more high and excellent Operations of Complacential Love; even as it hath more of the sense of the Love of God in Christ, and belief of the Heavenly Life which it approacheth: And that it is long before Love be sensibly predominant in respect of Fear (that is, of Self-love and Self-preservation ), though at the first it is predominant against Worldly Love. And I found that my hearty Love of the Word of God, and of the Servants of God, and my desires to be more holy, and especially the hatred of my Heart for loving God no more, and my Love to love him, and be pleasing to him, was not without some Love to himself, though it worked more sensibly on his nearer Image.

4. Another of my Doubts was because my Grief and Humiliation was no greater, and because I could weep no more for this.

But I understood at last that God breaketh not all Men's hearts alike, and that the gradual proceedings of his Grace might be one cause, and my Nature not apt to weep for other Things another: And that the Change of our Heart from Sin to God, is true Repentance; and a loathing of ourselves is true Humiliation! and that he that had rather leave his Sin, than have leave to keep it, and had rather be the most holy, than have leave to be unholy or less holy, is neither without true Repentance, nor the Love of God.

5. Another of my Doubts was, because I had after my Change committed some Sins deliberately and knowingly: And be they never so small, I thought he that could sin upon knowledge and deliberation had no true Grace, and that if I had but had as strong Temptations to Fornication, Drunkenness, Fraud, or other more heinous Sins, I might also have committed them! And if these proved that I had then no Saving Grace, after all that I had felt, I thought it unlikely that ever I should have any.

This stuck with me longer than any of the rest; and the more, because that every Sin which I knowingly committed did renew it: And the terms on which I receive Consolation against it are these: (Not as those that think every Sin against Knowledge doth nullify all our former Grace and Unregenerate us; and that every time we Repent of such, we have a new Regeneration: but)

1. All Saving Grace doth indeed put the Soul into a state of Enmity to Sin as Sin, and consequently to every known Sin.

2. This Enmity must show itself in Victory; for bare striving, when we are overcome, and yielding to sin when we have a while striven against it, proveth not the Soul to be sincere.

3. Yet do not God's Children always overcome; for then they should not sin at all! But he that saith he hath no sin deceiveth himself.

4. God's Children always overcome those Temptations which would draw them to a wicked unholy state of Life, and would unregenerate them and change their State, and turn them back from God to a fleshly worldly Life; and also to any particular Sin which proveth such a state, and signifieth a Heart which hath more habitual Love to the World than unto God (which may well be called a Mortal Sin, as proving the Sinner in a state of Death; as others may be called Venial Sins, which are consistent with Spiritual Life and a Justified State).

5. Therefore whenever a justified Person sinneth, the Temptation at that time prevaileth against the Spirit, and the Love of God! not to the Extinction of the Love of God, nor to the Destruction of the Habit, nor the setting up of the contrary Habit in predominancy; as setting up the Habitual Love of any Sin above the habitual Love of God! The inclination of the Soul is still most to God: And he esteemeth him most, and preferreth him in the adherence of his Will, in the main bent and course of Heart and Life; only he is overcome, and so far abateth the actual Love and Obedience to God, as to commit this particular Act of Sin, and remit or omit that Act of Love.

6. And this it is possible for a Justified Person to do upon some deliberation: For as Grace may strive one instant only in one Act, and then be suddenly overcome; so it may strive longer, and keep the Mind on Considerations of restraining Motives, and yet be overcome.

7. For it is not the me • Length of Consideration which is enough to excite the Heart against Sin, but there must be clearness of Light, and liveliness in those Considerations: And sometimes a sudden Conviction is so clear, and great, and sensible, that in an instant it stireeth up the Soul to an utter abhorrence of the Temptation, when the same Man at another time may have all the same thoughts, in so sleepy a degree as shall not prevail. And sometimes the weakness of Grace as much appeareth by making no resistance at all, by causing deliberation (even in Sins of Passion and Surprize) as at other times it doth, by yielding after dull deliberations.

8. And though a little Sin must be hated, and universal Obedience must prove our Sincerity, and no one Sin must be willfully continued in; yet it is certain that God's Servants do not oft commit Sins materially great and heinous (as Fornication, Drunkenness, Perjury, Oppression, Deceit, &c. ) and yet that they often commit some lesser Sins, (as idle thoughts, and idle words, and dullness in holy Duties, defectiveness in the Love of God, and omission of holy Thoughts and Words, &c. ) And that the Tempter oft getteth advantage even with them, by telling them that the Sin is small, and such as God's Servants ordinarily commit; and that naturally we fly with greater fear from a great danger than from a less; from a wound at the heart than a cut finger! And therefore one reason why idle words and sinful thoughts are even deliberately oftener committed than most heinous Sins, is because the Soul is not awaked so much by fear and care to make resistance: And Love needeth the help of fear in this our weak condition.

9. And it is certain that ususally the Servants of God, being men of most knowledge, do therefore sin against more knowledge than others do; for there are but few Sins, which they know not to be Sins: They know that idle Thoughts and Words, and the omissions of the contrary, are their sins.

10. There are some Sins of such difficulty to avoid, (as the disorder or omission of holy Thoughts, and the defects of Love to God, &c. ) and some Temptations so strong, and the Soul in so sluggish a case to resist, that good Thoughts which are in deliberation used against them, are borne down at last, and are less effectual.

11. And our present stock of Habitual Grace is never sufficient of itself, without Co-operating Grace from Christ: And therefore, when we provoke him to withhold his help, no wonder if we show our weakness, so far as to stumble in the way to Heaven, or to step out into some by-path, or break over the hedge, and sometimes to look back, and yet never to turn back, and go again from God to the World.

12. And because no fall of a Saint, which is Venial, an Infirmity, consistent with Grace, doth either destroy the habit of Love and Grace, or set up a contrary habit above it, nor yet pervert the scope and bent of the Conversation, but only prevaileth to a particular Act, it therefore followeth, that the Soul riseth up from such a Sin by true Repentance, and that the new Nature or Habit of Love within us, will work out the Sin as soon as it hath advantage: As the Needle in the Compass will return to its proper Point, when the force that moved it doth cease; and as a running Stream will turn clear again, when the force that muddied it is past. And this Repentance will do much to increase our hatred of the Sin, and fortify 〈◊〉 against the next Temptation: so that though there be some Sins, which through our great Infirmity we daily commit, as we daily repent of them (as disordered Thoughts, defects of Love, neglect of God, &c. ) yet it will not be so with those Sins which a willing, sincere, habituated Penitent hath more in his power to cast out.

13. And yet when all is done, Sin will breed fears, (and the more, by how much the more deliberate and willful it is:) And the best way to keep under Doubts and Terrors, and to keep up Comfort, is to keep up Actual Obedience, and quickly and penitently return when we have sinned.

This much I thought meet to say for the sake of others who may fall into the same Temptations and Perplexities.

§ 7. The Means by which God was pleased to give me some Peace and Comfort, were,

1. The Reading of many Consolatory Books.

2. The observation of other Men's Condition: When I heard many make the very same Complaints that I did, who were People of whom I had the best esteem, for the uprightness and holiness of their Lives, it much abated my fears and troubles. And in particular it much comforted me, to read him whom I loved as one of the holiest of all the Martyrs, Mr. John Bradford, subscribing himself so often, [ The hard-hearted sinner; and the miserable hard-hearted sinner ] even as I was used to do myself.

3. And it much increased my peace when God's Providence called me to the comforting of many others that had the same Complaints: While I answered their Doubts, I answered my own; and the Charity which I was constrained to exercise for them redounded to myself, and insensibly abated my Fears, and procured me an increase of quietness of Mind.

And yet after all, I was glad of Probabilities instead of full undoubted Certainties; and to this very day, though I have no such degree of Doubtfulness as is any great trouble to my Soul, or procureth any great disquieting Fears, yet cannot I say that I have such a certainty of my own sincerity in Grace, as excludeth all Doubts and Fears of the contrary.

§ 8. At that time also God was pleased much to comfort and settle me by the acquaintance of some Reverend peaceable Divines; Mr. Garbet (aforesaid) and Mr. George Baxter of Little Wenlock, (very holy men and peaceable, who labored faithfully with little success till they were above fourscore years of Age apiece;) especially old Mr. Samuel Smith, sometime of Prittlewell in Essex, but then of Cressage in Shropshire (who hath written on the 6th of Hosea, the first Psalm, the 23d Psalm, the 51st Psalm, the 90th Psalm, the Eunuch 's Conversion, Noah 's Dove, the Great Assize, and other Books:) This good Man was one of my most familiar Friends, in whose Converse I took very much delight; who was buried but this Winter 1664. at his Native place at Dudley in Worcestershire.

§ 9. And because the Case of my Body had a great Operation upon my Soul, and the History of it is somewhat necessary to the right understanding of the rest, and yet it is not a Matter worthy to be oft mentioned, I shall here together give you a brief Account of the most of my Afflictions of that kind, reserving the mention of some particular Deliverances to the proper place.

I was naturally of a sound Constitution, but very thin and lean and weak, and especially of a great debility of the Nerves. At seven years old I had the Measils, and at fourteen the Small-pox: I too soon after them went into the cold, and after (in a Looseness) went into a River or Brook to wash me; and I eat raw Apples and Pears and Plumbs in great quantities for many years: All which together brought me into a violent Catarrh and Cough, which would not let me sleep quietly in the Night. When this had continued about two years, my Body being very thin, and Consumptions then common in the Country, I was much afraid of a Consumption: And first I did eat great store of raw Garlic, which took off some part of my Cough, but put an Acrimony into my Blood, which naturally was acrimonious.

After this the Spitting of Blood increased my fears: After that Sir Henry Herbert advised me to take the Flower of Brimstone, which I contin • ed till I had taken seven Ounces; which took off most of the remainder of my Cough, but increased the Acrimony of my Blood.

Then an unskillful Physician persuaded me that I had a Hectick, and to cure that I took much Milk from the Cow, and other pituitous cooling things, and constantly anointed my Stomach and Reins with refrigerating Oils of Violets and Roses; and was utterly restrained from my usual Exercise! By this time I had an extreme chilliness without, and yet a strange scurf on my Tongue, with a constant extreme desire of stretching, that I thought I could almost have endured a Rack; and an incredible flatulency at the Stomach, and a bleeding at the Nose.

The next Physician (an Aged and Experinced Doctor) was confident the Scurvy was my chief Distemper, and thereupon prescribed me more Acrimonious Medicaments, Scurvy-grass, Horse-radish, Mustard, Wormwood, &c. which abundantly increased my bleeding at the Nose; insomuch as I bled many times half a Pint or a Pint a day, and it continuing long, I was much weakened: Yet under this fear of the Scurvy I continued two years taking excessive quantities of Acrimonious Things; eating abundance of Mustard at every Meal, and drinking only Wormwood-beer, &c. and using some Exercise, as much as time would give me leave.

By this time divers eminent Physicians agreed that my Disease was the Hypocondriack Melancholy, and not the Scurvy.

To recite a Catalogue of my Symptoms and Pains, from Head to Feet, would be a tedious interruption to the Reader: I shall therefore only say this, that the Symptoms and Effects of my General Indisposition were very terrible; such as a flatulent Stomach, that turned all things into Wind; a Rheumatick head to a very great degree; and great sharpness in my Blood, which occasioned me no small trouble by the excoriation of my Fingers ends, which upon any heat I used, or A • omatick thing I took, would be raw and bloody: and every Spring and Fall, or by any kind of heating, my Nose still fell a bleeding, and that with such a great violence, and in such excessive quantities, as often threatened my Life: which I then ascribed to such Causes as I have since lived to see myself mistaken in; for I am now fully satisfied that all proceeded from Latent Stones in my Reins, occasioned by unsuitable Diet in my Youth.

And yet two wonderful Mercies I had from God:

1. That I was never overwhelmed with real Melancholy. My Distemper never went so far as to possess me with any inordinate Fancies, or damp me with sinking Sadness, although the Physicians called it the Hypocondriack Melancholy. I had at several times the Advice of no less than Six and thirty Physicians, by whose order I used Druggs without number almost, which God thought not fit to make successful for a Cure: and indeed all Authors that I read, acquainted me that my Disease was incurable; whereupon I at last forsook the Doctors for the most part, except when the urgency of a Symptom, or Pain, constrained me to seek some present ease.

2. The second Mercy which I met with, was, that my Pains, though daily and almost continual did not very much disable me from my Duty; but I could Study, and Preach, and Walk almost as well if I had been free: (of which more anon).

At last falling into a sudden and great decay and debility, I went to Sir Theodore Mayerne, who kept me in a long Course of Physic, which did me some good for the present; and after that, riding much in the Army did me some good than any thing: But having one Symptom on me (the constant excoriation of my three foremost Fingers ends on both Hands to the raw flesh) he sent me to Tunbridge -Waters, where I staid three Weeks; and after that my Defluctions and Agitation of the Serous Matter, much increased, (though the Excoriation ceased at that time) and hastened my greater ruin. Especially one Error of his did me hurt: He vehemently persswaded me to the eating of Apples, which of all things in the World had ever been my most deadly Enemies; so that when it was too late, Dr. Mayerne perceived that though Acrimony disposed the matter, yet mere flatulency pumped up the Blood, and was the most immediate Cause of the Haemorrhagie. Having taken cold with riding thin clothed in the Snow, and having but two days eaten Apples before Meat, as he persuaded me, I fell into such a bleeding as continued six days, with some fits of intermission; so that about a Gallon of Blood that we noted was lost, and what more I know not: Upon this both he and other Physicians gave me up as hopeless, through the weakness thereby occasioned, and concluding that all would end in a Dropsy, (for my Leggs began to swell • ): By a Friend's persuasion I wrote to Dr. George Bates, (Archiater to King Charles the Second as Sir Theodore Mayerne was to King Charles the First) who concurred so exactly in all points with Dr. Mayerne, as if they had consulted, (the Case and the Medicaments prescribed being unusual) that I marvelled at their Concord: and by both their Counsels (though neither of them had any considerable hope of my Life). I was necessitated, besides other Remedies, to be oft in purging, for all my weakness, to prevent a Dropsy. Within a quarter of a year I was able weakly to Preach again; but continued divers years in languishing Pains and Weaknesses, double or fourfold to what I had before: So that besides all my former In ••• mities, ever after this Bleeding my chief Disease is a Praematura Senectus, through the great Diminution of Nature's Stock: And just the same Symptoms as most men have about Fourscore years of Age, are added to those which I had before.

In some seeming Necessities my latter Physicians, after all this, did four or five times take some Blood from me; and once a spoonful in about seven Ounces of Serum did coagulate; but at no other time would one jot of it ever coagulate or cohere, but was a meet putrilage sine fibris, like thin Ink or Saw-pit Water.

To keep this Blood in the relaxed Vessels was now all my Cares, which daily shed abroad upon my Eyes, and Teeth, and Jaws, and Joynts, so that I had scarce rest night or day: (of some of the Effects, and my Remedy which God blessed to my ease, I shall speak more afterward). With such Blood, in a kind of Atrophie, which hath caused a very troublesome Drowsiness to seize upon and follow me, I have lived now these many years, and wrote all the Books that ever I wrote, and done the greatest part of my Service: My chiefest Remedies are,

1. Temperance as to quantity and quality of Food: for every bit or spoonful too much, and all that is not exceeding easy of digestion, and all that is flatulent, do turn all to Wind, and disorder my Head.

2. Exercise till I sweat: For if I walk not hard with almost all my strength, an hour before Dinner, and an hour before Super, till I sweat well, I am not able to digest two Meals; and cannot expect to live when I am disabled for Exercise, being presently overwhelmed with chilliness, flatulency, and serosity.

3. A constant Extrin • ick Heat, by a great Fire, which may keep me still near to a Sweat, if not in it: (for I am seldom well at ease but in a Sweat).

4. Beer as hot as my Throat will endure, drunk all at once, to make me Sweat.

These are the Means which God hath used to draw out my days, and give me ease (with one Herb inwardly taken); which I write for the sake of any Students that may be near the same Distempers; but almost all Physic did me harm: And no Aromatical Thing now can I taste, but it setteth my Nose a bleeding, though since I bled a Gallon I am not so prone to it as before.

I have cast in all this here together, that the Reader may better understand other things, and may not too oft be troubled with such Matters. But now at the Age of near Seventy years, what Changes and sad Days and Nights I undergo, I after tell.

§ 10. About the Eighteenth year of my Age Mr. Wickstead, with whom I had lived at Ludlow, had almost persuaded me to lay by all my Preparations for the Ministry, and to go to London, and get acquaintance at Court, and get some office, as being the only rising way. I had no mind of his Counsel who had helped me no better before; yet because that they knew that he loved me, and they had no great inclination to my being a Minister, my Parents accepted of his Motion: He told them that if I would go up and live a while with Sir Henry Herbert, then Master of the Revels, he would quickly set me in a rising way.

I would not be disobedient, but went up, and stayed at Whiteball with Sir H. H. about a month: But I had quickly enough of the Court; when I saw a Stage-Play instead of a Sermon on the Lord's-days in the Afternoon, and saw what Course was there in fashion, and heard little Preaching, but what was as to one part against the Puritans, I was glad to be gone: And at the same time it pleased God that my Mother fell sick, and desired my return; and so I resolved to bid farewell to those kind of Employments and Expectations.

While I was in London I fell into Acquaintance with a sober, godly, understanding Apprentice of Mr. Philemon Stephens the Bookseller, whose Name was Humphrey Blunden (who is since turned an extraordinary Chymist, and got Jacob Behem his Books translated and printed), whom I very much loved, and who by his Consolatory Letters and Directions for Books, did afterwards do me the Offices of an useful Friend.

§ 11. When I was going home again into the Country about Christmas-day, the greatest Snow began that hath been in this Age, which continued thence till Easter, at which some places had it many yards deep; and before it was a very hard Frost, which necessitated me to Frost-nail my Horse twice or thrice a day. On the Road I met a Waggon loaded, where I had no passage by, but on the side of a bank, which as I passed over, all my Horses feet split, from under him, and all the Girths brake, and so I was cast just before the Waggon Wheel, which had gone over me, but that it pleased God, that suddenly the Horses stopped, without any discernible cause, till I was recovered: which commanded me to observe the Mercy of my Protector.

§ 12. This mindeth me of some other Dangers and Deliverances which I past over. At Seventeen years of Age, as I rode out on a great unruly Horse for pleasure, which was wont on a sudden to get the Bitt in his Teeth, and set on running; as I was in a Field of high Ground, there being on the other side a Quick-set Hedge, a very deep narrow Lane, about a Stories height below me; suddenly the Horse got the Bridle as aforesaid, and set on running; and in the midst of his running unexpectedly turned aside, and leapt over the top of the Hedge into that deep Lane: I was somewhat before him at the Ground, and as the Mire saved me from the hurt beneath, so it pleased God that the Horse never touched me, but he light with two feet on one side of me, and two on the other; though the place made it marvelous, how his feet could fall besides me.

§ 13. While I look back to this, it maketh me remember how God at that time did cure my inclination to Gaming: About Seventeen years of Age being at Ludlow Castle, where many idle Gentlemen had little else to do, I had a mind to learn to play at Tables; and the best Gamester in the House undertook to teach me! As I remember, the first or second Game, when he had so much the better that it was an hundred to one, besides the difference of our skills, the standers by laughed at me, as well as he, for not giving it up, and told me the Game was lost: I knew no more but that it was not lost till all my Table-men were lost, and would not give it over till then. He told me, that he would lay me an hundred to one of it, and in good earnest laid me down ten shillings to my six pence: As soon as ever the Money was down, whereas he told me that there was no possibility of my Game, but by one Cast often, I had every Cast the same I wished, and he had everyone according to my desire, so that by that time one could go four or five times about the Room his Game was gone, which put him in so great an admiration, that I took the hint, and believed that the Devil had the ruling of the Dice, and did it to entice me on to be a Gamester. And so I gave him his Ten shillings again, and resolved I would never more play at Tables whilst I lived.

§ 14. But to return to the place where I left: When I came home from London, I found my Mother in extremity of Pain, and spent that Winter in the hearing of her Heart-piercing Groans, (shut up in the great Snow, which many that went abroad did perish in) till on May the 10th she died.

At Kidderminster, the Town being in want of fire, went all to shovel the way over the Heath to Stone-bridge, from whence their Coals come; and so great and sudden a storm of Snow fell, as overwhelmed them; so that some perished in it, and others saved their Lives by getting into a little Core that standeth on the Heath, and others scaped home with much ado.

§ 15. Above a year after the Death of my Mother, my Father married a Woman of great Sincerity in the Fear of God, Mary the Daughter of Sir Tho. Hunkes: whose Holiness, Mortification, Contempt of the World, and fervent Prayer (in which she spent a great part of her Life) have been so exceeding Exemplary, as made her a Special Blessing to our Family, an Honor to Religion, and an honorable Pattern to those that knew her. She lived to be 96 years old.

§ 16. From the Age of 21 till near 23, my Weakness was so great, that I expected not to live above a year; and my own Soul being under the serious apprehension of the Matters of another World, I was exceeding desirous to Communicate those Apprehensions to such ignorant, presumptuous, careless Sinners as the World aboundeth with. But I was in a very great perplexity between my Encouragements and my Discouragements: I was conscious of my personal insufficiency, for want of that measure of Learning and Experience, which so great and high a Work required. I knew that the want of Academical Honors and Degrees was like to make me Contemptible with the most, and consequently hinder the Success of my Endeavors. But yet expecting to be so quickly in another World, the great Concernments of miserable Souls, did prevail with me against all these Impediments; and being conscious of a thirsty desire of Men's Conversion and Salvation, and of some competent persuading Faculty of Expression, which • ervent Affections might help to actuate, I resolved that if one or two Souls only might be won to God, it would easily recompense all the dishonor which for want of Titles I might undergo from Men!

And indeed I had such clear Convictions myself of the madness of secure pres • mptuous Sinners, and the unquestionable Reasons which should induce men to a holy Life, and of the unspeakable greatness of that Work, which in this hasty Inch of Time, we have all to do, that I thought that Man that could be ungodly, if he did but hear these things, was fitter for Bedlam, than for the Reputation of a sober rational Man: And I was so foolish as to think, that I had so much to say, and of such Convincing Evidence for a Godly Life, that Men were scarce able to withstand it; not considering what a blind and senseless Rock the Heart of an obdurate Sinner is; and that old Adam is too strong for young Luther (as he said). But these Apprehensions determined my choice.

§ 17. Till this time I was satisfied in the Matter of Conformity: Whilst I was young I had never been acquainted with any that were against it, or that questioned it. I had joined with the Common-Prayer with as hearty • ervency as afterward I did with other Prayers! As long as I had no Prejudice against it, I had no stop in my Devotions from any of its Imperfections.

At last at about 20 years of Age, I became acquainted with Mr. Simmonds, Mr. Cradock, and other very zealous godly Nonconformists in Shrewsbury, and the adjoining parts, whose fervent Prayers and savoury Conference and holy Lives did profit me much. And when I understood that they were People prosecuted by the Bishops, I found much prejudice arise in my heart against those that persecuted them, and thought those that silenced and troubled such Men could not be the genuine Followers of the Lord of Love.

But yet I resolved that I would study the Point, as well as I was able, before I would be confident on either side: And it prejudiced me against the Nonconformists, because we had but one of them near us, (one Mr. Barnel of Uppington ) who, though he was a very honest blameless Man, yet was reputed to be but a mean Scholar; when Mr. Garbet, and some other Conformists, were more Learned Men: And withal, the Books of the Nonconformists were then so scarce, and hard to be got (because of the danger) that I could not come to know their reasons. Whereas on the contrary side, Mr. Garbet and Mr. Samuel Smith, did send me Downham, Sprint, Dr. Burgess, and others of the strongest that had wrote against the Nonconformists; upon the reading of which I could not see but the Cause of the Conformists was very justifiable, and the reasoning of the Nonconformists weak.

Hereupon when I thought of Ordination, I had no Scruple at all against Subscription: And yet so precipitant and rash was I, that I had never once read over the Book of Ordination, which was one to which I was to Subscribe; nor half read over the Book of Homilies, nor exactly weighed the Book of Common-Prayer, nor was I of sufficient Understanding to determine confidently in some Controverted Points in the 39 Articles. But my Teachers and my Books having caused me in general to think the Conformists had the better Cause, I kept out all particular Scruples by that Opinion.

§ 18. At that time old Mr. Richard Foley of Stourbridge in Worcestershire, had recovered some alienated Lands at Dudley, which had been lest to Charitable Uses, and added something of his own, and built a convenient new School-House, and was to choose his first School-Master and Usher: By the means of James Berry (who lived in the House with me, and had lived with him) he desired me to accept it. I thought it not an inconvenient Condition for my Entrance, because I might also Preach up and down in Places that were most ignorant, before I presumed to take a Pastoral Charge (to which I had no inclination). So to Dudley I went, and Mr. Foley and James Berry going with me to Worcester, at the Time of Ordination, I was Ordained by the Bishop, and had a Licence to teach School; for which (being Examined) I Subscribed.

§ 19. Being settled (with an Usher) in the new School at Dudley, and living in the House of Mr. Richard Foley Junior, I there preached my first Public Sermon in the upper Parish Church; and afterwards Preached in the Villages about; and there had occasion to fall afresh upon the study of Conformity: For there were many private Christians thereabouts that were Nonconformists, and one in the House with me. And that excellent Man, Mr. William Fenner, had lately lived two miles off at Sedgeley, who by defending Conformity, and honoring it by a wonderfully powerful and successful way of Preaching, Conference, and holy Living, had stirred up the Nonconformists the more to a vehement pleading of their Cause: And though they were there generally godly honest People, yet smartly censorious, and made Conformity no small fault: And they lent me Manuscripts and Books which I never saw before; whereupon I thought it my Duty to set upon a serious impartial Trial of the whole Cause.

The Cause of Episcopacy Bishop Downham had much satisfied me in before; and I had not then a sufficient Understanding of the difference betwixt the Arguments for an Episcopacy in general, and for our English Diocesans in particular. The Cause of Kneeling at the Sacrament I studied next: and Mr. Paybody fully satisfied me for Conformity in that. I turned over Cartwright and Whitgift, and others; but having lately procured Dr. Ames fresh suit, I thought it my best way to study thoroughly Dr. Burgess (his Father-in-law) and him, as the likeliest means to avoid distraction among a multitude of Writers, and not to lose the Truth in crowds of Words; seeing these two were reputed the strongest on each side. So I borrowed Ames his Fresh Suit, &c. and because I could not keep it, I transcribed the strength of it the broad Margin of Dr. Burgess his Rejoinder, over against each Paragraph which he replied to: And I spent a considerable time in the strictest Examination of both which I could perform.

And the result of all my Studies was as followeth: Kneeling I thought lawful, and all mere Circumstances determined by the Magistrate, which God in Nature or Scripture hath determined of only in the General. The Surplice I more doubted of; but more inclined to think it lawful: And though I purposed, while I doubted, to forbear it till necessity lay upon me, yet could I not have justified the forsaking of my Ministry for it; (though I never wore it to this day). The Ring in Marriage I made no Scruple about. The Cross in Baptism I thought Dr. Ames proved unlawful; and though I was not without some doubting in the Point, yet because I most inclined to judge it unlawful, never once used it to this day. A Form of Prayer and Liturgy I judged to be lawful, and in some Cases lawfully imposed: Our Liturgy in particular, I judged to have much disorder and defectiveness in it, but nothing which should make the use of it, in the ordinary Public Worship, to be unlawful to them that have not Liberty to do better. Discipline I wanted in the Church, and saw the sad Effects of its neglect: But I did not then understand that the very Frame of Dioce •• n Prelacy excluded it, but thought it had been only the Bishops personal neglects. Subscription I began to judge unlawful, and saw that I sinned by temerity in what I did: For though I could still use the Common Prayer, and was not yet against Diocesans, yet to Subscribe, Ex Animo, That there is nothing in the three Books contrary to the Word of God, was that, which if it had been to do again, I durst not do. So that Subscription, and the Cross in Baptism, and the prom •••• giving of the Lord's Supper to all Drunkards, Swearers, Fornicators, Scorners at Godliness, &c. that are not Excommunicate by a Bishop or Chancellor that is out of their Acquaintance. These three were all that I now became a Nonconformist to.

But most of this I kept to myself. I daily disputed against the Nonconformists; for I found their Censoriousness and Inclinations towards Seperation, (in the weaker sort of them) to be a Threatning Evil, and contrary to Christian Charity on one side, as Persecution is on the other. Some of them that pretended to much Learning, engaged me in Writing to dispute the Case of Kneeling at the Sacraments; which I followed till they gave it over. I labored continually to repress their Censoriousness, and the boldness and bitterness of their Language against the Bishops, and to reduce them to greater Patience and Charity. But I found that their Sufferings from the Bishops were the great Impediment of my Success, and that he that will blow the Coals must not wonder if some Sparks do fly in his face; and that to persecute Men, and then call them to Charity, is like whipping Children to make them give over Crying. The stronger sort of Christians can bear Mulcts and Imprisonments and Reproaches for obeying God and Conscience • without abating their Charity or their Weakness to their Persecutors; but to expect this from all the weak and injudicious, the young and passionate, is against all Reason and Experience: I saw that he that will be loved, must love; and he that rather chooseth to be more feared than loved, must expect to be hated, or loved but diminutively: And he that will have Children, must be a Father: and he that will be a Tyrant must be contented with Slaves.

§ 20. In this Town of Dudley I lived (not a Twelve-month) in much comfort, amongst a poor tractable People, lately famous for Drunkenness, but commonly more ready to hear God's Word with submission and reformation, than most Places where I have come: so that having since the Wars set up a Monthly Lecture there, the Church was usually as much crowded within, and at the Windows, as ever I saw any London Congregations: (Partly through the great willingness of the People, and partly by the exceeding populousness of the Country, where the Woods and Commons are planted with Nailers, Scithe-Smiths, and other Iron-Laborers, like a continued Village).

And here in my weakness I was obliged to thankfulness to God, for a convenient Habitation, and the tender care of Mr. R. Foley 's Wife, a Genlewoman of such extraordinary Meekness and Patience, with sincere Piety, as will not easily be believed by those that knew her not! who died about two years after.

§ 21. When I had been but three quarters of a year at Dudley, I was by God's very gracious Providence invited to Bridgnorth, the second Town of Shropshire, to preach there as Assistant to the worthy Pastor of that place. As soon as I heard the place described, I perceived it was the fittest for me; for there was just such Employment as I desired, and could submit to, without that which I scrupled, and with some probability of peace and quietness.

The Minister of the place was Mr. William Madstard, a grave and severe Ancient Divine, very honest and conscionable, and an excellent Preacher, but somewhat afflicted with want of Maintenance, and much more with a dead-hearted unprofitable People. The Town Maintenance being inconsiderable, he took the Parsonage of Oldbury near the Town, a Village of scarce twenty Houses, and so desired me to be one half day in the Town, and the other at the Village; but my Lot after fell out to be mostly in the Town. The place is privileged from all Episcopal Jurisdiction, except the Archbishop's Triennial Visitation. There are six Parishes together, two in the Town, and four in the Country, that have all this Privilege. At Bridgnorth they have an Ordinary of their own, who, as an Official, keepeth a constant Ecclesiastical Court, having the Jurisdiction of those six Parishes. This reverend and good man, Mr. Madstard, was both Pastor and Official, the Place usually going along with that of the Preacher of that Town (though separable): By which means I had a very full Congregation to preach to, and a freedom from all those things which I scrupled or thought unlawful. I often read the Common Prayer before I preached, both on the Lord's-days and Holy-days; but I never administered the Lord's Supper, nor ever Baptized any Child with the Sign of the Cross, nor ever wore the Surplice, nor was ever put to appear at any Bishop's Court.

But the People proved a very ignorant, dead-hearted People, (the Town consisting too much of Inns and Alehouses, and having no general Trade to employ the Inhabitants in, which is the undoing of great Towns): so that though through the great Mercy of God, my first Labors were not without Success, to the Conversion of some ignorant careless Sinners unto God, and were over-valued by those that were already regardful of the Concernments of their Souls, yet were they not so successful as they proved afterwards in other places. Though I was in the fervor of my Affections, and never anywhere preached with more vehement desires of Men's Conversion (and I account my Liberty with that measure of Success which I there had, to be a Mercy which I can never be sufficiently thankful for) yet with the generality an Applause of the Preacher was most of the success of the Sermon which I could hear of; and their tippling and ill company and dead-heartedness quickly drowned all.

§ 22. Whilst I here exercised the first Labors of my Ministry, two several Assaults did threaten my Expulsion: The one was a new Oath, which was made by the Convocation, commonly called The Et caetera Oath: For it was to swear us all, That we would never Consent to the Alteration of the present Government of the Church, by Archbishops, Bishops, Deans, Arch-deacons, &c. This cast the Ministers throughout England into a Division, and new Disputes. Some would take the Oath, and some would not.

Those that were for it, said, That Episcopacy was Iure Divino, and also settled by a Law, and therefore if the Sovereign Power required it, we might well swear that we would never consent to alter it; and the King's Approbation of these Canons made them sufficiently obligatory unto us.

Those that were against it, said, I. That Episcopacy was either contra jus Divinum, or at best not Iure Divino, and therefore mutable when the King and Parliament pleased.

2. Or at least that it was undeniable, That Archbishops, and Deans, and Chapters, and Arch-deacons, &c. were not all Iure Divino: nay, that the English frame of Diocesans having many hundred Parish Churches under one Bishop in fini gradus, was not only against the Word of God, but destructive of all the Episcopacy which was known in the Church at least for 200 years.

3. They said that it was intolerable to swear to a blind Et caetera; for literally it included all the Officers of the Ecclesiastical Courts that are now in Exercise of the Government; Lay-Chancellors (that use the Keys for Excommunication and Absolution) Surrogates, Commissaries, Officials, and the rest. And was it ever known that all the Clergy was sworn to such an Anomalous Rabble?

4. They said that for ought they knew this Goverment in whole, or in some part, might be altered by the King and Parliament by a Law: And to tie up our selves by an Oath that we would never obey such a Law, nor consent to that which the King might command us, this they thought was a Bond of Disobedience, next to a Rebellion.

5. They said that it was against the Subjects Liberty; which alloweth them soberly to Petition the King and Parliament for a Redress of any Grievance.

And if now a Lay-Chancellor's use of the Keys, e. g. were no burden to the People, we know not how God may make such Alterations by his Providence, as may make that a Grievance which now is none.

6. And they said it was against the Privileges of Parliament, that such an Oath should be devised and imposed upon the Subjects, without a Law, or the Parliaments consent.

These and other Reasons were pleaded against it: (And afterward when the Parliament took it into consideration, it was Condemned on these and other Accounts). The Ministers of the Country met together at Bridgnorth to Debate this Business, that they might have no Division: and some few were for the Oath, but more against it. This put me upon deeper Thoughts of the Point of Episcopacy, and of the English frame of Church-Government than ever I had before: and now I had the opportunity of seeing some Books, which I never had before. My very dear Friend, Mr. William Rowley, (a Gentleman of Shrewsbury ) sent me Gersomus Bucerus his Dissertatio de Gubernatione Ecclesiae, and Didoclaves Altare Damascenum; and shortly after I had Parker de Polit. Eccles • and Baynes 's Diocesans Trial; and I received Bishop Downham, and compared his Reasons with Bucer's, Didoclaves, &c. And though I found not sufficient Evidence to prove all kind of Episcopacy unlawful, yet I was much satisfied that the English Diocesan frame, was guilty of the Corruption of Churches and Ministry, and of the ruin of the true Church Discipline, and substituting an heterogeneal thing in its stead.

And thus the Et caetera Oath, which was imposed on us for the unalterable subjecting of us to Diocesans, was a chief means to alienate me, and many others from it. For now our drowsy mindlesness of that subject was shaken off by their violence; and we that thought it best to follow our business, and live in quietness, and let the Bishops alone, were rowzed by the terrors of an Oath to look about us, and understand what we did.

§ 23. This Oath also stirred up the differing Parties (who before were all one Party, even quiet Conformists ) to speak more bitterly against one another than heretofore: And the dissenting Party began to think better of the Cause of Nonconformity, and to honor the Nonconformists more than they had done. And it fell out that at the same time when we were thus rowzed up in England, or a little before, the Scots were also awakened in Scotland: For when all was quiet there under a more moderate Episcopacy than we had then in England, (though that Nation had been used to Presbytery) a new Common-Prayer Book (that is, the English one with some few Alterations) was framed, and imposed on the People of Scotland; who having not been used to that way of Worship, one Woman in Edinburgh cried out in the Church, Popery, Popery, and threw her Stool at the Priest; and others imitated her presently, and drove him out of the Church; and this little Spark set all Scotland quickly in a Flame. Insomuch that other Places taking as much distaste at the Common Prayer, and at the Bishops also for its sake, and for fear of the Silencing of their Ministers, and some Ministers increasing their distaste, the Lord's presently were divided also; insomuch that the King was fain to instruct the Earl of Trequaire, as his Commissioner, to suppress the Maiecontents: But in a short time the number of them so increased, that the King's Commissioners could do no good on them, but they got the power of all the Land, because the far greatest part of the Nobility with the Ministry were conjoined. Hereupon they all entered into a National Covenant, to the same purpose as formerly that Nation had done, but they did it without the King's Authority. The Oath or Covenant was against Popery and Prelacy and Superstition, and to uphold the Gospel and Reformation. The Aberdeen Doctors dissented from the Covenant, and many Writings past on both sides between the Covenanters and them, till at last the ensuing Wars did turn the Debates to another strain.

§ 24. It fell out unhappily that at the same time while the Scots were thus discontented, the King had imposed a Tax here, called Ship-money, as for the strengthening of the Navy; which being done without Consent of Parliament, made a wonderful murmuring all over the Land, especially among the Country Nobility and Gentry; for they took it as the overthrow of the Fundamental Laws or Constitution of the Kingdom, and of Parliaments, and of all Propriety.

They said that the Subjects Propriety in his Estate, and the Being of Parliaments, and that no Laws be made, nor Moneys taken from the Subjects, but by the Parliaments Consent, are part of the Constitution of the Republic or Government. And they said that the King having long disused Parliaments upon Displeasure against them, because they curbed Monopolies, and corrected Abuses of Officers, &c. had no way to lay them by forever, but to invade the Subjects Propriety, and to assume the power of laying Taxes and raising Moneys without them; and that if thus Parliaments and Propriety were destroyed, the Government was dissolved or altered, and no Man had any Security of Estate or Liberty or Life, but the Pleasure of the King, whose Will would be the only Law. They said also, that those that counseled him to this were Enemies to the Commonwealth, and unfitter to counsel him than Parliaments, who are his highest Court and Council.

The poor Plowmen understood but little of these Matters; but a little would stir up their Discontent when Money was demanded: But it was the more intelligent part of the Nation that were the great Complainers. Insomuch that some of them denied to pay the Ship-money, and put the Sheriffs to distrain; the Sheriffs, though afraid of a future Parliament, yet did it in obedience to the King. Mr. Hampden and the Lord Say brought it to a Suit; where Mr. Oliver St. John and other • Lawyers boldly pleaded the Peoples Cause. The King had before called all the Judges to give their Opinions, Whether in a Case of need he might impose such a Tax, or not. And all of them gave their Opinion for the Affirmative, except Judge Hatton and Judge Crook. The Judgment passed for the King against Mr. Hampden: But this made the Matter much more talk of throughout the Land, and considered of by those that thought not much of the Importance of it before.

§ 25. Some suspected that many of the Nobility of England did secretly Consederate with the Scots, so far as to encourage them to come into England; thinking that there was no other way to cause the Calling of a Parliament, which was the thing that now they bent their minds to as the Remedy of these things. The Earl of Essex, the Earl of Warwick, the Earl of Bedford, the Earl of Clare, the Earl of Bullingbrook, the Earl of Mulgrave, the Earl of Holland, the Lord Say, the Lord Brook, and I know not how many more, were said to be of this Con • ederacy. But Heylin himself hath more truly given you the History of this, That the Scots, after they came in, did persuade these Men of their own danger in England, if Arbitrary Government went on, and so they petitioned the King for a Parliament, which was all their Consederacy; and this was after their second Coming into England.

The Scots came with an Army, and the King's Army met them near Newcastle; but the Scots came on till an Agreement was made, and a Parliament called; and the Scots went home again.

But shortly after, this Parliament so displeased the King that he Dissolved it, and the War against the Scots was again undertaken, (to which, besides others, the Papists by the Queens means did voluntarily contribute): whereupon the Scots complain of evil Counsels and Papists as the cause of their renewed dangers, and again raise an Army and come into England. And the English at York petition the King for a Parliament, and once more it is resolved on, and an Agreement made, but neither the Scottish or English Army disbanded. And thus began the Long Parliament as it was after called.

§ 26. The Et caetera Oath was the first thing that threatened me at Bridgenorth; and the second was the passage of the Earl of Bridgewater, Lord President of the Marches of Wales, through the Town in his Journey from Ludlow to the King in the North: For his coming being on Saturday Evening, the most malicious persons of the Town went to him, and told him that Mr. Madestard and I did not sign with the Cross, nor wear the Surplice, nor pray against the Scots (who were then upon their Entrance into England; and for which we had no Command from the King, but a printed Form of Prayer from the Bishops.) The Lord President told them, That he would himself come to Church on the morrow, and see whether we would do these things or not. Mr. Madestard went away, and left Mr. Swain (the Reader) and myself in the danger. But after he had spoken for his Dinner, and was ready to go to Church, the Lord President suddenly changed his purpose, and went away on the Lord's Day as far as Lichfield; requiring the Accusers and the Bailiffs to send after him to inform him what we did. On the Lord's Day at Evening they sent after him to Lichfield to tell him that we did not conform: but though they boasted of no less than the hanging of us, they received no other Answer from him, but that he had not the Ecclesiastical Jurisdiction, and therefore could not meddle with us; but if he had, he should take such order in the business as were fit: And the Bailiffs and Accusers had no more wit than to read his Letter to me, that I might know how they were baffled. Thus I continued in my Liberty of preaching the Gospel at Bridgenorth about a year and three quarters, where I took my Liberty (though with very little Maintenance) to be a very great mercy to me in those troublesome times.

§ 27. The Parliament being sat, did presently fall on that which they accounted Reformation of Church and State, and which greatly displeased the King as well as the Bishops. They made many long and vehement Speeches against the Ship-money, and against the Judges that gave their Judgment for it, and against the Et caetera Oath, and the Bishops and Convocation that were the formers of it; but especially against the Lord Thomas Wentworth Lord Deputy of Ireland, and Dr. Laud Archbishop of Canterbury, as the evil Counsellers, who were said to be the Cause of all. These Speeches were many of them printed, and greedily bought up throughout the Land, especially the Lord Falklands, the Lord Digbies, Mr. Grimstones, Mr. Pims, Mr. Nath. Fiennes, &c. which greatly increased the Peoples Apprehension of their Danger, and inclined them to think hardly of the King's Proceedings, but especially of the Bishops. Particular Articles of Accusation were brought in against the Lord Deputy, the Archbishop, the Judges, Bishop Wren, Bishop Pierce, and divers others.

The Concord of this Parliament consisted not in the Unanimity of the Persons (for they were of several Tempers as to Matters of Religion), but in the Complication of the Interest of those Causes which they severally did most concern themselves in. For as the King had at once imposed the Ship-money on the Commonwealth, and permitted the Bishops to impose upon the Church their displeasing Articles, and bowing towards the Altar, and the Book for Dancing on the Lord's Day, and the Liturgy on Scotland, &c. and to Suspend or Silence abundance of Ministers that were conformable, for want of this Super-canonical Conformity; so accordingly the Parliament consisted of two sorts of Men, who by the Conjunction of these Causes were united in their Votes and Endeavors for a Reformation: One Party made no great matter of these Alterations in the Church; but they said, That if Parliaments were once down, and our Propriety gone, and Arbitrary Government set up, and Law subjected to the Prince's Will, we were then all Slaves, and this they made a thing intolerable; for the remedying of which, they said, every true English Man could think no price to dear: These the People called Good Commonwealth's Men. The other sort were the more Religious Men, who were also sensible of all these things, but were much more sensible of the Interest of Religion; and these most inveyed against the Innovations in the Church, the bowing to Altars, the Book for Sports on Sundays, the Casting out of Ministers, the troubling of the People by the High-Commission Court, the Pilloring and Cutting off Men's Ears, (Mr. Burtons, Mr. Prynne's, and Dr. Bastwicks ) for speaking against the Bishops, the putting down Lectures, and Afternoon Sermons and Expositions on the Lord's Days, with such other things, which they thought of greater weight than Ship-money. But because these later agreed with the former in the Vindication of the Peoples Propriety and Liberties, the former did the easilier concur with them against the Proceedings of the Bishops and High Commission Court.

And as soon as their Inclination was known to the People, all Countries sent in their Complaints and Petitions. It was presently known how many Ministers Bishop Wren (and others of them) had suspended and silenced; how many thousand Families had been driven to fly into Holland, and how many thousand into New-England: Scarce a Minister had been Silenced, that was alive, but it was put into a Petition. Mr. Peter Smart of Durham, and Dr. Layton (a Scotch Physician, who wrote a Book called Zion's Plea against the Prelates ) were released out of their long Imprisonment: Mr. Burton, Mr. Prin, and Dr. Bastwick, who (as is said) had been pillored, and their Ears cut off, and they sent into a (supposed) perpetual Imprisonment into the distant Castles of Gernsey, Jersey, and Carnarvon, were all set free, and Damages voted them for their wrong: And when they came back to London, they were met out of the City by abundance of the Citizens, with such Acclamations as could not but seem a great Affront to the King, and be much displeasing to him. The Lord Keeper Finch and Secretary Windebank fled beyond Sea, and saved themselves: The guilty Judges were deeply accused, and some of them imprisoned for the Cause of Ship-money. But the great Displeasure was against the Lord Deputy Wentworth, and Archbishop Laud: Both these were sent to the Tower, and a Charge drawn up against them, and managed presently against the Lord Deputy by the ablest Lawyers and Gentlemen of the House. This held them work a considerable time: The King was exceeding unwilling to consent unto his death; and therefore used all his skill to have drawn off the Parliament from so hot a Prosecution of him.

And now began the first Breach among themselves: For the Lord Falkland, the Lord Digby, and divers other able Men, were for the sparing of his Life, and gratifying the King, and not putting him on a thing so much displeasing to him. The rest said, If after the Attempt of Subverting the Fundamental Laws and Liberties, no one Man shall suffer Death, it will encourage others hereafter to the like. The Londoners petitioned for Justice: And too great numbers of Apprentices and others, (being imboldened by the Proceedings of the Parliament, and not fore-knowing what a Fire the Sparks of their temerity would kindle) did too triumphingly and disorderly urge the Parliament, crying Justice, Justice. And it is not unlikely that some of the Parliament-men did encourage them to this, as thinking that some backward Members would be quickened by Popular Applause: And withal, to work on the Members also by disgrace, some insolent Painter did (seditiously) draw the Pictures of the chief of them that were for saving the Lord Deputy, and called them the Straffordians (he being Earl of Strafford ) and hanged them with their Heels upward on the Exchange. Though it cannot be expected that in so great a City there should be no Persons so indiscreet as to commit such disorderly Actions as these, yet no sober Men should countenance them, or take part with them, whatever ends might be pretended or intended. The King called these Tumults: the Parliament called them the Cities Petitioning! Those that connived at them were glad to see the People of their mind in the main, and thought it would do much to facilitate their Work, and hold the looser Members to their Cause: For though the House was unanimous enough in condemning Ship-money, and the